Coming Home
by addisongrace22
Summary: Erin has life she always wanted, she works in one of the most elite police units in New York, she has a beautiful daughter, and she's married to a dashing firefighter. But when her life crumbles around her, she makes the choice to come back home. Eventual Linstead. AU.
1. Chapter 1

Erin POV

I step out of the airport and take a deep breath. It feels good to be home, back in New York. I've been in Los Angeles for a week, helping run a case with the LAPD and while the sunshine and warm weather was a very welcome change from the January chill of New York, all I want is to see my sweet daughter and husband, I've been thinking about those faces since they dropped me off six days ago. Plus I feel like crap, after the five hour flight from LAX to LGA, I feel like I'm coated in a layer of plane soot.

My flight was supposed to land later tonight, but I got on an earlier flight this morning and I jumped at the chance to get home sooner, besides it's fun to hit Kelly with a surprise sometimes. Emma should still be at daycare and he's goes on shift at the firehouse in a couple hours, but we can always have some fun before he leaves.

"Miss do you need a cab?" A guy in a uniform behind a desk asks as he looks at me with a smile.

"Yes please, thank you sir," I tell him as he begins to hail a cab, my large red suitcase parked next to my feet and a black backpack resting on top of it, my cell phone in my hand. He nods over at me as a yellow cab pulls up in front of the curb.

"Here you are," He tells me as he grabs my suitcase to throw it in the trunk of the car.

"Thank you, have a great day," I tell him as I get in the cab, settling myself in the backseat.

"Where to?" The driver asks, a thick New Jersey accent pouring through his words.

"203 W 89th Street please," I tell him as I swipe open my phone, mindlessly scrolling through my email and various social media apps in an effort to keep myself awake. Even though it's only like 4:30 in the afternoon, but something about the flying and the sun already starting to set is just making my eyelids droop. Just stay awake Erin, stay awake for 45 more minutes.

* * *

"Lady we're here!" I hear loudly in my ear, followed by a loud honk of the taxi horn. Shit. I fell asleep. I rapidly open my eyes and shove my hand into my backpack to grab my wallet and pay him the fare so I can just go home.

"Sorry, so sorry," I ramble as I fumble with the clasp on my wallet, grabbing a some cash from the mess of money and cards. "Thank you, keep the change,"

I shove my wallet back in my bag and retrieve the phone that fell out of my hand in my sleep from the floor of the cab and get the hell out, pulling my suitcase out of the trunk and feeling satisfied with myself as the cab rolls away. I'm home, finally.

Our building doesn't have an elevator, but it doesn't really matter to us because we live on the first floor which is insanely nice. We moved in here right after we got married and we always thought that once we had kids, but we fell in love with the place and after Emma was born, neither of us wanted to leave. It's small, definitely a tight fit, but it works for us, it's the only place we've ever lived in here in New York.

I lug my over packed suitcase down the carpeted hallway and only stop to pull my keys out of my pocket and push open our front door. Until then, everything is alright, good even. But as soon as that door opened, I know that something is wrong.

Most of the things look normal, some of Em's toy are littered around the family room, her stroller pushed in the corner and there's a cluttering of shoes near the front door, but there's two bottles of beer on the kitchen counter, both of them half full and Kelly's jacket is thrown on the floor, his jacket is never on the floor. He's always been insane about that, making sure that I've always hung them up on the hooks, it was one of his things.

Walking towards my bedroom, our bedroom I already know what I'm going to see, my husband with another woman and it only becomes clearer as I advance down the hallway, his shirt thrown on the ground and a black lace bra hanging on a door knob, but I know that I won't believe it until I see it.

He hears me coming and as he sees me in the doorway. I see the fear and guilt in his eyes, he knows he's been caught, the blonde in the bed next to him just looking shocked and confused.

"Erin, let me explain!" He exclaims, quickly moving to jump out of the bed.

"Kelly don't," I tell him, "I'm done," I turn away from him and just walk out the door. I grab my keys off the dish on the kitchen counter and pull my bags right back out the front door. He doesn't even make an attempt to follow me. I can feel the tears start to roll down as the shock wears off and the reality of what's just happened sinks in.

He cheated on me. My husband cheated on me. Six years of marriage and just like that it's over.

I have no idea where I'm going, but I can't stay here. Things have been a little bit off ever since Emma was born, I knew going into it that I wanted kids more than he did, I knew that. I also knew that the only reason having kids was even a remote option to him was because I wanted it so much and he loved me, so we had a kid. When she was born, he didn't bond with her right away, I knew that. But as she got older, it didn't improve too much. It's one of the reasons that I hate leaving her so much, I trust her with Kelly of course, but it's just different. His focus was never on her, his focus has always been on his career and I appreciate that he loves his job, I do. But I wish that she would be a priority to him.

I didn't even grab any of our stuff, I just rolled my suitcase out, all of Emma's stuff is still in the apartment. _Emma._ God I'm the worst mother, I didn't even think about her in all of this, Kelly's her dad. She's only 18 months old so I won't have to explain this to her, probably the only perk of this entire situation. But I have to pick her up, her daycare will be closing in like thirty minutes, luckily her car seat is in my car and not his so I won't have to go through him.

I approach my car and I know that I look like a hot mess, I already did after the five hour flight, but now I've got tears streaming down my face. But I really don't care.

I throw myself into the car and book it, I just want to get out. I have a little bit of a plan formed in my head, I have to pick up my daughter but after that, I have no idea where I'm going to go.

By the time I pull up in front of Emma's daycare, my sobs have stopped but I still take a minute to just sit and breathe, decompress and pull myself together, I cannot walk into that building like the jilted wife, so I wipe my tears and get it together, it's time to be a mom.

I do it quickly, all I want to do is see my daughter, breathe in her familiar scent and just hold her, she'll make everything better, she always does.

"Hey," I say, putting a smile on my face as I walk into the building to see Harriet, a familiar face from Emma's daycare.

"Erin, you're back," She says with a smile, "Emma's been missing you," I feel my heart fill with guilt at her words, I hate, hate leaving Emma for anytime and this past week has been the longest I've ever been without her, but the guy we were chasing, it was one of those cases that needed to be solved.

"Oh I missed her too," I say as she buzzes me back. "It's really good to be home,"

"Well she'll be glad to see you, I'm sure," I nod back at her and give her a smile before walking through the short hallway to her room, the Dolphins.

As I walk into the room, I catch her playing quietly with Tessa, on of her teachers in the corner, some of the pieces of her light brown hair falling out of the two pig tails at the top of her head.

"Mama!" She shouts as she notices me in the corner, toddling over to me as fast as she can.

"Hey Monkey," I say with a smile as I scoop her up in my arms, covering her little body with kisses as she giggles uncontrollably. "I missed you baby,"

"Love you," She responds to me, "love" coming out more like "luh".

"I love you too," I tell her, giving her another kiss on the head as I switch her over to my hip.

"Hey Erin," Tessa says, as she comes over to me, handing me Emma's diaper bag. "Glad you're back, little miss has been whining for her mama all week,"

"I heard," I say with a bit of a guilty look on my face, "I'm just glad to be home,"

"Yeah, so we'll see you Monday?" She asks.

"Um yeah," I tell her as we turn to leave. Truthfully, I have no idea where we'll be on Monday.

"Alright, bye bye Miss Emma!" She says with a wave and a smile.

"Say bye to Tessa!" I say as I grab her little hand to wave back at her.

"Bye bye!" She says back, one of her favorite words. I grab her little coat from an open section of the diaper bag and pulling her fluffy gray jacket over her teeny frame.

"Alright sweet girl let's roll," I say as I buckle her into her car seat, an idea popping into my head as I do. "Do you want to go see your friend Noah?" She babbles happily and gives me a bit of a toothy smile, "I'll take that as a yes my dear," Noah's a little older than her, he's two and a half now, but he absolutely adores her and Emma loves him.

I take my spot in the driver's seat of the car, turning on the ignition and pulling out of the spot, putting the radio on a low volume and humming along as Emma babbles happily in the background. I know exactly where we're going now, to my boss Olivia Benson's apartment. I've worked under her in the Special Victims Unit for a little over six years and she's become really important to me over the years. She's become a role model to me and especially because now we're both moms, she's the first person I go to whenever I need advice. Or whatever the hell I need right now.

I spend the rest of the maybe twenty minute drive to Olivia's just trying to process everything, thumbing through my thoughts and decided what I actually want and need to do. I can pick up all our stuff tomorrow, Kelly goes on shift tonight at six and he'll be on until six tomorrow night, so that's covered. But as for where I'm going to go? I have no clue.

"Alright we're here," I announce, not like she'll respond or anything. I grab her diaper bag from the passenger seat and sling it over my shoulder before grabbing her out of her seat and swinging her onto my hip, her cute little smile blaring through at me. She's wide awake, those blue eyes staring back at me, the same eyes of her father that I've looked into for so many years.

She was born with the blue eyes, like most babies, but as she got older we waited patiently for them to turn hazel like mine, but they just kept getting bluer and bluer until they matched the exact color of her father's. She'd been born with blonde hair too, much to the surprise of us as we both had brown hair, his much darker than mine. But she's our little blonde baby.

I push in the front door of Olivia's building, grateful to be out of the New York cold and start making my way up the two flights of stairs to her apartment. I reach her apartment, 3H and I take a deep breath before taking my fist to the door, Emma babbling happily on my hip. I know that my eyes are still red and puffy, but even if they weren't, she's going to be able to tell that something is wrong. Olivia Benson can read people like nobody else.

"Coming!" I hear from inside as Olivia rushes to the door. "Erin?" She says in surprise as she sees me standing with my baby on her welcome mat. "What are you doing here?" She must have just gotten home from work because she's still got her badge clipped to her waistband.

"Livvy!" Emma yells as she sees her in the doorway.

"Hi Emma," She says with a kind smile, her eyes still showing the confusion as to our unexpected visit.

"I'm sorry for coming up on you unexpectedly, but I really need to talk to someone," I say, my voice suddenly shaking a little bit. I thought I had pulled myself together but suddenly the idea of discussing it, makes me want to cry again. She knows something is wrong, I'm almost never like this. I'm usually pretty good at keeping it together on the job, that's what happens when you're a female cop. It's a male dominated profession, so we can't show weakness. Luckily it's not too much of an issue in our unit, but yeah sometimes when we bring other squads, they do question the fact that we have three females in the unit.

"Yeah of course come in," She says ushering us in. "Lucy's was about to leave but I can ask her to stay for a couple minutes and watch the kids,"

"That would be really great," I tell her as I set her diaper bag down on a chair.

"C'mon, they're in Noah's room," She says as I follow he down the hallway. "Hey Lucy, can you stay for a couple minutes longer, I have to talk to Erin about something,"

"Yeah of course no problem," She says looking up at us with those kind eyes.

"You wouldn't mind watching Emma too?" Olivia asks.

"Of course not," She says, holding out her arms as I set Emma on the ground. She giggles as she toddles over to them, collapsing on her bottom in front of the small circle of toys. She nods me back towards the front room, both of us taking a spot on either end of her couch.

"Alright, what's up?" She asks. I take a deep breath and decide that there is only one way to do this, straight on.

"Kelly cheated on me," I tell her simply, biting my bottom lip slightly as I wait for her reaction. I don't know how long it is before she speaks again, easily it could have been less than five seconds but it felt like an eternity.

"What happened?"

"I walked in on him. I got back from the airport, I got an earlier flight so I was going to surprise him and I came home to find him in bed with another woman,"

"I'm sorry Erin," She says, taking my hand in hers.

"Yeah, but in a weird way, I'm kind of grateful that I found out now. I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship that I was being taken advantage of, so I'm glad I got out now," I say honestly. It's the first time I've said it or even thought it, but it feels right.

"So you're done?" She asks.

"I'm done, I left him." I confirm.

"Alright, so what's next?"

"I don't know, I can't stay there. I mean I can go back tonight, he's on shift so the house will be empty, but I need to be out before six tomorrow night,"

"Do you want to get out of the city?"

"Yeah," I say honestly, " but I don't know where I would go, I have a job here and Emma has a life here,"

"Erin, she's a year and a half old, she's not going to know any different and do I love having you in my unit, I always have, you're a fantastic cop. But I'm not going to be the reason that you stay if you should go,"

"Liv, even if I was going to go, where would I go?" I ask, overwhelmed by her latest notion.

"You could go back home," She suggests.

"Chicago?" I respond in surprise.

"Work in Voight's unit, I talked to him a week or two ago and he's got a spot open in Intelligence, you know he would love to have you,"

"Really?" I ask, "I talked to him when I was in LA and he didn't mention anything about it to me,"

"It just came up in a conversation," She says, brushing it off.

"I don't know, I'm so incredibly angry at Kelly right now, but I can't take Emma away from him."

"Erin, I'm going to be brutally honest with you right now, I think he'll be okay. He never wanted to have kids, you know that. So just give him a call, tell him that you're going home and you need some space and then just leave it at that, see what he says. If he makes the effort to see Em, you can deal with that then okay? But right now you need to do what's best for you and what's best for your daughter and maybe what's best for her right now is going to Chicago,"

"I know, I need to just think about Emmy right now,"I tell her.

"No, you need to think about you too. You are a fantastic mother and you always put your daughter first, but sometimes you need to think about yourself too alright?"

"Yeah," I say quietly, contemplating all the options, "I think I'm going to call Voight,"

"You should," She says as I pull my phone from my pocket. I hit the third number on my speed dial, only behind Kelly and Olivia and put the phone to my ear as it rings.

"Hank Voight, Intelligence," He answers in his normally gruff voice.

"It's me," I responds.

"Kid, what's up," He says, his voice softening instantly.

"Hank I think I need to come home,"

 **New story time! I know that there's a lot of blanks in this story right now and some things don't make sense, but as time goes on things will be explained. I'm not totally sure if I'm going to continue this story, so if you like it, please let me know. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and please review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	2. Chapter 2

Everything is set and ready to go. After explaining everything to Hank, he offered me the position in Intelligence, of course only after threatening to kill Kelly with his bare hands. Not like I would have expected anything less from Hank Voight, he's been scaring the crap out of my boyfriends since I was sixteen years old.

I came home with Emma last night and even though I've spent so many nights alone in that apartment while he's been on shift, it still feels eerily quiet, just laying in my bed alone staring at the ceiling. But I have to do. I can't stay with him

I've packed as many things as I can, enough clothes to get through a couple weeks and all the stuff Emma would need and Olivia arranged for a moving company to bring the rest of our stuff to Voight's in few days. Thank God for Olivia Benson, she's been the glue that's holding everything together and I am well aware that none of this would be possible without my incredible boss.

As far as my job, Olivia took care of everything and I called her daycare to let them know that Emma wouldn't be coming back. I'd decided to drive my car out, so booking plane tickets wasn't a problem, but I am scared about doing the twelve hour drive by myself. It's not like I've never done it before, I've made the drive from Chicago to New York alone more times than I can count, but never done it with a baby in the backseat of the car. But it does beat flying with her, the air pressure really screws with her ears and she is consistently a holy terror.

We've been constantly moving, quickly at that to get everything ready so that the two of us could be out of the apartment by six and everything got done. Well almost everything, there's one thing I still have to do, the one thing I've been holding off on, calling Kelly.

There are no words to express how much I don't want to do this. I've been holding everything back and calling him, it's just going to bring it back up again. But I have to suck it up, my Highlander is packed to the brim, the trunk stuffed with luggage and everything she could ever need and Emma is waiting happily in the car behind me and I cannot just drive his child over state lines without so much as a phone call. I take a deep breathe and hit his name on the screen. It doesn't even finish the first ring before he picks up.

"Erin I am so sorry baby, please just let me explain," He rambles.

"Kelly stop," I interrupt him, "I really don't care what you have to say,"

"No, no, no we can fix this, we'll get past it. Anything Erin, I will do anything,"

"Well you really seem to have shifted mindsets from last night when I caught you in bed with mystery blonde."

"Erin, please that was a mistake!" He pleads with me.

"Kelly don't, I'm leaving." I tell him.

"What?" He nearly yells.

"I'm taking Emma and we're going back to Chicago," I respond calmly.

"What, no you can't do that," He demands.

"Like hell I can't," I growl.

"Erin you can't just take my daughter," He says defensively.

"You are free to come see her anytime you want, but I need to go home. I'm going to stay with Voight, I need some time. Maybe, just maybe I'll let you explain to me why the hell you thought it was okay to bring someone else into our bed. But right now, I need space and I need time to think and I can't do that in New York."

"Erin please, please don't leave," He pleads.

"Kelly this is your fault," I tell him.

"I know, I know and I'm sorry," He begs, "I will do anything to get you and our daughter back,"

"Kelly I can't trust you. I'm sorry, I'm done,"

"Erin ple-" I don't let him finish before I hang up. I slip the wedding ring off my finger as throw it as far as I can. And then I get in the car and drive.

* * *

I start driving and I don't stop. It's a long drive and occasionally we have to pull into a rest stop or something like that, but otherwise it's straight through, twelve straight hours of driving. All I want is to get back to Chicago and out of New York.

We left at around 11:15 and I knew that it would be nearing midnight by the time I got there and luckily Emma fell asleep around seven. I've been feeling my eyelids starting to droop for the past hour, but by using coffee and taking quick glances to the back seat, I've somehow kept them open.

I take a deep breath as I pull onto Hank's street. I've driven down this road more times than I can count, but this time feels different. I can see the lights on in the front of the house and as we pull up, Hank emerges from the front door, a huge smile on his face. I smile back at him, it's good to see a familiar face, someone that I know I can trust. He pads over as I park my car in the driveway next to his, his hands shoved in his front pockets.

"Hey Hank," I say with a smile on my face as I embrace him in a loose hug, my entire body exhausted.

"How you doing kid?"

"I'm holding it together," I tell him as he releases me from the hug. "Just trying to get past it you know,"

"Good, how's the baby?" He says, looking back at Emma in the back of my car.

"She's great, you know her. She's just a happy little baby, she doesn't know what's going on," I tell him honestly.

"You know my offer to toss him in the river still stands," He says as I go to grab Em's car seat from the back seat.

"I'm okay Hank, thanks," I say with a slight laugh, the first one in a couple days. It feels good to laugh.

"Let me know if you change your mind,"

"I'll keep it in the back of my head," I tell him as I sling her diaper bag over my shoulder, the handle of her car seat resting in the crook of my elbow.

"So I have you all set up in your old bedroom and the pack and play that Daniel slept in sometimes is there too," He tells me as we walk up the front sidewalk towards the door.

"Thank you Hank,"

"Anything for you and that baby, you know that," He tells me as he pushes open the front door. "I told you I was going to take care of you when we took you in, that didn't end when you turned sixteen," I smile up at him, giving my the universal and silent signal of thanks.

"It's so weird to be back in this house," I say with a sigh as I set down a sleeping Emmy on the wood floors.

"What do you mean, you've been back here so many times so you guys left for New York,"

"I know, but it just feels different, I'm not visiting this time, I'm not going back to New York,"

"Well I'm happy to have you for as long as you need alright," I let out a yawn as his words escape. "You want to head up to bed? I can grab the stuff out of the trunk,"

"Don't worry about it Hank, I can get it in the morning, I just want to go to bed right now and I have a feeling that you do to," I tease.

"Alright kid, everything's ready to go upstairs so head up and I'll see you in the morning okay?"

"Alright thanks again for everything,"

"Erin stop apologizing," He insists as he heads down to his bedroom on the main level. I grab Emma's car seat up and make the ever so familiar trek up the wooden staircase, every muscle and nerve in my body screaming at me to get some sleep.

I feel my eyelids start to fall as I take my sleeping baby out from her car seat, putting her directly into the pack and play and hoping and praying that she won't wake up. Luckily the transition happens seamlessly and I collapse into my old bed. I smile as I look over at the nightstand, there's a picture of the four of us from the first summer that I lived with the Voights. All of us smiling on the beaches of Lake Michigan, the sun shining high in the sky and my arms around Camille in a hug, her blue eyes shining and Hank holding her close. Justin's even smiling, something he rarely did back then as the angst filled teenager that he was. That was a really good day, we spent the entire day on the beach and eventually dark gray clouds flooded over the beach and rain started pummeling us. We all made a mad dash for the car and we all just ended giggling the entire way home. God I miss them so much.

I crane my neck slightly to look over at Emma. I hope I can give her memories like that. But that's another worry for another day. Right now I just need to sleep, so I let my eyelids fall, wonderful memories of Camille and Justin flowing through my mind.

* * *

I wake up to the soft fall of rain on the roof and look over at the clock. It's 9:54. Why is it so late? I never sleep this late. I look around. Where the hell am I? That's when it all comes rushing back to me. Here I am in my old room in Hank's house. Because I left my husband. My husband cheated on me. Kelly cheated on me.

On instinct I hop out of bed to grab Emma and change her. She's not there, the panic sets in quickly. Then I hear her babbling happily downstairs. I smile, knowing that Voight must have picked her up.

I pad out of my room and down the stairs, still dressed in my attire from yesterday, a red flannel over a white t-shirt and a pair of black leggings, my hair thrown up in a ponytail, well I don't know if you could call it a ponytail anymore, it's kind of just a mass of hair with a hair tie kind of hanging on to the end. I pull it out, why not just let it flow free.

"Hey baby," I say, dropping a kiss on the top of my girl's head as I enter into the kitchen, her short blonde hair pulled into a ponytail on the top of her head. "You got her up?" She's sitting in Daniel's old high chair, a sprinkling of berries and some cereal on the tray. You can tell she's been eating them, the corners of her mouth raspberry red and the remnants of some blueberries splattered on her bib.

"Yeah I heard her crying around 8 and I wanted to make sure you got some rest," He tells me.

"Thank you, it was much needed," I say gratefully.

"So I'm not sure if you're ready, but if you want to, you can start Intelligence tomorrow morning,"

"So soon?"I question as I pull a chair over next to Emma's high chair.

"If you want, we're down a detective, so they fast tracked the paperwork," he explains.

"I don't know, what am I going to do with Emma?"

"I've got an old CI, Lacey King, she's clean now. Has been for over 10 years and she runs a daycare over on W Addison and I gave her a call, she'd be happy to take Emma tomorrow morning,"

"You trust her?"

"I do, plus I ran extensive background checks on every employee that sets foot in that building and you should be good. It's one of the best in the city, I've only ever heard good things about it."

"Alright," I tell him, still unsure about it but knowing that I do need to get her into daycare fast.

"As for Intelligence, I'm partnering you with Jay Halstead,"

"He good police?" I question as Emma babbles behind me.

"Excellent. He's slightly hot headed and he's stubborn as hell but he's a solid cop and a good guy. You remember Antonio?"

"Of course yeah," I tell him, conjuring an image of the dark haired man in my mind.

"Well he took a job with the State's Attorney, but he pulled in Halstead," Hank tells me.

"Alright sounds good, so I start tomorrow?"

"8 AM." He tells me. "Oh and that reminds me," He says getting up and disappearing into another room.

"What are you doing Hank?" I call after him.

"Give me a second Erin!" He yells back before emerging, something hidden in his hands. "This is for you," He tells me as he slides the object across the kitchen table. It's my badge. A Chicago badge. A badge handed to me by Hank Voight. I've dreamed of this since I was sixteen years old. .

"How'd you get this so fast?" I question as I take it in my hands, running my fingers over the metal.

"I don't know if you've figured this out, but I know a couple people," He says with a smirk.

"Oh don't I know it," I tell him with a playful grin, pulling Emma from her high chair and wiping off her face with a nearby washcloth and discarding her bib. "So do you have an open case right now or am I starting fresh?" I ask.

"Just closed one," He explains. "But another one should roll in in a couple days, that tends to be how things work,"

"Okay, so I've just got one question?"

"What's up?"

"Is this Halstead guy going to let me drive?"

 **I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Over the next couple weeks, my schedule is insane and I have three trips basically back to back and I've just moved, so I apologize if the updates are coming in a little slow, but I will try my hardest to get you updates as fast as I can. Please review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	3. Chapter 3

Jay POV

"Listen up!" Voight shouts as he appears at the top of the stairs, getting all of our attention very quickly. There are few people who can command a room like Hank Voight. Standing behind him a beautiful brunette. She's gorgeous, her golden locks curling to just around her shoulder, her body curving in all the right places and these sparkling hazel eyes just full of wonder. Even in a simple t-shirt and jeans, she looks amazing. I instinctively glance over at her left hand, no engagement ring or wedding band. "This is Erin Severide," He looks back at her for assurance. He knows her from somewhere, this isn't the first time they've met for sure.

"No it's Lindsay." She corrects. There has to be a story there, there is no way that Voight got her name that wrong, there is a hell of a difference between Lindsay and Severide. Maybe I'll ask her about it later.

"Alright, this is Erin Lindsay, she's coming to us from Manhattan Special Victims and she's going to be joining Intelligence today as Halstead's new partner, make her feel welcome," He ends with a nod, taking off towards his office and leaving her to settle herself. I feel a pang of luck, but I quickly shove it back, no in house relationships, Voight's biggest rule.

"Hi guys," She says awkwardly, her hands folded in front of her as she rocks back and forth slightly.

"It's good to see you kid," Olinsky says as he comes over, engulfing this Erin chick in a tight hug and slicing right through the tension in the room, "What brings you back to Chicago, Hank didn't even mention anything"

"It was abrupt to say the least and it's a long story Al, not one for today," _Al?_ How the hell does she know Olinsky? And why is he hugging her? He doesn't hug. She must be the daughter of a cop or something, maybe they knew her parents earlier in their careers. But I recognize the names Lindsay or Severide, but I also don't know the name of every cop in the city.

"Hi," I say, walking up to her as she lets go of Al, "I'm Jay Halstead, your new partner,"

"Nice to meet you Halstead," She says, giving me a firm handshake. Good sign, a firm handshake is always a good sign. "So can I grab a desk,"

"Yeah take that one," I say, gesturing to the one across the aisle from me. "So," I ask as she takes a seat across from me.

"I just needed a change," She responds vaguely, but I can see the sadness hidden like a secret, locked behind those big hazel eyes. There has got to be more to her story, but it isn't the time to dig any further.

"I get that," I say, peering down at my newly bare left hand. It still feels odd, sometimes I still think that I can feel it on my finger, even though it's not there. The strip of pale skin reminds me of everything, leaving a warm anger to brew in my stomach.

"Let's roll," Voight says as he strides out of his office, breaking the current opportunity for further conversation. "We caught a case,"

* * *

"So, what's the deal with you and Voight and Olinsky?" I ask, from my unfamiliar place in the passenger seat. When we'd walked out to the car together and I'd gone where I had for the past year, right over to the driver's side. She shot me down pretty damn fast, nearly shoving me out of the way and taking her spot in the driver's seat, before giving me a pretty stern lecture. It's been made clear that she is the new driver of this partnership.

"What do you mean?" She asks, not taking her eyes off the road in front of her. I've been watching her carefully, she's succinct, but eloquent at the same time. She knows exactly what she wants to do and she is not a woman that you want to mess with.

"You obviously know them, I mean you called him Al, and we're partners now. We can be honest with each other right?"

"Halstead here's the deal. I met you like half an hour ago. So you don't get my trust yet, I've been screwed over too many times," I don't think she realizes it, but that reveals more than she even knows and confirms my earlier suspicion, this girl has been through some shit. She's got walls up and she's got a fire.

"So you're not going to tell me?" I question.

"Let's just say they're old friends," She says carefully as we pull up behind Voight's SUV at the crime scene.

"You're not giving me anymore than that?"

"Dude you're lucky I gave you that much," She tells me, no emotion gracing that gorgeous face of hers as the words flow from her lips. She's going to a piece of work, I can already tell.

* * *

Erin POV

I don't know what to do about this Halstead guy. I can tell that he's been studying me, I've been withholding personal information and he's trying to read me. I've realized that it's kind of a cop thing. I mean Voight trusts him, so that's something, but I don't really want to talk to anybody about anything personal right now. Especially to somebody at work, my personal life is a hot mess right now and I need to keep it filed away in a neat little box, my professional life staying clean and tidy. But that's not even close to the top of the list of things I'm worried about right now.

Emma has been in the same daycare her entire life and Kelly and I thoroughly vetted the place for months before I even let my daughter set foot in the place. Well I looked into it, Kelly was just of along for the ride. And today, for the very first time, I've put my only child into the hands of some woman I've never met. I know that Voight vetted her, which makes me feel a little better, but when it comes to my daughter I don't really trust anybody other than myself. Lacey promised me that she would text me if anything happened and I've been checking my phone like every five minutes and I know that the rest of the unit probably thinks that I'm a little bit crazy, but very honestly I don't care.

And now I've got to do something that I've never been too good at, compartmentalizing. I have to shove all my worries aside, focus all of my efforts on this case. Because we've got a dead college student lying forgotten in a park and I owe that to her.  
"What do we got?" Halstead asks as come up to the crime scene, Hank, Al, and Burgess already waiting as Ruzek and Atwater approach behind us. I usually would have jumped out and taken the lead by now, but this isn't Manhattan. I've haven't been working here for seven years, it's only my first day. So for a little bit, I just need to sit back and figure out how the unit operates.

I flinch as I take in the body. I've been a cop for a long time, but it still takes me a minute every time I have to see a body. Especially one like this, lying abandoned and naked in the middle of the grass, vulnerable even beyond the grave as her body is covered by blue tarps.

"Anicka Cepnikova, 21 years old. She's a junior at CCU, they found her body a couple hours ago. We suspect a rape," Voight tells me.

"Any witnesses to the drop or friends that we might be able to talk to?" Ruzek asks.

"Not yet, but we haven't had much time to look," Al tells him with a solemn nod. "But I think I know a pretty good place to start,"

"Alpha Tau Omega?" Voight questions. Al responds with a simple nod.

"Frat?" I confirm, very well knowing that it is but wanting to cover all of my bases.

"They're known for their frat parties and we've had girls all over campus report rapes directly, but it's always turned into a he said she said scenario and Alpha Tau is dominated by the rich white boys of CCU and they've always been able to get of scot free with the help of their parent's fancy lawyers," He says, the disdain and disgust obvious in his voice.

"But this is the first time we've found a body right?" I ask. The rest of the team responds with a simple nod. They've obviously been chasing this case for a while.

"Was she in a sorority?" Burgess asks. "involved in the Greek system at all?"

"Not sure," Voight responds. "There are still a lot of unknowns with the girl, we've got to fill in the blanks. "

"Alright so here's the deal, I want Al and Burgess to go to the CCU Offices and see if we can get any info on this girl, find out if she's in a sorority. If she is, figure out which one and if she's not, track down her dorm room and see if you can find anything out from the roommate. The rest of us are heading back to the district to see what we can find on our end and get Lindsay caught up on the case."

"We're not going to the frat house?" Burgess questions.

"I don't want them even knowing that we're looking at them until we've got something solid." He responds, "I don't want them figuring out how to slide out of this again,"

"Alright," Halstead answers, "let's go,"

* * *

"So what do we know about this girl?" I ask as Jay slaps Anicka's photo onto the board. She looks so happy, a smile bigger than the world and big, bright green eyes.

"She was a junior at CCU, she was a model student, even had enough credits to graduate this year. She's the daughter of Lena Cepnikova, father isn't listed on the birth certificate. Lena immigrated to America from the Czech Republic with Anicka when she was four years old. The mom is living in Washington, but she's been called and she's on her way here now. From what we know, she was not a member of any sorority and she's been staying in Sedgwick Hall and Burgess and Al are on their way there now."

"And who are we looking at from the frat house?" I ask, finally speaking up.

"We're going to start with these three boys," Voight tells me as he places three more photos on the board. "Ryan Dalton, Harrison McManus, and Marcus Lonter. Those three have been mentioned in so, so many of the cases but they're loaded so you know what that means," Hank tells us, the disgust clear in his voice.

"How many cases exactly have we gotten so far?" I ask.

"This is lucky number thirteen," Ruzek says as he begins placing photos of women next to the boys. "Laney Richards, Kathleen Jameson, Kyla Samuels, Emily Copeland, Caroline Zachary, Samantha Burke, Hailey Kincaid, Olivia Mayer, Kerry Mazur, Parker Kimball, Peyton Grayer, and Zoe Oliver," He finishes, my stomach turning after each girl's face appears. "Dalton has been accused in six of these, McManus three, and Longino three and Anicka was the first one that was killed,"

"I'm sensing that these boys may have a type," I answer reluctantly, noticing the overwhelming amount of blonde hair flooding my eyes.

"Yeah," Halstead answers me, "5'3"-ish and blonde hair," He confirms. As he says that, I can feel the anxiety rising in my chest as I start to see my daughter in all of these girls. I know that she's not even two yet and it's completely irrational, but looking up at the pictures of these girls on the board, I still see her. She shares the same bright blonde hair as so many of them, but the one that's getting me is Hailey Kincaid. They've got the same eyes, deep blue like the sea.

"And what's the status on all of these cases?"

"They all went to trial, but their lawyers argued that it was consensual and that the girls just liked it rough and the one time that it did get proven, last time with Zoe Oliver, Dalton got off on a formality," Al tells me.

"Are you kidding me? All twelve cases? These assholes got away with rape twelve times!" I exclaim.

"Yeah they did," Atwater responds with sorrow in his voice.

"Okay," Voight says with a clap of his hands. "Let's get going, I want everything you can find me on this girl and everything goes by the book, when this goes to trial, we aren't taking any risks," The rest of the teams dispersing to their prospective desks as I follow Hank back into his.

"We're going to get these guys right?" I ask him carefully. Before he responds, I watch as he gets that look in his eyes, the same one I've seen so many time.

"Hell yeah we are,"

* * *

 **Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I hope you guys like this chapter and you'll leave me a quick review letting me know what you think!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	4. Chapter 4

Jay POV

"Halstead, Lindsay," Voight barks as he storms out of his office. Both of us look up from our desks immediately, our eyes trained to our boss standing in front of us.

"What's up Sarge?" I ask, having to refrain from calling him Hank, in front of the unit at least. I know that it would come across as weird and I don't want any of them even getting the notion that I'm here on counts of favoritism.

"The ME just finished a full work up on Anicka Cepnikova, I want the two of you at Med, now," He explains.

"Got it Sarge," I say as I grab my jacket from the back of my chair, noticing Lindsay doing the same thing.

"Let's roll," She says as she moves quickly from the bullpen, not bothering to wait for me. I like that about her, she's brand new but she takes initiative, she doesn't wait for someone to tell her what to do, she just does it. My first partner in Intelligence, she was like that. It was a quality I missed with my last partner Quinn Baylor. She was a genius, that's how she made her was into Intelligence, but she was quieter. I waited for two years for her to come out of her shell, but she never did. I feel bad admitting this, but I breathed a sigh of relief when Voight told us that she had put in a transfer to San Francisco. But nonetheless, I cannot tell you how happen I am to have a partner like that again.

"Keys?" She asks, holding her hand out once we're at the 300. I begrudgingly pull the key chain from my pocket and slap them in her hand, a satisfied smirk plastered on her face before jumping into the front seat like an excited high school student driving for the very first time. I try to suppress it because I know Voight's rule, but she's cute when she's excited like that, it a little break in her usually stone like exterior.

"You need directions to get to Med?" I ask as we pull out from the 21st.

"I think I got it," She says as she turns in the right direction. Since she refuses to tell me literally anything about herself, I've been picking up on just little things all day. This would be a prime example. She knows her way around this city, so either she's nuts and memorized a map of Chicago, or more likely, she's from here. She must have worked at the 21st a while ago or something, which would also explain her knowing both Voight and Olinsky. But there's still a whole lot to learn.

"So you're from Chicago?" I ask, deciding to roll the dice and see if she'll even give me an answer.

"Born and raised," She says with a rare smile. Bingo, I was right on the nose. "I left the city when I was 25 and made the move over to New York,"

"Why'd you come back?"

"I just needed to come home," She says. And the vague answers are back.

* * *

Erin POV

"All three?" I exclaim in disgust. I cannot be hearing her right. Halstead and I had pulled into Med no less than fifteen minutes ago and we're currently getting the rundown from Dr. Keating, the on call ME. I need to be thorough, but I also want to get out of here as fast as possible and get back to the streets to work this case and get justice, not only for Anicka, but for all twelve of those girls.

"That be would be correct," She tells me as she scans her clipboard. "We found semen that matched DNA collected from Ryan Dalton, Harrison McManus, and Marcus Lonter on and inside the victim." I think I'm going to be sick. I've worked this kind of case every day for the past seven years, that just what happens in Special Victims. But I still get that feeling in my chest every time we catch a new case. You don't want to believe that there are these kinds of people in the world, especially since Emma was born, but I get reminded that there are every single day.

"Does it look like it was consensual?" Halstead asks, his head staying level in a rough situation.

"Absolutely not, after a thorough exam we found vaginal and anal tearing as well as bruising a large portion of her body, all which would be consistent with sexual assault," She says as she looks down at her clipboard. I've felt the goosebumps climbing up my arms since we'd arrived, but they hit a new high as those words leave her mouth.

"Have you got a cause of death yet?" I ask, pushing my horror the back of my mind and focusing all of that pissed off energy towards taking down the three boys that did this to her. "I assume that it would be the blunt force trauma to the back of the head?"

"Surprisingly no, that occurred after the fact." She explains.

"She was already dead?" I ask.

"She was, my current assumption would be that the injury was sustained during the transport of the body,"

"You mean the dump of the body," Halstead clarifies.

"Yes," She responds reluctantly, "but the cause of death would be strangulation," She says as she moves the sheet down to reveal the red marks ringing around her pale neck. I cringe again.

"Do you have idea what was used for the strangulation?"

"By the looks of the ligature marks, I would assume a belt but that's just a guess, there isn't a surefire way to figure it out."

"Okay, thank Dr. Keating," Jay says.

"No problem, I will call you if I find anything else," She assures me as the two of us move towards the exit.

"Call Voight," He concludes as we stand outside the door.

"Got it," I say, quickly pulling my phone from my back pocket. I unlock it quickly, making sure that Halstead doesn't see the picture of Kelly, Emma, and I on my lockscreen. I've been meaning to change it to a picture without him, but I haven't gotten around to it. Not that that's a huge issue right now, but I don't want to have to explain everything to him right now. There are more important things for us to focus on.

"Hank Voight," He answers instantly. He's always been that way, I don't think Hank Voight has ever missed one of my calls.

"Hank it's Erin," I curse myself internally as I realize what I've said, I told myself that I wasn't going to call him Hank on the job, or refer to myself as Erin. "We just got the rundown from the ME,"

"What's the deal," He says gruffly, forcing me to cut right to the chase.

"She found semen from Ryan Dalton, Harrison McManus, and Marcus Lonter as well as vaginal and anal tearing and bruising all over the body," I tell him.

"So they gang raped her," He states.

"Yes,"

"Do we have a cause of death?"

"Strangulation," I add, "Most likely from a belt,"

"Alright, come back to the district, I'm going to get a warrant signed by Kot and then you and Halstead are going to take Atwater and Ruzek to pick up the boys and bring them in, I want this done quickly and quietly. Do not let the media even have a chance to pick up the scent, these boys are from high society families and they will be all over this,"

"Will do boss," I respond.

"We can hold them on the rape charges and questions the three of them while looking further into this murder. I want them off the streets as fast as possible,"

"Oh and Al and Burgess located Anicka's roommate, Lena Park. They're bringing her in now,"

"Sounds good,"

"See you soon Erin,"

"He's calling you Erin now?" Halstead says with a smirk as I shove the phone back in my pocket. Crap I knew he would catch on.

"Oh shut up,"

* * *

"Alright so do we have a plan?" Atwater asks as the four of us stand on the sidewalk outside the frat house.

"I have an idea," Ruzek says. I can tell by the smirk on his face that the wheels in his head are turning.

"What is it?" I question, extremely unsure of whatever he's about to say.

"Send Lindsay up first, the three of us will be standing on the other side of the door, that'll get us in faster and plus it'll be kinda funny when they figure out she's a cop," Oh alright, Ruzek is the immature one. There is one in every unit, SVU had Amaro and I guess Intelligence has Ruzek.

"Uh no," I respond shortly. There is absolutely no way I'm doing that.

"C'mon Ruz, we have the warrant they have to let us in anyway," Halstead argues, defending me.

"Okay fine," Ruzek responds, his demeanor matching that of a sulking five year old.

"So plan?" Atwater asks again.

"It's an easy pinch, find the boys in the house and cuff 'em," I respond. "Let's go," They all nod over at me before the four of us begin to advance together towards the front door of the frat house. I knock on the wood, making sure I'm loud enough that the whole house will hear me. It's not too long before I get an answer, a college boy with a dumb smirk on his face and that stupid swoop haircut.

"Oh hello," He says smugly as he leans against the doorframe. I can almost feel the overpowering scent of his cologne creeping up into my nose.

"Detective Erin Lindsay, Chicago Police Department, Intelligence," I say as I flash the badge. That puts him back in his place real quick and along with the death glares coming out of the eyes of the three guys standing behind me, he won't make any more moves.

"Yes sorry, what can I do for you Detective?"

"We're looking for Ryan Dalton, Harrison McManus, and Marcus Lonter. Would you happen to know where they are?"

"You got a warrant?" It doesn't even take a second before Jay has shoved the document in his face. "Yeah they're right back here," The three of us follow him through the house. I can tell that there are eyes on us the entire time, but we've got a job to do. He leads us to a back room, three boys I recognize from their photos lounging on a couch together. They aren't fazed by our appearance in the room, they've all been through this before, several times.

"Harrison McManus, Marcus Lonter, and Ryan Dalton?" Jay asks. I can tell that he's pissed now and Ruzek and Atwater aren't much better. I don't blame them, I already want to slap those smug looks off of all of their faces.

"And how can we help you?" The one I recognize as Harrison asks.

"Stand up," Atwater growls. They don't move. I give them a look and they all nod back at me. All three boys grab one of them and force them to rise to their feet.

"Lindsay you got cuffs?" Halstead asks before I toss mine over to him. Ruzek and Atwater both pull their from their pockets and slip the metal bracelets over their wrists.

"What the hell?" Ryan yells as he feels the cuffs click.

"Marcus Lonter, Ryan Dalton, Harrison McManus you are all under arrest for the rape of Anicka Cepnikova." I announce. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be assigned to you."

"Call my father!" Harrison exclaims as he's walked out of the room by Jay, me following close behind them. The guy who answered the doors nods at him. We have them, but I know this case is far from over. These boys have been arrested twelve times. This was the easy part. Now we have to prosecute them, get around the slimy lawyers I know they're about to hire.

I grab my phone as I follow the six men out of the house and hit the first number on my speed dial.

"Hank Voight," He answers gruffly, the same greeting I've received on his end for the past fifteen years.

"Hank it's Erin, we're bringing them in,"

 **I know it's been forever since I updated, but life just happens sometimes. But I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and you'll leave me a short review. This chapter was on the shorter side, but I'm hoping future chapters will be longer and I will try to get another update out as soon as I can. Thanks for reading!**

 **Much Love,**

 **Addie**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the late update on this chapter and it's kinda short, but I hope you guys like it! Also I typed up some of this on my phone, so please excuse any mistakes.**

* * *

Erin POV

We got them. All three of them. After pleading not guilty, we got all of them on a second degree murder charge and a rape charge, they'll be spending the next thirty years in jail.

I know that we only got them on Anicka's case and they won't ever have to face up to what they did to those other twelve girls, but it still felt good in the courtroom today when the verdict was delivered. We got justice for them, but it's still not enough. It won't bring back Anicka or erase the pain all of those girls endured. It won't be enough until this never happens again, but it's a start. Baby steps, but we've still got a very long way to go.

Over the past couple weeks, with the case and then the trial, I've been home late almost every night. During the case of course, we were questioning witnesses and searching for evidence and making sure that the case was airtight, and that didn't stop when we handed it over to Stone. There was no way that we were going to lose this case. And thank God we didn't. This was one of those cases you can't lose, it's just not an option.

Lacey has been great, she's been able to keep Emma late without any hesitation, but I still feel so guilty about it. I know that she doesn't know that it happened, but I pulled her away from her entire life and I wasn't even there for her. I would get her ready in the mornings, drop her off at Lacey's at 8 AM and I would pick her up twelve hours later and she would fall asleep on the way home in the back of my car and I would just lay her down in her crib at Hank's and we'd both go to sleep. I hated that. I missed her bubbly little laugh and watching as she explores and learns new things about our world.

But now that the case is over and the boys are behind bars, hopefully this should be the last day of that.

"Hey Lindsay," Jay asks as we all pack up our stuff for the day. "Ruz, Atwater, Burgess, and I are going to go to Molly's tonight, raise a glass to Anicka, you in?" I contemplate his offer. It's not I don't like them, I really do. I knew Voight and Olinsky obviously, but over the last couple weeks as we busted out asses on this case, I've really gotten to know the rest of them and they're great. I've gotten more comfortable with them, no one is walking on eggshells anymore and the dynamic finally feels more normal. Although I still have yet to bring up the reason why I'm back in Chicago. The Severide name pulls weight in the Chicago Fire Department and I'm pretty positive that a lot of them are going to know who he is and I'm really hoping that they haven't connected the dots or better yet that they've forgotten about Voight's little slip up on my first day. But then there's Emma. They don't know about her either, because telling them about her means telling her about her dad. And I'm just not ready to do that. I don't to be pitied. Right now, I'm happy living in my simple state of ignorance.

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter more than anything in the world and there is absolutely no situation in which I would be ashamed of her, but she makes things messy. And right now, I just need everything to stay clear. And easy. And simple.

"Not tonight, I got something going on," I answer, making the quick call to say no. They've asked me to come out with them a few times now and I've always said no, just wanting to come home to my baby girl. I want to say yes at some point, but today just isn't the day for that. It's only six and if I get to the daycare in the next twenty minutes, I'll still get some time with Em tonight. Voight will be here late, finishing up the paperwork to file the case away so it'll just be the two of us tonight, reminding me of the nights I spent with her when Kelly was on shift. I missed those quiet moments, just the two of us.

"Hot date?" He asks. I have to bit my tongue to keep from laughing. Dating is the absolute last thing on my mind right now. But I decide to keep it vague.

"Something like that," I say with a chuckle, slinging my black coat over my shoulders and grabbing my bag from under the desk and hanging over my shoulder, a bag which seems to have gotten only so much bigger since I had my baby. Before Emma, I could throw my phone, wallet and keys in a teeny little crossbody or even just in my jacket pockets and be good for an entire day. Not anymore.

"Maybe next time?" He asks, a certain look I can't quite put my finger on in his blue eyes.

"We'll see," I tell him, leaving my options open.

"Alright, let me walk you out?" He asks as I pull a beanie over my ears.

"Sure," I concede with a smile. I can't tell if he's been flirting with me. I mean I think he might be, but he can't be. Right? I don't want him to. At least I don't think I do. It's been almost eight years since I've done any of this, I was with Kelly for eight years. It's all new and foreign for me and I have to figure this all out. But not right now. It's not the time.

"This you?" He asks as we stop next to my car, the bitter Chicago chill leaching through thee fibers of my winter coat. I'm anxiously awaiting the warmer weather we should be getting in a couple months.

"Yep," I respond as it beeps in response the pressing of the unlock button my my keys. I thank God for the darkness of night and the tinted windows in the back of my CX-5. I know that I'm going to have to tell them all about Emma at some point, but I'm just not ready right now. And Jay seeing her car seat base in my backseat is not really the way I'd ever want him to find out. At all. "So I'll see you tomorrow I guess?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow,"

* * *

Jay POV

Truth is, I didn't want to see her tomorrow. I didn't want her to leave. I wanted her to stay and go out with the rest of the unit. But I guess she has a boyfriend or something like that, in her words. So I guess that's thrown out the window, might as well have a fun night with the team, we did just have a major win. Three killers are behind bars and that's a good thing.

* * *

"Halstead finally!" Ruzek yells obnoxiously as I make my way into Molly's, Kim and Kevin rolling their eyes behind him. "What the hell took you so long?"

"Don't worry about it, I'm here now right?" I tell him, pulling him into a hug and giving him a slap on the back as I try to push Erin to the back of my mind. She's beautiful and smart and so incredibly funny, but there's something else there. She's got something going on. But I just can't put my finger on it. I've been trying to gently probe my way into the complexity that is Erin Lindsay, but she is locked tight like a vault and I have a feeling it's going to be a very long time before she gives me the key. I'm going to have to hide this well, Kim can read me like a book and if I'm not careful, she'll be able to tell that something is up without a second look.

* * *

Erin POV

Last night, I think I slept better than I have in a long time. I'd been up worrying about the case every single night since we got it and it felt so good to close my eyes and know that it was over. But today is a new day.

Voight gave the unit the day off today, he knew that it had been a grueling couple of weeks for all of us and we needed it. I've opted to spend the day with Emma, something I haven't been able to do in a long time.

I think I'm going to take her to the Lincoln Park Zoo or something later, but for now I'm going to take her with me on a run through Grant Park, one of my favorite places to run before I left with Kelly for New York.

It's not quite like running alone, you know without having to push a stroller, but it is nice to have her with me. I haven't been running in maybe three weeks and I miss it. It's going to be much colder than it was in New York, but I'll deal.

"Hank I'm going out!" I call as I hold a giggling Emma on my hip, her stroller already folded up in the trunk of my car, but a her She smiles up at me, that adorable red hat I love so much on her head and her body resembling a little marshmallow in her white parka.

"Okay, I'm going into the district," He says back as I exit the front door, the initial chill of a Chicago February hitting me hard. I'm not wearing the usual parka, just a pair of black thermal leggings and a teal long sleeve running top under a gray jacket, so I'm going to have to run for a little while before I get adjusted.

"Mama," Emma babbles happily, oblivious to the horrifyingly cold temperatures in her fluffy little parka.

"Hey Emmy," I respond cheekily, tickling her playfully and popping a light kiss on her cheek as I buckle her into the car seat.

"Hi!" She squeals, showing me that toothy grin.

"Hi!" I respond back to her, mimicking her tone and flashing her a smile.

"Luh you," She tells me with a smile as big as the world, still struggling with that word.

"I love you too Emma Shay, more than you'll ever know," I fell as I click in the last buckle before making a mad dash for the front seat, tossing her diaper bag in the passenger seat and cranking the heat up full blast.

I sing along mindlessly to some song on the radio that I have no idea what the title is, but somehow know the words to anyway as Emma babbles something nonsensical in the backseat, the fleeting coherent word thrown in every couple of minutes. A mama here, ducky there, a bye tossed in there every so often and her new favorite word, hi making the most appearances.

After what feels like forever, we're finally on the paths, foregoing the earbuds today in an attempt to take in the city that I've missed so much. And of course listen to Emma and make sure she's doing okay.

I did love New York and I'll always love New York, but I knew I missed Chicago. Chicago is home, it always has been and it always will be. But I don't think I realized just how much I missed it until this very moment, breathing in the salty air coming in from the lake and the skyline filling the background as my girl giggles in the stroller, that sweet sound filling my ears.

I think I'm finally getting into my rhythm, my feet finally coming to peace with the pavement and my body has accepted the cold when I see a familiar figure running towards us. I really don't want to do this right now, but there's is no way I'm getting out of it. Not now at least. Oh shit.

* * *

 **So sorry about the late update on this! But I hope you guys liked this chapter! I was in New York all weekend and I decided not to take my laptop with me. And on that note, if anybody wants to fangirl over Dear Evan Hansen, I'm totally game.**

 **Please Review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addison**


	6. Chapter 6

**Jay POV**

Is that Erin? With a baby? I slow down to take a closer look. Why in the hell would Erin have a baby with her?

Yep it's definitely Erin. But as I recognize my partner, a hundred million things are running through my mind faster than I think they ever have.

"Lindsay?" I say confused, approaching her and taking in the the little baby smiling up at me. The look on Erin's face tells me that this is absolutely the last place she wants to be. But maybe I'll finally get some answers right now. Maybe today is the day I'll have to stop searching. Maybe today is the day she'll let me in, even just a little bit.

"Hey Halstead," She responds, slightly sheepishly, her nose pink with the cold. I keep glancing from her to the baby in the stroller, just giggling along and oblivious to the tension of the situation. She's cute, bright blue eyes and a toothy grin, her pale cheeks tinted red.

"So what do you got here?" I say in my rather pathetic attempt to keep it light, I don't want to scare her off.

"This," She says as she loops around the stroller, quickly undoing the buckles and pulling the child into her arms, much to the baby's delight. "Is Emma."

"And Emma is?" I question. She takes a bit a deep breath before answering me.

"My nineteen month old daughter," She tells me. There it is. I knew there was something else about her. Did I think that this would be it? Hell no. But it does prove my that my instincts are indeed intact.

I'll deny it if anyone ever asks me and I don't feel good about thinking it, but the first thing that I wonder about is where Emma's dad is. Erin isn't married, at least she doesn't wear a ring. Not that you have to be married to have a kid, but she hasn't mentioned anything about having a partner. Then again she didn't mention anything about her daughter. Or much of anything for that matter.

"You have questions," She senses, filling in the blank for me.

"I do," I respond with a bit of a gulp, my eyes still switching between Erin and Emma.

"C'mon," She tells me, turning around and leading the way, totally expecting me to follow her. Not that I'm going to protest. "I guess it's time I gave you some answers," I have to refrain from making a smart ass quip.

"Where are we going?" I ask as I follow her down the concrete path.

"Old habits die hard right?" She responds. That didn't answer the question at all, but if I get to hear even a little bit about the mystery that is Erin Lindsay, I'm not going to argue a bit.

* * *

 **Erin POV**

I suggested that we go someplace else mostly just to stall a little bit. Jay's been pressing me, subtly, but pressing me nonetheless about my personal life and my past and though I've remained locked like a box, I really can't do that anymore. I wanted to keep everything clean, mess free. But obviously, that isn't going to work now.

I'm not going to tell him about everything, my past with Voight and definitely, definitely Bunny and the case of father unknown are going to stay hidden for a long while. I trust him, but there is no way that I trust him that much yet. Maybe it's not even a trust thing, maybe it's more something that I just really don't want to talk about.

But I do trust him, enough to explain why I'm here and maybe just let him in about Kelly. I need a friend here, I've basically just been hanging out at the house with Voight and if I keep doing that, I won't be sane for much longer. And if Jay can be that friend, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

And I mean I was always going to tell him. Of course I wanted to wait a little bit longer, get my bearings, but life just wanted to give me a little push and I'm going to run with it.

"Alright so, what's the story here?" Jay asks as he returns with two cups of coffee. Over the past couple weeks, he's gotten it down. Not like it's too hard, no cream with four sugars, but nonetheless it's those little gestures that mean the most. He likes to tease me about it sometimes, he drinks it without anything in it.

"Thank you," I say quickly as I take the coffee between my hands, the warmth thawing out my still slightly frozen hands. Emma fell asleep in her stroller while Jay was getting the drinks, so I haven't had to worry about her, just make sure that she doesn't wake up screaming in what appears to be a quiet little coffee shop.

I used to come here a lot when I was in high school to study, a gem hidden by the lakefront. I knew that I would be able to get a good and cheap cup of coffee and I also knew that none of the girls I'd been trying so hard to avoid would ever show up here. So I'd been delighted when I saw that Caroline's was still here, with the same precious quiet and subtle charm it held all those years ago. "And it's a long one, so what do you want to know?"

"We've got to start somewhere, so what brought you back from New York?" He asks.

"Fresh start," I tell him, knowing that the answer won't satisfy him, but hoping deep down.

"Yeah, but see you told me that weeks ago, what caused you to want a fresh start?" He asks. I knew he was going to say that.

"My marriage imploded," I respond, "He cheated on me with some girl and I left. I packed up my car, put Em in the back and drove back to Chicago," It feels good to actually say it. I haven't really talked about it with anyone, since Olivia anyway. I told Voight about it, but I wasn't up to discuss it again. And since then, I'd just been mulling it over in my head, wondering over and over again if I did the right thing. I don't know why I didn't tell anyone, it was so much easier than I thought it would be.

"Oh." He responds. That's why. That's why I didn't tell anyone. That reaction. The pity in his eyes and the pity in his voice. I hate it when people feel sorry for me, I hate it so much. I've hated it for as long as I can remember.

"God this was a mistake," I say as I get up to leave. "I shouldn't have told you,"

"No, no, no," He stops me, placing his hand on my wrist. "It's just, I get it,"

"What?" I say, failing at hiding the shock in my voice as I freeze, my hands laid on the handle of Em's stroller.

"I understand," He says gently.

"What do you mean you understand?" I say, curious to hear the reasons behind his words, sitting down again.

"My wife Beca. Well ex-wife, now. We'd been together for over ten years, met in kindergarten and started dating in our senior year of high school. She had an affair with her boss, told me the classic lie, she was working late. I think I knew she was cheating, but I loved her so much that I convinced myself she wasn't, chose to blind myself I guess. I didn't believe it until I came home early one day day and saw it with my own eyes." He tells me softly.

"Oh wow okay," I say, settling in again. If he can open up to me, I guess I can to. It's kind of crazy, how eerily similar his story is to mine.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't tell the unit about it. They know we got divorced, but they don't know exactly what went down," He responds.

"Of course," I say. I know exactly what he means. "I get that,"

"So," He responds, "he cheated and then you ran. Across state lines. With his child. And he was just okay with that?"

"He wasn't allowed to not be okay with it," I respond nervously. "He was the one who screwed up and he knew that he didn't have very much leverage to keep me there,"

"I'd say a kid sharing half his DNA is pretty good leverage. Can't he press charges or something?" Jay asks.

"He could, if he wanted to play dirty. But he won't. He's a cheating scumbag, but he's not a bad person. It doesn't matter how angry he is, he won't try to take Emma from me," I say, only half believing the words coming out of my mouth.

"You sure about that?" He asks.

"No, but it's a valid option and it's one that let's me sleep at night," I say reluctantly. As much as I've tried to convince myself of this, very honestly I don't know what Kelly's going to do. The man I knew would give me time, as much as I needed. But the man I knew wouldn't cheat on me. So he could do anything.

"Yeah," He says before the two of all fall into an uncomfortable silence. "I'm sorry, I get why you didn't tell anybody about your husband, but why didn't you say anything about Emma?"

"Well," I start, "if I told you about Emma, that would mean telling you about Kelly,"

"Kelly?" He asks.

"Emma's dad and my soon to be ex-husband," I explain.

"Oh alright," He responds. "I'm just wondering one more thing,"

"Shoot," I tell him.

"What's going on with you, Voight, and Olinsky?"He asks.

"You promise not to tell anyone?" I say, a mischievous, but nervous glint in my eyes.

"Of course," He assures me.

"He was my prom date," I say sarcastically, giving him a smirk. He probably just thinks I'm being funny, but I know that this is just me putting my defenses up. I'll tell him about Voight eventually. Maybe.

"And just when I thought we were getting somewhere," He says with a bit of a laugh.

"Yeah sorry, you don't get to know that yet," I tell him solemnly, but a certain playfulness still laced through my tone. It's not like I don't trust him, I mean my life is in his hands every single day, but I'm just not ready to let him in. Not that like anyway.

"Well I had to try right," He tells me.

"And you aren't going to stop trying are you?" I say,

"You've got me figured out haven't you Erin Lindsay," He says with a grin, his eyes smiling. It's moments like this when I wonder if he's flirting with me. Those little quips and that smirk, it gets me every time.

"I'd like to think so," I say with a smile. I hear Emma start to stir, not quite crying but almost there. "Hey Es, did you have a good nap," I say quietly as I grab Emma from her stroller. She babbles in response to me, looking up at me with those big blue eyes.

"Es?" Jay asks as I bounce Emma in my arms.

"Her initials, Emma Shay Severide, E-S-S. Kelly's sister Katie took the first two and she started calling her that when she was born and it stuck." I explain to him. Katie. I should call her or something. I don't plan on talking to Kelly, for a while at least. But I know that Katie's still in Chicago and I always liked her. Her and Kelly drifted to say the least after her attack, but they got much close again after Emma was born and Emma adores her aunt. She's been asking to see her for the past couple months and I know Katie would love to see her.

"Cute," He comments.

"Emma," I say gently as I turn her around. "Can you say hi to Jay?"

"Jay," She responds in her own little dialect she says as he reaches her little arms out towards him.

"She likes you," I tell him with a smile as she climbs down off my lap and makes her way over to Jay.

"Oh," He says in surprise as Em begins to climb onto his lap.

"Sorry, she's a climber," I say as I start to make a move to pull her back.

"No don't worry about it," He tells me with a smile as he pulls her onto his lap, "My brothers both have kids, I'm used to it. We're all good, right?" He says, his words pointed at Emma. She nods up at him.

"You're lucky, I've got one hell of a picky daughter and you are one of the few who she lets hold her. She even gave her dad hell for a few months," I tell him with a smile.

"Well she's got good taste," He says with a smirk.

"Don't push it," I warn playfully, sending him a joking glare.

"I'll try my luck," He says with that stupid grin still stretching across his face.

"Hey," I say, deciding to take a little bit of a leap of faith, "I had planned to take Em to zoo today and I was wondering if you wanted to tag along?"

"Lincoln Park?"

"Unless you want to drive 40 minutes out to Brookfield, then yeah," I say with a smirk.

"Good," He responds, "That's the one my mom always brought us to," He says. Even with the small on his face, there's a certain sadness behind those blue eyes, one that I recognize all too well.

"Me too," I respond. Well not really. Bunny had a good day when I was maybe eight, she said she was going to bring us to the zoo. But she got into a fight with her boyfriend of the week and she spent the rest of the day throwing back vodka and that night passed out on the kitchen floor. I told Camille about it when I was 18 and she dragged all of us down to the Lincoln Park Zoo. Justin was 15 and it was the absolute last thing he wanted to do, spending the day looking at animals with his not even sister and his parents. He bitched about it all day and Hank gave her some crap about having to take a day off work for something that he thought was pointless, but she refused to give in. And that night just before I went to bed, I asked her why she did it. Her response was simple. Every little girl deserves at least one day at the zoo and I was her little girl. I'd never forget that.

And since the day Emma was born, I'd been dying to bring her there. I'd taken her to the Central Park Zoo more times than I can count, but it wasn't the same. Lincoln Park is different. And my words aren't entirely true, but it's close enough.

"I want to run home really quickly and jump in the shower, but can I meet you at the front entrance at 11? It shouldn't be too crowded yet," It's a little after eight now, so that gives me three hours to get my self showered and dressed and to put Em down for a quick nap.

"Yeah, that sounds perfect,"

 **I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and you'll leave me a quick review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addison**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it's been so long since I've updated, but I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Thank you to everyone that reviewed on the last chapter! Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin POV**

This is not a date. I just have to keep telling myself that. I can't help feeling like I'm doing something wrong. Like I'm betraying Kelly. But I'm not. I'm not his wife anymore. Besides it's not a date. But even it was, I wouldn't be doing anything wrong. But it's not. This is not a date. Though I did dress it up a little more than I usually would. Though he has only seen me in my minimal makeup that I wear for work.

Not insanely or anything, but I did slap a bit of eye shadow on and smear some lipstick over my naturally plump lips. Though I didn't feel motivated enough to actually do my hair, instead throwing a side braid after a quick blow dry, that was going to have to be good enough for now.

Luckily, it's not one of those four degree days in Chicago, the temperature is unusually warm, holding steady at 47 so I think I'll be able to get away without wearing the gigantic parka that usually accompanies me. I pull on a pair of light blue jeans and a white sweater, zipping a pair of brown boots up my calves and grabbing a pair of black gloves and my much too overused red beanie, throwing them both into Emma's diaper bag, just in case. I swipe my wrap jacket from the bed and loop it over my shoulders. Emma's been sitting on the floor as I've gotten ready, playing around with a bunch of Justin's old Beanie Babies that Hank dug out of the attic, her new favorite obsession.

I got her dressed first and the two of us are ready just in the nick of time, I said we'd meet Jay at 11, it takes twenty minutes to get to the zoo and I like to give myself at least fifteen minutes of wiggle room in case of traffic and to load Emma and all of her stuff in and out the car. It's 10:25 now, so we should probably get moving as I hate being late more than almost anything.

I don't bother to leave a note for Hank, I am an adult now after all, but I do shoot him a text just simply out of habit.

The radio plays softly in the background as we make the short drive over to Lincoln Park, Emma throwing a word in there every so often.

We pull up to the zoo early and I notice Jay standing by the entrance as we pass by while attempting to find parking. I guess he likes to be early too.

I'm quick to grab Emma from the back seat, buckling her into her stroller. She's 19 months old, so she can walk. But she started a little late, around 15 months, so she's not super great at it yet and I'm not entirely comfortable with letting her wander around in big spaces like this, so the stroller is always a good thing to have. That and she tends to fall asleep.

"Hey," I say, keeping my distance from him as we greet him. There's a strange tension in the air, neither of us really sure what we're doing here. We just have to find out footing.

"Hi," He says with a smile, "You're early too?"

"Always," I say with a grin. Somehow, that simple word, or maybe just the way it was said, but all the awkwardness of the situation just melts away and sets the tone for the entire day.

"So, she's nineteen months old?" He asks as we walk towards the entrance.

"Yep, she'll be two on June 3rd," I say with a smile as I push her stroller through the arch of metal, the brass animals standing tall on either side.

"Hey are you free February 20th? It's a Saturday night, three weeks from now, " He asks abruptly.

"Someone's planning ahead, why?" I ask him.

"I need you to go with me to the CPD CFD Brass Gala," He says.

"Is that a question or a statement?" I ask uneasily.

"Let's call it a request," He fills in.

"And why exactly?" I ponder as we stroll through the front of the zoo.

"For the last like six years, I've come to this thing with Beca and if I show up alone, all anyone is going to ask me about is where the hell Beca is and what happened. We'd go as friends of course, but will you come?"

"Oh we're friends now?" I tease.

"Erin please?" He pleads with me.

"Get me a babysitter and you've got a date," I tell him.

* * *

 **Jay POV**

"So you're taking her to this gala thing and I'm watching her kid for you, but this isn't a date?" My fifteen year old niece Maeve asks me as we walk down the hallway to Erin's new apartment. I'd helped her move in here about a week ago and she seems to be a better mood now that she has her own space. Though she wouldn't tell me who she was staying with before, simply telling me that it was family and I didn't question her any further.

"That would be correct," I say as I mess with the cuff of my sleeve.

"Whatever you say Uncle Jay," She says with a smirk on her face as I knock on Erin's front door. She's been doing this since the day she was born and she knows that she can get away with it too. She's my sister Kara's oldest daughter and the oldest of all my nieces and nephews and I've had a strong bond with her since day one. And Kara's told me that I'm her favorite uncle, not that she'd ever admit that to my face.

"You sure this is the right one?" She questions as the two of us linger next to each other.

"She told me 4C, this 4C?" I ask Maeve.

"Yeah," She says sarcastically with a roll of her blue eyes.

"Then it's the right one," I say as I begin to hear footsteps running up to the door. I put a smile on my face as it swings open. I have to take a second when I see Erin standing there. She looks absolutely gorgeous, wearing a long sleeve metallic gown in a deep shade of navy blue, her hair pulled into a soft updo at the back of her head. And as always, there's a baby on her hip.

"Hey," She says with a smile on her face, "You must be Maeve, c'mon in, I still have to grab a few things before we head out, but I'll be ready in a minute,"

"Here let me take her," I say with a smile, "She loves me more anyway,"

"Oh shut it," She tells me, though she hands Em over to me anyway before disappearing into her bedroom.

"Jay," She babbles as I take her in my arms. Over the past couple weeks, I'd taken quite a liking to Emma.

"Hey pretty girl," I say as she smiles up at me, giving me that toothy grin. "Can you say hi to my friend Maeve?"

"Hi," She says softly, hiding her face in my shoulder, her blonde waves messy around her pale face.

"C'mon, don't be shy," I encourage her.

"Hi Emma," She says with a soft smile, "we're going to have so much fun tonight,"

"Turtle?" She asks.

"What?" Maeve asks me, looking up in confusion.

"She's got a bunch of old Beanie Babies. Her favorite one is the turtle, so they get referred to as turtle as a whole," I explain to her.

"Oh okay,"

"Sorry about that guys," Erin interrupts as she comes out the bedroom, heel clicking along the hardwood floors, "I couldn't find my shoes,"

"Oh don't worry about it," Maeve assures her as I pass Emma back over to her mom.

"So I don't want to overwhelm you, but I just want to give you a quick rundown of everything. So she usually goes to sleep around 8, but if it's a little bit later don't worry about it. I fed her dinner before you got here, but if she gets hungry there's these strawberry yogurts in the fridge that she really likes. You're okay with changing diapers right?"

"Yeah, I help my aunts out with my little cousins all the time," She assures

"Okay great, everything you'll need for that in baskets on the changing table in her room. And you have Jay's number right?" Erin confirms.

"Uh huh," She responds.

"Okay awesome," She says before grabbing a pad of paper and a pen from a drawer, "Call me if you have any questions," She tells her as she scribbles down her number, "if I don't pick up, call Jay, and if you can't reach either of us, call my dad okay?" I have to do a double take as she hands the pad over to Maeve. Above the second number, the name Hank is written.

No way. It can't be Hank Voight. There's just no way. But I can't ask about it now, so I pocket it for later, but the whole idea still being at the forefront of my thoughts.

"Okay, that sounds good, is there anything else?" Maeve asks.

"Uh if she gets fussy, try giving her the-," Erin says.

"The turtle?" Maeve interrupts.

"Yeah how'd you know?" She asks curiously.

"Jay told me," She fills in.

"Oh you know that, I'm impressed," She says, half teasing as she turns her attention to me.

"I forget nothing," I assure her with a smirk.

"Okay so we're going to head out, please call me if you need anything, do not hesitate to pick up the phone okay?" Erin insists as she passes Emma over to Maeve.

"I won't, have fun guys," She tells us as Emma begins to settle in her arms, playing around with Maeve's long red hair, twirling strands around her fingers.

"Thanks Mae, we should be back around 11:30, I checked with your mom and she said it's fine, so I take you home after that okay?"

"Alright thanks Uncle Jay,"

"Seriously, just call if you need anything," Erin says again/

"I will, I will, go have fun, seriously," Maeve promises.

"Alright," She says softly, "bye Monkey," She adds as she gives Emma a kiss on the forehead.

"Bye Mama," She tells her.

"C'mon, let's go," I assure her as I grab her coat off the hook and loop it over her shoulders.

"Okay," She says, taking one final look at her daughter before the two of us walk out of her apartment.

"So," I ask as soon as the door shuts behind us. "Voight's your dad?" She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes before she looks back at me.

"How'd you figure it out?" She asks quietly.

"You wrote down the numbers for Mae, said it was your dad's. Hank's name was written above it,"

"I slipped up," She responds, probably talking to herself more than she is me.

"Why didn't you say anything? We've talked about family stuff before,"

"Because I didn't want you to think I was less of a cop, that I got into Intelligence based on nepotism," She admits to me.

"Erin I don't think any less of you, I work next to you everyday and I know that you're a solid cop. You earned your way into this unit just like all of us did, you're good police Lindsay,"

"Thanks Jay," She says sheepishly, "but seriously, if you knew what you know now on my first day, you would have thought differently." She's right. As much as I hate to admit it, if she came in and we all knew that she was Voight's daughter, she would have been labeled in the unit and the in the department immediately. And it would have taken her a long time to shake that. "Besides, it's more complicated than that,"

"You feel like sharing?" I ask as we make our way into the elevator.

"Not tonight, someday," She tells me as the giant metal crate descends down to the first floor.

"I'm holding you to that," I assure her.

"I'd expect nothing less,"

* * *

 **Erin POV**

"Erin Lindsay as I live and breathe," I hear from behind me. I chuckle slightly. I haven't heard that voice in almost seven years.

"It's been awhile Dawson," I say as I fall into the familiar arms of Gabriela Dawson, engulfing her in a hug that has been coming for way too long. "Hey Matt," I say as I move on to Casey standing beside her.

"What are you doing in Chicago?" Casey asks me as he releases me from the hug. "I thought you and Kelly we're still in New York,"

"Well he is, I'm here, I'm working for Hank Voight in Intelligence," I explain to them.

"Did something go down between you two?" Matt asks.

"Yeah, but I don't really want to get into it right now, how about you guys? What's been going on over at 51?"

"Well we're married now," She tells me as she shows me her left hand, a sparkling ring sitting on her finger.

"Why weren't we invited to the wedding?" I ask jokingly.

"It was kind of last minute, city hall deal," Matt fills in for me.

"Oh every girl's dream," I say with a laugh.

"Erin," I hear from behind me, Jay coming back with two drinks in his hand.

"Oh sorry," I say as I gratefully take one from his hand. "Jay, this is Matt Casey and Gabby Dawson, they work at Firehouse 51, you guys are still there right?"

"Yeah," Gabby fills in, "And we've met Jay before,"

"Yeah, we've worked a couple cases with them over the years," Jay tells me. "How do you know them?"

"Kelly worked at 51 with them, before we moved to New York,"

"Oh cool," He adds, giving me a look. I know all he really wants to know is how much I've told them.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom," Gabby says, "Erin you want to come? Leave the boys to talk?"

"Sure," I respond, "you okay?" I ask Jay, knowing the reason why I'm here.

"Yeah go ahead," He assures me. "I'll catch up with Matt,"

"Alright let's get real girl," Gabby says as soon as we're out of earshot. "What the hell happened with you and Sev and why are on a date with Jay Halstead?"

"Okay first, not a date. We're friends and we're partners. As for Kelly, we're separated. My call, not his. Since we have a child, we have to be living apart for a year before we can file. But as soon as that day comes, I'm filing the papers,"

"Wait you have a kid? Why didn't you tell me?" She asks. I can tell that she's a little but hurt by this. Gabby and I were really close when we were here, but after we moved to New York, everyone's lives were crazy and we just fell out of touch.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. She only 19 months old, so we weren't really talking when she was born and-"

"Just show me a picture," She says softly. I smile before grabbing my phone all I have to do is turn it on to show her my lockscreen.

"This is Emma Shay,"

"Shay?" She asks she looks up at me, tears brimming her chocolate eyes.

"It only seemed right," I say as I place my hand on her arm.

"She would have spoiled her rotten," She says with a bit of a laugh, but sadness lurking behind her voice. Kelly was Shay's best friend, but Gabby and Shay? They were like sisters. "Did Kelly just let you take her with you?"

"I didn't give him much of a choice, he was the one who screwed up and he wasn't going to say no to me," I explain. "And even if he did, he knew that I had the resources to get out anyway,"

"What happened?" She asks me softly.

"He cheated on me," I tell her reluctantly.

'He did what now?" She says, stopping in our tracks.

"I don't want to talk about it, but it's in the past now. I'm just, trying to move on." I explain to her.

"Alright, but if you need anyone to talk to or babysit maybe, you have my number," She tells me. "I will make myself that baby's favorite aunt,"

"Okay," I say with a smile. "Do me a favor?"

"Anything," She promises.

"Don't tell Matt about this. He screwed me over but I don't need his best friend hating him,"

"You're a much better person than I am Linds," She says, "I would never be able to hold back like that,"

"Please?" I plead with her.

"I won't, I promise,"

"Alright, let's find this bathroom then,"

"Oh I didn't have to use the bathroom, just wanted to get you alone," She says with a laugh. "I knew you wouldn't really talk out there,"

"It's good to know some things haven't changed,"

* * *

"Anybody ask you about Beca yet?" I ask as the two of us sit at the table together. We'd already made the rounds, talking to both old friends of mine and new people that Jay's met in the past few years.

"Nope we are in the clear, plan is working like a charm," He says, music and chatter swirling all around us.

"So I'm just part of plan?" I tease, shifting in my chair.

"Oh absolutely," He says with a smirk.

"Erin?" I look up to search for the voice calling my name. I feel my heart start to race in my chest as I match the face to his name.

"Jay I am so sorry for what you're about to witness," I say quickly as the man approaches us, a smile on his face that I'm nearly sure is about to fade away.

"What?" He responds, extremely confused.

"That's Benny Severide, my ex-husband's father,"

* * *

 **I hope you guys liked this chapter and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to leave them in a review or to PM me! Thanks for reading.**

 **Please Review!**

 **-Addison**


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm so sorry that it's taken me this long to update, but as I think I've mentioned, I've been working crazy hours these days and I've been going through some personal stuff, but I will try to update as fast as I possibly can, I don't want to leave you guys hanging! On another note, for all of you that have been asking if Kelly will be making an appearance, the answer is yes, he will be back at some point, but you'll have to wait and see what happens. I apologize for any errors that I missed in this chapter! Thanks for reading and I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

 **Erin POV**

"Kelly didn't tell me that you guys were in town, what are you doing here?" He asks. Alright this is going to be so much worse than I thought it was. Kelly really hasn't told his father anything. If he had, that wouldn't be a smile on his face. He probably wouldn't even be talking to me.

"Benny when was the last time you talked to Kelly?" I ask, standing up and deliberately distancing myself from Jay. The Severeide men both have fiery tempers and the last thing I want is Benny exploding on me in a ballroom full of Chicago first responders.

"Maybe a week ago why?" He asks, so clearly Kelly has been lying to him, "He said you were working more hours and he didn't know when you'd be able to come out to Chicago with Emma,"

"Listen Benny, Kelly's been lying to you. I left New York almost two months ago, we're separated, we've been separated," I say softly, careful to deliver this in a way that won't set him off. He's unpredictable, always has been. I guess that's another thing he passed down to his son.

'What?" He says, the confusion written all over his face and swimming in his deep blue eyes, the same one that he shares with Kelly and the same eyes that he passed onto our daughter.

"He didn't tell you?" I say quietly, trying my hardest to keep quiet and under control. The last thing I want to do is make a scene, especially with one of the most well known men within the department. He doesn't need that and I certainly don't.

"Erin he didn't tell me anything, what the hell is going on?" He asks again.

"Benny I think you need to talk to your son," I say as I attempt to turn away. I really, really should not be the one to have to tell him about this. That's Kelly's part pf the deal.

"No, I'm going to talk to you, now tell me what the hell is going on!" He says, grabbing my shoulder and turning me back towards him, a rage now in his eyes. I feel a slight fear course through me, pulling me back to when I was fifteen and Charlie would grab me.

"Not here," I hiss, shoving the concern away, but yanking away from him. I can see Jay coming closer out of the corner of my eye. He's ready to do whatever it takes to get me out of this situation.

"Erin I'm not taking no for an answer," He says, his voice raising as he comes closer to me. I can almost feel the anger radiating off his body.

"Hey let's take a step back!" Jay yells, putting himself in between me and Benny. I know that he's trying to help me, he's my partner and my friend and that's his instinct. But I know that this is only going to make things so much worse.

"This is a private family matter, between me and my daughter-in-law," He exclaims at Jay.

"Then I suggest you handle it privately," Jay urges, the volume of his voice rising.

"And who the hell are you?" Benny doesn't even wait to answer before he's almost screaming again. "Did you leave Kelly for this idiot? Is that why you're back in Chicago? You just took your daughter and left?"

"First of all, no. No I didn't leave Kelly for him. And second, he's not an idiot, he's my partner," I exclaim back at him, I can't deal with Benny's bullshit right now and I'm not going to stand for him insulting Jay.

"Then why the hell did you leave!" He yells again, this time at me, the same fire still raging in his eyes and the prospect that any of this is Kelly's fault virtually unfeasible to him. I can feel the fury building in me as each and every word leaves his mouth. I don't even think before I say it.

"He cheated on me okay! Your son cheated on me! Kelly cheated on me!" I almost scream at him, instantly regretting it. I can hear the volume in the room drop to almost nothing and I can feel all eyes on me as the color rushes to my cheeks. So much for not telling Casey and the guys from 51, now the whole CFD and CPD will know within a matter of days.

"Erin," I hear from the left as Jay's hand finds it's way to my arm, "Let's get you out of here," I nod silently, grabbing my clutch from the table and following his lead out of the busy ballroom. People's eyes have not left me. The way that everyone knows the name Hank Voight within our department, in the Chicago Fire Department, it's hard to find anyone that doesn't recognize the Severide name. And when Benny found out that Kelly and I were getting married, he shouted it to the rooftops and from there it spread like wildfire. I don't doubt that this will be a similar situation.

I can feel the tears streaming down my face at this point. I don't know when they started, but as the eyes of everyone in that room burn into me, I know that they're there. Salty and warm, leaving behind trails of my pale skin as fall.

"Are you okay?" Jay asks, his hands placed on my shoulders as we stand outside the hotel. I don't respond to him. I still can't believe that any of that just happened. "I'm going to take you home, get you to sleep,"

"No," I respond shortly.

"No?" He asks as he slips his coat on.

"I can't go home, not like this," I tell him as I put on my jacket, shielding myself from the bite of the frozen breeze.

"Okay," He says, looking at me confused, "where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. I don't care, just take me somewhere, anywhere,"

* * *

"The Riverwalk, interesting choice," I say as we make our way down the dozens of steps to the water. The tears have stopped, or at least slowed down and I've managed to slow down my heart rate and calm myself down. I know that some of my makeup must be smeared over my face, but I don't really care. It's just Jay. He's seen me worse.

"I knew that it would be pretty empty this time of night and it's a good place. Or not talk," He comments, his hand brushing up against the back of mine.

"I really don't want to talk about Kelly or Benny or anything, distract me," I say as we settle on a stone bench, virtually no one else in sight as the moon hangs high in the sky, a silver light falling over the water.

"With what?" He asks.

"Anything," I respond.

"You're a confusing woman Erin Lindsay," He teases, his knee rubbing against mine.

"I know, now just distract me. I don't know, tell me about your family. I assume you have a big one," I say, trying to push all of my thoughts to the back of my head and put all my energy into this conversation, leaving none for me to worry with.

"You assume?" He questions.

"Well it's more of an educated guess. You mentioned a while ago that you had brothers, but Maeve is your sister Kara's daughter. Which means that you have at least three siblings, which constitutes big to me," I tell him.

"You remember all of that? I think I mentioned my brothers to you in passing like two months ago," He says, seeming slightly creeped out, but also highly impressed that I remembered all of that.

"You're not the only one who takes notes Halstead," I tell him, knocking his shoulder as I lighten the mood. Before I even got into the Academy, Voight had always told me to always pay attention and to always listen, keeping all of it filed away in the back of your head. You never know when you might need to use it.

"Fair enough," He adds, "Well you were right, I do have a pretty big family. I am one of five kids,"

"Five?" I almost exclaim. I was expecting him to confirm my theory of three.

"Yeah five," He says with a grin. "My mom was kind of a superhero,"

"Yeah, I can barely deal with one I can't imagine four more, tell me about them," I say, urging him to reveal a little bit more about himself. He's my partner and we've hung out and talked before, but it's usually revolving around either Emma or whatever case we're working that week.

"Well there's twins first. Kara's older by six and a half minutes, something she pretty much never let's Cole forget," He says with a bit of a chuckle. I can only imagine the memories flashing through his head, all the times that she ridiculed him about that or used it as an arguing point. But I do know, just from his smile, that that's exactly what he's thinking.

"Tell me about Kara," I say softly.

"Well, she's a badass. And she was the golden child, perfect grades, star of our school's soccer team and designated babysitter for many, many years. She got into UC San Diego on partial scholarship and she met a guy in the Navy named Garrett Ryan and they got married right after she graduated. She moved around with him, had few kids. She was the perfect wife, doting mother, and pretty much any parent's dream. You met Maeve, but she has two other daughters Brenna and Shea, they're eleven and eight,"

"They Irish?" I ponder, putting together the origin of all of her kids' name.

"More than you know, his parents immigrated to Chicago in the seventies and they've brought the kids back over there a couple of times," He says with a solemn grin, "but he was killed overseas a couple of years ago and she came back to Chicago with the girls, she's been teaching European history at UIC,"

"Wow," I say. I wasn't expecting that. It certainly does put all of my issues into perspective, making them seem so much smaller.

"I think you'd like her, you have a lot in common," He comments.

"What? Being single moms?"

"Well yes, but that wasn't what I was thinking," He says quickly, "but you're both strong, really strong. And you're good moms, putting your kids before everything else,"

"Well I'd love to meet her sometime, she sounds really great. And she did a hell of a good job raising Maeve," I tell him. She really does, and if she's anything like her brother, I know that I'll love her.

"I'm sure we can work something out," He responds.

"Okay, now tell me about Cole, he's the next one right?" I ask, slightly adjusting my position.

"Yes and if Kara was the golden child in high school, Cole was the total opposite, big problem child. Parties, drugs, alcohol, a new girl every other week, the whole nine yards." I can hear the disappointment in his voice and that only makes me more hesitant to tell him about my past. I really, really don't want to ruin whatever it is that we have going. "He barely got into college, but once he did, he met this girl. Beth Matthews. He thought she was going to be like every other girl he'd been with, an easy bang and then he'd leave her a couple weeks later. But she made him work for it and they got married a couple years after they graduated. He was one who continued on the trend of the Halstead 5, Nathan, Andrew, Caleb, Elliott and Lily. They're holy terrors all of them, and Beth was hoping for a quiet little girl, but once Lils was born her brothers took her under their wings and she goes just as hard," He says with a laugh, "but she is damn cute, so she get's away with a lot than she should. Or at least, more than her brothers get away with. She has my brother wrapped around her little finger,"

"Oh that poor woman," I say with a big of a laugh, his stories drawing him in a whole new light to me. There's so much more to him that I originally thought.

"Yeah I really don't know how she does it," He says with a grin.

"Are you next?" I ask.

"Nope, my brother Will. Surgeon at Med, married to a surgeon at Med with three little geniuses for children. Well one of them is a stepchild, but I don't think I've ever heard him refer to Owen as such,"

"That's good, it's important for children in a blended family to feel like one unit, especially when new kids come into the mix," I tell him, rattling facts off of some pamphlet that I read about blended families at Emma' pediatrician's office.

"Now you're starting to sound like a textbook Linds," He teases.

"I've been studying up," I admit, failing to tell him where I had acquired such information.

"Well, anyway, Owen's their oldest, his dad died over in Afghanistan before he was born, so my brother stepped pretty early on. Will and Natalie we're-,"

"Wait sorry," I interrupt, "Natalie's his wife right?"

"Sorry yeah, I forgot to add that part in. But they were friends when Owen was born, started dating maybe eight months later and they we're married at the courthouse before his second birthday." He says with a smile on his face, "He made sure that the entire family was there, so there were way too many people packed into that tiny little room in the back of the room in that courthouse on West Randolph. But it was a really good day, Kara held a little party over at her house and they danced under the hanging lights in the backyard until two in the morning,"

"That's really sweet, what about the other two kids?." I ask.

"Well they have twins, two little girls with big brown eyes, Marin and Ainsley. Actually they're around Emma's age, maybe a few months older, maybe they could have a play date sometime?" He suggests.

"Yeah, that sounds like a great idea actually," I say, his words bringing a smile to my face as I think of my daughter, "It would be really good for her to make some new friends,"

"Well those two are about as friendly as it gets, and I think you'd get along really well with Nat,"

"Set it up, give me a date and time and we'll be there," I say with a grin. It'll be good for Emma to meet some more kids, the only one's she really interacts with are the few at her daycare and she hasn't really taken a liking to any of them, so it's definitely worth a shot.

"I'll give them a call," He says, a bit of an awkward silence filling the space between us.

"Okay, so we've done one through three, who's the last one?" I ask, a certain excitement filling my chest as I think about reaching the end of the story. These are the people that he grew up with, the people that shaped him. If anyone had an effect on him, it would be them.

"My baby sister, Anabel. She was the surprise baby, so she's a whole lot younger than any of us, but we love her just the same. She was always the little squirt running around when any of us had friends over and I don't remember a single one of mine or either of my brother's girlfriends not thinking that she was adorable," He says with a chuckle. "She's always been a bit of a rebel and she's the only one that's not in Chicago, but she shows up every so often,"

"Where does she live?" I ask.

"Washington DC, she moved there straight out of college, she works for some politician over there. Personally, I can't stand politics, they've always left a bad taste in my mouth, but Mel took a shining to it in college and God knows the girl can argue. She's going places, not sure where, but she's going to do some great things," He says as he stares off into the cracks and crevices of the city, street lights opening up the dark streets and alleys.

"Well she did have a really good big brother to show her the ropes," I offer as I nudge him in the side.

"I'm not so sure about that, but she was fun, if nothing else, Mel is a party," He says with a bit of a chuckle.

"Alright, so now that I know everything and anything there is to know about your family, tell me about you." I say, wanting to delve deeper into the complexity that is Jay Halstead.

"What?" He asks in confusion.

"We already talked about me tonight, tell me about you," I say.

"Okay fair enough, what do you want to know?" He responds as he turns back to face him, his blue eyes crystal clear as I look for something swimming within them.

"Why'd you become a cop?" I ask.

"That one's easy, I love this city and I love the people in this city, I wanted to protect that, however I could," He answers honestly. "And I want to do that for as long as I can,"

"I'm sure you love being the hero too right?" I tease.

"What no," He says, with a smirk on his face, though I can tell he's lying.

"Liar," I say with a chuckle, "everyone likes to be a hero,"

"You got me there Linds," He says, his smirk fading to a smile.

"Shoot what time is it?" I say as I look up, breaking our conversation as I see the clock on the side of the Wrigley Building looming above us, the face illuminated. Since we ran out of that hotel, it's felt like time has stopped. But time had continued to tick around us.

"Shit, it's a little before 11, I told Kara I would have Mae home by 11:30," He says as as he jumps up.

"Let's go," I say, hurrying to get up and making sure that I don't put a heel through the back of my dress. "Halstead?" I say once we've reached the top of the stairs again.

"Yeah?" He says, stopping for a second and looking back at me from his position a few feet in front of me.

"Thanks for the distraction," I tell him honestly.

"Anytime Er,"

* * *

 **Jay POV**

"Listen, I'm sorry about tonight," I say as we walk down the hallway to Erin's apartment.

"Don't be sorry Jay," She tells me.

"No, if I wouldn't have brought you there, you never would have had to have that run in with Benny and this whole mess could have been avoided,"

"Jay," She says looking seriously over at me, "It's fine, I had a really great night. And you turned something really, really shitty into something kind of good. Besides it's been awhile since I've been out, I think I needed this,"

"Well, you make a pretty great date," I say as we approach her door.

"Thanks," She says with a solemn smile. "But seriously, I had a really great night. And thanks, for stepping in with Benny and for taking me to Riverwalk, I really appreciate it, all of it,"

"That's why you have back up right?" I say, cocking an eyebrow slightly and punching her playfully in the arm.

"Always," She replies as she unlocks her front door, pushing it open to see Maeve curled up on the couch and Emma nowhere in sight.

"Hey," Maeve says cheerfully, though the exhaustion is clear within her eyes. Something I'm hoping Erin doesn't pick up on.

"How was she?" Erin asks as she pulls off her shoes and hangs her coat on the wall hooks.

"She was fine, went to bed right at eight and she hasn't woken up since," Maeve says as she gathers up her phone and jackets and the other little things she brought with her.

"Good, I'm glad she behaved for you," She tells her.

"Alright Maevy, I should get you home to your mother, who might kill me if we're late," I say as I usher her towards the front door.

"Oh I have to pay you, let me grab some cash," She says as she begins to run back to her bedroom.

"Erin, I got it, just go to bed. I know that you're exhausted. I got this," I say, pulling out my hand to stop her. She's already been through the ringer tonight and I really just want her to get to bed, get some rest and come back tomorrow morning with a clear head.

"Jay I can't let you do that," She argues, I knew she was going to. Erin Lindsay isn't just someone who just rolls over, for anything.

"Don't worry about it, I'll just have you bankroll lunch a couple days with week," I assure her. She won't accept it if it's just a free ride, she doesn't do that kind of thing. I tried to pay for her lunch one time and she was just not having it.

"Fine, thank you ," She says, giving into my offer.

"I'll see you next week, get some rest okay? Text me if you want to talk about, you know," I say, careful not to mention any details in front of Maeve. The last thing I need is getting a weird phone call from Kara at 3 in the morning. Plus I'm pretty sure that Erin doesn't want my fifteen year old niece finding out about this.

"I got it, thanks again. And thank you Maeve for watching her, I really appreciate it." She says again as she waves over to us.

"No problem, she's a fun little girl," Maeve says.

"And I sincerely hope that lasts once she turns two," She jokes.

"I'm sure she'll be fine," She tells her with a smile as I walk the two of them back to the door.

"Go to bed," I tell her sternly as she lingers in the doorway.

"Yes sir," She says jokingly. "Drive safe guys,"

"Will do Linds,"

* * *

"So how'd you date go?" Maeve teases from the passenger side of my Charger.

"It wasn't a date," I say with a groan as I pull onto my sister's street.

"It wasn't a date," She says, mocking me as she mimics my tone.

"It wasn't," I insist as we arrive at her house.

"Really? 'Cause it really seems like it was a date," She says with that stupid smirk that her mother always says she's picked up off of me.

"Maeve Olivia Ryan, it was not a date," I say, putting a certain emphasize on each word.

"Sure," She says, drawing out the word as she hops out of the passenger side. God she is impossible.

"I'll walk you up," I say giving up on my mission to dissuade her from the idea that it wasn't a date. Which it wasn't. We're just friends. Though I really wouldn't mind if it turned into something more. I don't think I would mind at all. But it's not like that could happen. Voight already hates in house relationships and now that I know he's her dad, there's no way in hell. But I do care about her, that won't change.

"You know, if that was a date, I highly recommend keeping that going. I really like her and her kid," She tells me. "I wouldn't mind having an Aunt Erin and a new baby cousin,"

"Mae, I don't know how many times I have to tell you that this wasn't a date, but she is my partner and she'll be around. This isn't the last time that you'll be seeing them," I promise her.

"Good," She says as she unlocks the front door. "Mama I'm home," She calls out. I know that Kara will still be awake, no matter how many times all of us tell her that she doesn't have to, she always waits up for her kids. Always.

"Go on up to bed," She says as she appears in the hallway, her long red hair pulled up into a bun on the top of her head and her makeup long gone, "I'm going to talk to your uncle for a minute, but I'll be up a second,"

"You don't need to do that Mom," Maeve calls behind her in a singsongy voice. "I'm fifteen, you don't need to tuck me in,"

"But I'm going to anyway," She promises.

"Whatever," She says slightly softer, as her footsteps echo on the wooden stairs.

"Hey little brother," She says, talking me into a hug. I see my sister all the time, but she never fails to greet my like this.

"You know that you really don't have to wait up for her, she's fifteen and you can trust me with her," I assure her as we stand there together, each of us on my one side of the door frame.

"I know, but she's my baby. She's always going to be my baby," She tells me, justifying her actions. Though she doesn't need to, at all. Since losing Garrett, she's strengthened her grip on her girls. She was holding on for dear life then, and she's holding on for dear life now.

"Alright, just don't go too Mama Bear on her," I joke.

"I'll try," She says with a wink. "But more importantly, how was your date?"

"It wasn't a date," I insist once again. Like mother, like daughter I guess.

"Yes it was!" Maeve yells back down the stairs.

'You're not helping!" I call back to her.

"Didn't intend to!" She yells back.

"Fine, how was your not date?" She teases.

"It was good, we had a lot of fun. We talked and we danced, caught up with old friends and made some new ones," I tell her, careful to leave out the details of the Riverwalk and the Benny incident.

"Well I'm glad you had a good night, you deserve it," She tells me as she places a caring hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks Kare," I say with a smile.

"Anytime JJ," She says with a chuckle, bringing back the nickname she and Cole came up with when I was born.

"Don't call me that," I warn her.

"You can't escape it little brother," She jokes. "Okay I'm sorry, I was going to try not to say anything, but you know me, I can't keep my mouth shut, so I've got to ask, what's stopping you with this girl? It's pretty obvious that you like her, I mean you pulled out all the stops tonight,"

"Kara please," I plead with her.

"No seriously, what the hell is stopping you?" She questions again. She's always been stubborn, bull headed. And I know that she won't give up until she gets what she want's out of me. It might just be better to fess up and cut my losses now.

"Work okay? Our boss has a rule. And she's just getting out of a relationship, a long one, and a serious one. I don't even know if she's there yet, I haven't ever said anything." I tell her, leaving out the part about said boss as being her father.

"Well you never know until you ask," She tells me.

"Kara," I say again.

"No Jay, I want you to be happy. And I haven't seen this light in your eyes since Beca," She claims.

"She's off limits, our boss made that pretty clear to me," I say, reiterating my previous point.

"Okay fine, do whatever you want, but just listen to me for a second. You have never been one to live within the lines," She says, a certain sparkle in her eyes. Kara Louise, always the one with the advice. The oldest and the wisest.

"Okay, I love you. I'll call you sometime this week," I promise.

"Bye bye baby brother," She says before closing the door. Maybe she's right. Maybe the possibilities outweigh the consequences. I need to take a risk. I need to leap. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

* * *

 **Erin POV**

I know Jay told me to go to sleep and I probably should, but I just can't. I feel electrified. That wasn't even a date, but maybe I wish it was. There's something there, something that was never there with Kelly. And I couldn't tell you exactly what it is. But when I can tell you, is that I've been sitting on my couch for the last forty minutes, still in my dress, and not able to get Jay Halstead out of my head. I feel like I'm in seventh grade again, writing his name in my math notebook and snapping it shut before anybody else could see it. There's butterflies in my stomach and a fear in my heart.

My life is crazy, I have a baby and a cheating and lying scumbag of an husband that I can't legally divorce for another ten months. Let alone Voight's rule. I can't drag him into this. Before I even think about starting anything, I have to clean up my mess. And I have got a pretty big mess.

My thoughts are interrupted as I hear a knock on my door. Who the hell would be here at this hour? It's after midnight. I'm not even usually awake at this hour. Unless of course, I'm trying to get Emma back to sleep. Just as a caution, I grab my gun, concealing it behind me in my left hand as I slowly unlock the door and swing it open.

I feel my hands release around the handle of the gun as it drops to the floor in my shock and I start to feel a little lightheaded as color rushes to my cheeks.

"Hey Erin,"

* * *

 **Sorry it's been so long since I've given you guys an update! But I hope you guys enjoyed this one and the length made up for the long wait. If you guys have any questions, please feel free to leave them in a review or shoot me a PM.**

 **Thanks for reading and please review!**

 **-Addison**


	9. Chapter 9

**Another chapter for you guys! Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed that last chapter! This one is a little bit shorter, but I felt like it was a good place to cut it off and I wanted to get another chapter out for you guys this weekend because I don't think I'll be able to get another one out until maybe Friday. But I hope you guys like this one! Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin POV**

" _Hey Erin,"_

I never thought I would have to see him again. Not like this anyway, maybe in a courtroom or even dropping Emma off for visitation, but here, standing in my doorway in the middle of the night, no. I never thought I would see that again.

"How the hell did you find me?" I demand, shock pulsing through my body as I feel my legs start to weaken, his image settling in in front of me. The last time I saw him, he was naked in our bed, but not with me, yelling for me to rethink all of this.

"I hired a PI," He admits, no regret or shame in his words. And in that instance, my shock and uneasiness turns into pure anger. He hired a PI? He's had someone following me? Not just anger at him for doing it, anger at myself for not noticing it.

"Kelly what the hell," I exclaim at him. I never would have put it past him to have me followed three months ago, but I also would have said that he would never cheat on me.

"You disappeared on me, no warning with my only child. I tried calling, I tried texting. Nothing. What was I supposed to do? Just let you disappear in the wind?" He says as he crossed my threshold, making me even more uncomfortable. I don't want him anywhere near me or near my daughter.

"Yes, because you cheated on me and I asked for space, I thought you'd be able to respect that. I told you that I would call when I was ready," I tell him.

"And I'm sorry about that, I was drunk and it was a mistake," He defends. Of course he's sorry. But I don't think he's sorry that he did it, he's sorry that I caught him. If I hadn't have caught that earlier flight and never walked in on him, I would still be in New York. And he still might be sleeping with her.

"You were drunk at 4 in the afternoon when you had to pick up our child less than two hours later?" I demand, seeing yet another issue with his story. I'm fuming at this point. I already had a stand off with his dad today, I really, really don't want to have to deal with him too. We're not even going to talk about his completely disregard of me leaving him and his father having absolutely no idea. That tells me that he thought that we could get through it, that maybe I would come back. No. I will not be coming back, not then, not now, not ever.

"I had something figured out, it was all going to be fine by the time that you got home,"

"That's not what matters Kel!" I yell at him. "You cannot justify that, any of it!"

"Where is she?" He demands, completely disregarding my comment and moving onto his own agenda.

"She's asleep, in her bedroom. And no, you can't see her," I tell him. I am determined to keep Emma away from him. There is no way that he will be setting foot anywhere near her.

"Erin she's my daughter," He bargains with me.

"You should have thought about that before you brought another woman into our bed," I tell him, my voice quieting, but the resistance rising, my force holding steady.

"I said I was sorry," He brings up again, his voice rising as my lowers.

"That's not enough!" I insist. "You can't just apologize for this! That won't make it all okay. That won't make it so it never happened,"

"What do you want me to do!?" He exclaims.

"Leave, I want you to leave," I say as I attempt to slam the door in his face. But he's stronger than me, he pushes back, making his way back into my apartment. I don't want him here, I really don't want him here. I don't want him anywhere near me.

"I'm not going anywhere," He says, standing in the entryway, the front door still open behind him. I feel a sense of fear rush through me as he stands in front of me, much taller than me and certainly bigger, his eyes flaming with fury.

I feel my heart leap as I see someone standing behind him, his bow tie and the first button of his shirt undone. Oh thank God.

"Erin?"

"Who the hell are you?" Kelly asks forcefully as he turns around to face him. I think he might punch him out, I don't know. I don't know anything about him anymore. I don't know what he's capable of.

"I'm her partner," He says, still trying to keep calm in this very strange scenario. I'm really going to have to thank him later.

"And you're here in the middle of the night? Holy hell Erin, are you sleeping with him? With Emma in the next room?" He asks, the volume of his voice rising.

I feel anger start to rise in my chest again.

"No Kelly I'm not sleeping with him!" I yell at him. "And even if I was, it wouldn't be any of your business, you don't get to say anything about my life anymore," I internally groan as I hear Emma start to scream. Fantastic, I woke her up.

Kelly starts to move towards the sound of the cries, but Jay stops him.

"Not so fast," Jay says, his face stoic as he steps between me and Kelly.

"Since when do I have to listen to you?" Kelly demands.

"Since right freaking now," He says, his eyes blazing as he looks directly into Kelly's eyes. "Erin go get her, I'll take care of this," I nod quickly, wanting to get out of a scenario for the second time tonight. I run back to her bedroom, but over her wails I can still hear the heated conversation between the two guys.

"I swear to God if you're sleeping with her," Kelly yells at Jay.

"You'll do what? Kill me? Listen, you don't have her trust, at all, you don't deserve it, not one bit. And I suggest if you ever want to see your daughter again, you need to get yourself together." Jay tells him as I pull a screaming Emma from her crib, holding her close to my chest and running my hand over the back of her head, the feeling of her soft blonde baby curls against my palm somehow calming me down as my heart races in my chest.

"It's okay Emmy, it's all going to be over soon. You're okay," I whisper into her ear, in my attempt to soothe her back to sleep, her wails filling the air.

"This isn't over, I'm staying in Chicago. I'm going to get my daughter back. Tell Erin to expect papers in a few days, I'm suing her for custody," I feel the tears start to form in my eyes as Kelly slams the door behind him. I can't lose her. She's my entire life. She's my world, she has been since the second she was born. The instant I saw her, she had my heart. And she's kept a damn strong hold on it every since.

As my breathing quickens, hers slows down and she quickly falls back asleep on my chest. But I can't bring myself to put her down.

"Hey," I hear as Jay appears in the doorway of her bedroom. I quickly take a hand and wipe the tears from my eyes. I can't believe I'm crying in front of him for the second time tonight. "He's gone,"

"I know, thank you," I say as he comes towards me, putting a protective hand on my shoulder.

"C'mon, put her back to sleep, you need to get some rest," He encourages me,

"I can't," I say softly as I breathe in her familiar scent, my face buried in the top of her head.

"Yes you can. She's not going anywhere," He promises me, his voice soothing as he gently takes her from my arms. "It's all going to be okay," I watch silently, my arms folded under my chest as he lays her down, careful to make sure that she doesn't wake up.

"C'mon," He says, looping his arm around me and leading me back into the living room. We don't even make it to the couch before I collapse into his arms in a fit of wails.

"Jay I can't lose her," I choke out through the tears, "She's everything, she's my entire world. I don't know what I would be without her,"

"I know, I know," He says, soothing me as he rubs a hand down my back. "And you're never going to need to find out, you're not going to lose her. And maybe he's just blowing air, trying to get a rise out of you,"

"No that's not like him," I assure him, "He's serious. And he won't give up until he get's what he wants,"

"Okay, then if that's the case, then we won't either." He tells me, his face stoic as he looks onto me.

"We?" I ask, confused by his previous statement.

"You thought I was going to let you fight this alone? We're partners and we're friends, I've got your back Linds, that doesn't end when we walk out the district doors," He assures me,

"Thanks Jay," I say, my tears subsiding as I try to pull myself together.

"Alright let's get you to bed, sleep it off and we can talk about it in the morning okay?" He says as he grabs my hand leading me back towards the bedroom.

"Okay," I quietly comply. He grabs a pair of pajamas from my closet and gently hands them over to me.

"Can you unzip me?" I ask, not really caring if he sees the back of my bra. It's not a big deal anymore, especially after that had happened tonight.

"Yeah, c'mere," He says, I feel his cool hands as the base of my neck as the zipper falls down my back. I slip my arms out of the dress before throwing an old NYPD t-shirt that falls past my black lace underwear, letting the dress fall to the floor before pulling up a pair of pajama shorts.

"Thank you, for everything," I tell him as he tosses my dress on a chair next to the dresser.

"Anytime Er," He says as I slip into my bed, the covers cool against my bare skin.

"Hey why did you come back anyway?" I ask. I didn't really think about it before, I was too wrapped up in the whole Kelly thing and trying to get Emma back to sleep. But I still have absolutely no idea why he would come back to the apartment. Though I am grateful for it.

"Don't worry about it, just rest okay?" He tells me as he pulls the covers up against me.

"Okay, I'm just glad that you came back. I don't know what Kelly would have done if you hadn't kicked him out, but you really don't have to keep saving me," I tell him, being so so grateful that he was here. I am almost certain that if he hadn't have been here, Kelly would not have left my apartment without more of a struggle.

"You would have been able to handle yourself, I have no doubts, you're kind of a badass Erin Lindsay" He assures me with a tiny small, "But I'm glad that I was here, I don't mind saving you. I'm sure that you'll save my ass more than a couple times down the road, we'll even out, don't you worry,"

"Thanks," I say with a solemn smile. "I'm going to be okay, right?"

"If anyone can pull through this, it's you. I've got total faith in you Er," He tells me. I feel a bit of a flutter in my stomach as he calls me by my nickname. It seems like it would be a fairly obvious nickname, but Jay has been the first and only person to ever call me that. He never asked, but one day we were rolling out in the 300 and it just started.

"Okay," I respond, not really sure what to say. I'm glad that he believes in me, but I'm not sure if I do. I basically kidnapped Kelly's kid, that isn't going to make me look good in court at all. I may be the better parent, but all the judge is going to see is that I walked out with his kid and moved four states away.

"Alright, I'm going to head out now. Call me in the morning and just whenever you need me okay?" He says. I know that I probably won't be sleeping tonight, I'll be too worried about Emma and Kelly and everything.

"Okay," I say quietly, watching him walk out of my bedroom. Suddenly something comes over me. I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was if you asked, but something was there. "Don't go,"

"What?" He says, stopping in his tracks and looking back at me, shock painted all over his face.

"Don't go, I really don't want to be alone right now," I admit.

"Do you want me to sleep on the couch?" He asks, not even questioning my beyond strange request.

"Just lay next to me, please?" I ask, biting down nervously on my bottom lip as I wait for his response.

"Yeah of course," He says, pulling off his shoes and sliding his jacket off. God I really do have the best partner in the world.

"Thank you," I say as I feel the bed dip under his weight.

"C'mere," He says. I scoot over to lay my head down on his shoulder. It doesn't feel sexual at all, but it feels good. Comforting. But for the first time, it does feel like there could be something there. I know that nothing is going to happen, not tonight at least. But maybe I could move on after Kelly. That I could be happy. And that I deserved to be happy. "You're going to be okay. You're going to make it through this and everything is going to be okay," He promises as his chest rising and falls under my head. God I hope he's right.

We lay there for I don't know how long, neither of us bothering to look at the clock. I don't say anything, neither does he. We just lay there, listening to the near silent sounds of each other breathing and a million worries racing through my head. Eventually, I feel my eyelids start to droop and I'm overcome by sleep, feeling strangely secure, but so freaking scared.

* * *

 **I hope you guys liked this chapter! I'm don't know if I'm totally happy with it, but let me know what you guys think. If you have any questions, please leave them in the reviews or shoot me a PM.**

 **Please review,**

 **Addie**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry it's been so long since I've updated, but you know life happens. Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter and you'll let me know what you think! Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Jay POV**

I wake up to the faint sound of Emma crying in the next room over. The confusion hits me first, then I roll over and see Erin lying asleep next to me and the events of last night come rushing back to me. She's sound asleep and I know that she's exhausted, emotionally and physically, so I make the call to get up before Emma wakes her up. She really needs the sleep. I move quickly, making my way into her bedroom and she's screaming bloody murder, her sweet face scrunched up and red as tears stream down her face, her blonde curls swirling around her face.

"Shh, shh, shh," I say as I try to comfort her, swooping her into my arms and leaning back into the glider that Erin put in a few weeks ago.

"Mama!" She cries out.

"It's okay Emmy, I'm here. Mama's sleeping," I tell her as I hold her against my chest, trying my best to rock her back to sleep to no avail. I take a deep breath and start singing the only thing even close to a lullaby that I can remember.

 _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

 _You make me happy when skies are gray_

 _You'll never know dear, how much I love you_

 _Please don't take my sunshine away_

 _In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me_

 _When I awake my poor heart pains._

 _So when you come back and make me happy_

 _I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame._

 _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

 _You make me happy when skies are gray_

 _You'll never know dear, how much I love you_

 _Please don't take my sunshine away_

She slowly begins to fall back asleep in my arms as finish out the last part of the chorus, her breathing slowing and the redness retreating from her face as she falls back into her slumber. I know that she's asleep and I should put her back into her crib, but I don't want to. It's comforting for some reason, just having her so close to me.

In this moment, she's safe. Kelly can't take her away from Erin. She's in my arms and she's safe. I don't want to let go of that.

* * *

 **Erin POV**

As I wake up and remember the events of last night, I reach over to the other side of the bed and I'm met with cold sheets. That's weird. But it's fine, he probably had to run out early this morning. I try to shove down the disappointment. He didn't have to be here last night, that was a favor and he doesn't owe me anything. But I'm still disappointed that he's not here.

Deflated, I roll out of bed and pull a sweatshirt on over my pajamas, making my way over to Emma's room to check on her. As I round the corner into her room, I realize that he's still here.

He's here, asleep in a chair with my daughter in his arms still in his white dress shirt from last night, the top two buttons undone. I think my heart just about melts. She must have gotten up or something in the middle of the night and he was there. He's always here.

Why have I distanced myself from him? He's the perfect guy and he's been sitting in front of me this whole time. What's been stopping me? Voight's rule? I've never really been one for rules, I don't know why I started all of the sudden. But I do know that I can't get this man out of my head. But I can't drag him into my mess. He doesn't deserve that.

"Mama," Emma says as she looks up at me, her cheeks still flushed pink with sleep. So I guess she's awake. I'd been standing there for maybe a couple minutes, just looking at them, watching them coexist together before I even realized.

"Hi baby girl," I say with a slight wave from the doorway. Jay begins to stir at our words, his arms still wrapped loosely around her as she plays with the buttons on his shirt.

"Good morning," I tell him with a smile as he glances over at me. "How'd you sleep,"

"Pretty well considering I've had a toddler on my chest for the last five hours," He says with a grin before flipping her around as she babbles happily in his lap, her hands waving around rapidly.

"You know I would have gotten her, you should have just woken me up," I tell his, crossing over to the glider in the corner of the room and taking her out of his arms, resting her on my hip as she plays with my hair.

"I know," He says, standing up, "but you needed the sleep, we both know that." He's not wrong. I'm a single mom with a nineteen month old who isn't a great sleeper, I was barely sleeping as it is. But especially last night, I did fall asleep pretty quickly, but we didn't get to bed until at least one in the morning.

"And who says that you didn't? I ask.

"I just said that you needed the sleep," He comments back. "I'd better get going," I feel another pang of disappointment in my chest, but I know that it doesn't make sense for him to stay. He's still in clothes from the gala last night, he needs to go home.

"Okay," I say, my hand lingering on his shoulder. "Or you could stay," I say, going against all my better judgement. "I was going to take her to a park and then uh hire a lawyer, I could use some help."

"You're going to hire a lawyer already? What if he's bluffing? Besides, it's Saturday,"

"He's not. I know that and I want to get ahead of this instead of trying to catch him. This is the only way that I know how to do that. As for it being Saturday, I'm Hank Voight's daughter, if I want to get a hold of someone, it's not that hard," He looks at me for a minute, his tongue flicked up on his upper lip as he thinks. "If you need to go home, I totally get that."

"No, I'll stay. I keep a change of clothes in my car, Voight tends to call us in at all times of the day and night, so I'm prepared. Give me a minute to run down to my car,"

"I'm going to jump in the shower, you know try to wash some of last night off," I say, "I'll put Emma in her crib for a couple minutes,"

"No, I'll take her," He offers.

"You sure?" I ask, Emma still fingering through my curls.

"Yeah I'm just running down my car, it'll be a fun little adventure for her right?" He tells me as he pulls Emma from my arms.

"Alright," I concede. "I'll be quick and you can grab a shower when I'm done okay?"

"Sounds good Er,"

* * *

 **Jay POV**

"So who's Voight calling?" I ask as the two of us sit on a park bench, watching Emma run through the tunnels and down slides, Erin sitting on my right and Emma's currently empty stroller resting on my left.

"Spencer Eastham, she's good, really damn good," She tells me, brushing a soft curl out of her face. "Voight gave her a call this morning, she's meeting me at the district Monday morning at 9 AM."

"You know there's still a chance that he won't do it," I tell her, subtly placing a hand on her knee.

"Jay," She says, flinching slightly at my touch.

"No I'm serious, you gotta stay positive Er," I assure her.

"Jay I can't. I can't just hope for the best case scenario anymore. I know what's going to happen, I have zero doubts in my mind about that. So I'm preparing for battle, gathering my armor you know?" She explains to me.

"Alright," I concede. "Just let me help you okay? Don't shut me out,"

"I'll try," She promises with a weak smile.

"Hey," I say after a long and slightly awkward silence.

"What?" She says, showing me that smile that I love so much.

"Go out with me," I say, taking the leap that Kara convinced me to take. The leap that I wanted to take last night that was interrupted by Kelly. That leap.

"Jay…" She says as she glances around, searching for an answer. I know she's going to tell me no, it's her instinct. But I have to at least try.

"No I'm serious, we don't know where things are going and we don't what's going to happen, so let's live in the now. Go out with me,"

"Jay I can't, not right now. It's not you, I know that everyone says that and it's so damn cliche but it's not you. I'm a mess right now and I need to clean up my mess before I can bring anyone else into my life," She tells me, longing in her eyes.

"I can deal with all of it," I assure her.

"I know you could and that's one of the reasons that you are so, so great. I won't push you away and I care about you, so I'm asking you to stay. I'm saying no, just wait for me. Someday," She asks, taking my hand in hers.

"Someday," I whisper, repeating her words, holding her hand solemnly in mine.

"C'mon, let's go play with my girl. We will have plenty of time to talk,"

"Okay," I respond releasing her hand before we get up to find Emma on the playground. Someday. I just have to hold onto someday.

* * *

 **Erin POV**

I look up from my paperwork when I hear heels clicking along the linoleum floors of the bullpen. There's a woman here, clad in a navy blue pantsuit with her blonde hair falling loose past her shoulders, a briefcase held at her side. That has to be my lawyer.

"Spencer Eastham?" I ask, getting up to meet her. I can feel the entire unit's eyes tracing me, especially Jay's. He's the only one that knows whats happening, but it's unusual for one of us to be meeting with a lawyer at the district, especially because were not working a case right now.

"That would be me, are you Erin Lindsay?"

"Yes," I say, reaching down to my bag to grab the envelope that Kelly's guy gave me.

"Is there somewhere we can talk?"

"My office," Hank interrupts. "Let's go," I nod, leading Spencer back to his office.

"Do you wan-" Jay starts as I pass by his desk.

"No, I got this. I'll catch you up later okay?" I promise him. I don't know where we stand right now, but I can't worry about that right now.

"Okay," He says, giving me one last glance before letting me go. The three of us settle fairly quickly in his office, Spencer and I sitting in the two chairs across from him, the same firm look as always painted on Hank's face.

"Alright," She says, pulling a file folder out of her briefcase, "let's get started, have you been contacted by her father since Hank called me on Saturday?"

"Not him directly, but I did get served by his lawyers," I admit, biting my lip slightly. He did it early this morning. I was running late trying to get myself together, my makeup was half done and my hair was still in a bun on top of my head with Emma screaming in the background as I was served by a man in a very loud plaid shirt.

I was able to hold myself together in front of Emma, she's not even two yet but she can always pick up on when I'm upset. Always.

But after I dropped her off at daycare, I did sit in the parking lot and cry for a solid fifteen minutes. Not that I'd ever admit that to anyone. I was almost positive that he was going to do it, but there was that little sliver of hope, placed there by Jay that maybe, it wouldn't happen. Getting those papers made it real.

But I was right, he wasn't bluffing.

"When?" Hank demands. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It just happened this morning, I was going to tell you but I figured we could just go over it now," I tell him honestly, "I haven't even had the chance to really look at them,"

"Let me see them," Spencer asks. I hand over the papers and she scans through them like a machine, her eyes taking in every word as she processes them even faster.

"What does he want exactly?" I ask, my heart racing in my chest.

"Kelly Benjamin Severide is suing for you temporary sole physical custody of your daughter Emma Shay Severide." She explains.

"Wait temporary what does that mean?" I ask her.

"Technically, any choice made court is only valid until you are legally divorced," She tells me.

"So, no matter what happens, it can all change in a year?" Hank asks in an attempt to clarify and confirm.

"That would be correct yes," She says, "But if you want to keep your daughter for the next year, you need to tell me anything and everything that King could dig up," She tells me.

"King?" Hank asks.

"The lawyer that your ex husband hired, his name is Connor King, he's good and he plays dirty, so I need you to be completely honest with me. I don't care what you have done I just need to know about it so I can spin that makes you look better to the judge. I don't lose and I really don't plan on starting now. I need the story of your life, the good, the bad, the ugly. I need everything," She tells me, the kindness in her eyes gone as she launches straight into another realm.

"Okay, let's begin." I say, taking a deep breath as I look to Hank for approval. He gives me a slow nod, "So my mom was a junkie and as a teenager I was into everything you could be into,"

"Be specific," She says, pulling out a legal pad and clicking a pen open.

"I was picked up a lot, dealing and possession, once for solicitation when I fifteen," I admit, twisting my fingers around each other.

"Were you convicted on any of these charges?" She asks, not looking up from the pad of yellow paper.

"One of them, a misdemeanor and I served community service, but they were all expunged from my record when I became a confidential informant for the Chicago Police Department," I tell her.

"But you're clean now?" She asks.

"I have not touched drugs since I was seventeen years old," I respond, my hands starting to shake slightly.

"That I can spin, you were brought up in a rough environment and you got down pretty but you came back, that makes you strong, that makes a better mom to Emma," She explains to me, her legs crossed over one another, the points on the toes of her red pumps sharp.

"You think that will work?" I ask.

"I know it will," She confirms, "But that's not our biggest issue,"

"What is?" I ask, confused again as my heart rate spikes.

"Kelly is accusing you of parental kidnapping," She says calmly.

"What?" Hank and I both exclaim at the same time.

"He's saying that you took Emma from him," She explains, her facial expression not changing.

"He knew where I was, I told him exactly where I was going. He didn't try to stop me," I tell her, trying to defend myself.

"Okay did you tell him exactly where you were going?" She asks.

"I told him I was going to Chicago, I didn't tell him where I was staying but he figured that out pretty quickly, he hired a PI to follow me," I say with an exasperated sigh.

"Don't worry about it, I'll explain everything later," I say to Hank, trying to rid the look of rage upon his face.

"But you didn't tell him where you were staying, correct?" She asks again.

"No I did not," I admit.

"See that's where we have a problem," She says with a sigh, "It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, all a judge is going to see is that you disappeared with his daughter."

"And what does that mean?" I ask, trying to remain calm though knowing exactly what she's about to tell me.

"Do you want me to be honest with you?" She asks, folding her pad of paper back over and leaning forward, balancing her elbow on her knee.

"Yes," I say with a nod.

"It means your chances of winning this case, well they're pretty damn low,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!**

 **Please review!**

 **-Addie**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you to everyone who has continued to read and review this story, I appreciate each and every one of you.**

 **This chapter is a little bit on the shorter side, but I wanted to get something up for you guys because as you know I don't get very much to write during the week. Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter and I'm going to hope to have something else up by the end of the week.**

 **As always, I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors that I may have missed. Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin POV**

" _And what does that mean?"_

" _It means your chances of winning this case, well they're pretty damn low,"_

"What the hell!" Hank almost yells. "I told her to hire you because you were good, if you can't win this case, I have no problem firing your ass,"

"Hank," I interrupt. I'm upset, probably more than he is. But I know that yelling at my newly hired lawyer is not going to help that, the last thing I need is Hank hulking out on Spencer. I trust that she knows what she's doing, even if I don't trust her as a person yet.

"On paper." She says forcefully. "On paper, your odds, well they suck. But you hired me and like I said, I do not lose. But I'm going to need somethings from you," I'm impressed with her already. There are few people who would dare to stand up to an angered Henry Voight. Even I've only done it a few times.

"Name it, anything. Whatever you need I can get done," I tell her.

"Character witnesses, I need people who can convince a judge that you are the better parent. I need people who know you, but I also need people who have seen the two of you together, people from New York, that's what I mean,"

"I'll make some calls, how many do you want?" I ask her.

"As many as you can get me, let's say five minimum," She tells me.

"I can get you ten, easy," I tell her, mentally making a list of people that I know would vouch for me.

I know that my entire unit would be willing to talk. That's an easy six. Plus Gabby and Matt, probably Platt and she wants people that have seen me and Kelly with Emma. That's Olivia. And she makes ten. Plus I know that I could get people from New York to make the trip over, namely Olivia and possibly her nanny Lucy and our occasional babysitter Jenna.

But I know that the most important testimony is going to come from Jay. Aside from Hank, he's the one who's seen me the most with Emma. More than that, he was there when Kelly showed up.

"That's good, that's really good Erin," She says with a smile. "So now I need to know what you want. Do you want split custody? Sole custody with visitation? I can push for anything, you just have to let me know what you want,"

"I want sole custody. If he's willing to stay in Chicago, visitation can be negotiated. But I will not let him take my daughter back to New York with him, that's non-negotiable." I tell her. That's my one requirement. She has to be in Chicago.

"Alright, if he's willing to stay in Chicago, what are we looking at?" She asks, her pen at the ready to scribble down my answer.

"I don't know, I have to talk to him first, see what he's willing to do and we can go from there." I tell her. I'm hoping that what he said that night was just anger and the suit listed in the papers is reminiscent of that, but I'm thinking that he won't budge. He wants her badly.

"Okay I'm going to have to recommend against that," She tells me, clicking her pen shut once again.

"What?" I question.

"You cannot talk to him directly right now, if you need to communicate with Kelly, call me and I will call his lawyer." She tells me firmly.

"You have got to be kidding me," I respond with a scoff.

"No I'm not. I am telling you right now as your lawyer that anything and everything that you say to him, he will try to use against you,"

"Okay fine," I concede, "I won't talk to him,"

"Good, now we're going to try to settle this out of court," She says, shuffling her folders yet again as she peers down at another form.

"Wait you told me to get character witnesses," I ask, confused at her contradicting statements.

"I did. That's because cases like these don't usually get solved through mediation and I want you to be prepared," She tells me, a firmness in her voice.

"Okay that's fair," I concede again. I don't know if I'm going to like Spencer and I know that under any other circumstances, we would not be friends. But she's damn good at her job.

"Alright, call my office and make an appointment with me for sometime this week. I'll need you come down to my office so we can discuss what we're going to ask for and then I'll give Connor King a call okay?"

"That's it?" I ask.

"For now, I'll call you if I have any news," She tells me, gathering up all of her things and letting herself out of the office, handing me a business card.

"Thank you," I add as she leaves.

"Call me if anything happens," Spencer tells me.

"I will," I promise.

"And Erin, don't worry. We got this okay," She assures me.

"Thank you," I say again. As the door closes, I turn around to look at Hank and he has that look in his eye.

"We have to start digging, find whatever we can on Kelly and bring it to Spencer, we're going to win this Erin,"

"No." I tell him.

"What?"

"We're not doing that. I think that we can win this case, I know that Spencer said our odds are very bad I know that, trust me I am painfully aware. But we are doing this by the book.I will get everyone I know to vouch for me and tell them that I'm a good mom, that when I brought her to Chicago it was in her best interest."

"You did," He says.

"I know, but they don't know that. But I'm not willing to go off book and have them win this case on a technicality. I'm not letting that happen," I tell him. I'm not mad at him, but I know how he is. He's always been this way and last year when they worked Justin's case, Jay told me how he got. I'll be damned if that happens this time.

"Okay," He tells me.

"Promise me that you won't do anything stupid," I tell him, a slight threat in my voice. I trust him with my life, I have since the day he took me in when I was fifteen years old. But that's exactly what scares me. He'll do whatever he has to do to protect his family and I don't want to even know the lengths that he would go to to keep Emma with me.

"I promise," He responds.

"Hank I'm serious," I say, reiterating my point from before.

"I won't do anything, but I think that you and I both know that it's Halstead you need to worry about," He tells me, a glint in his eye.

"What?" I say, my heart rate quickening in my chest, maybe Hank found out. Not that there is anything to find out. He asked me out. I said no. That was the end of it. But still, Hank will not be happy about it if he found out.

"He's taken quite a liking to that little girl, he's going to fight hard for you," He tells me. Well that's a cryptic response. I still don't have any idea if he knows, but he doesn't seem to be mad. Though even if he was, I don't think he would mention it, not right now at least.

"I know, I'll let him know okay?"I promise, slowly getting up from my seat.

"Alright, get out of here kid. We'll talk later," He tells me.

"Okay, thanks for calling her Hank." I say, my hand resting on the cool doorknob.

"Anything for you and Em, you know that," He assures me. I know, that's what worries me.

"Still," He tells me.

"I know, it's okay," He says.

"I'm going to talk to the unit, see who's willing to get on the stand for me," I tell him, the door open in front of me.

"You know they'll all say yes," He offers.

"I know but I just want to clear the air, make sure they all know the facts," He nods as I close the door behind me.

"Yo Linds what the hell was that?" Ruzek asks as I step out into the bullpen. I can feel Jay's eyes on me.

"Alright truth time," I say leaning my weight on Jay's desk. "You all know that I have a daughter named Emma and I also have a soon to be ex-husband named Kelly Severide,"

"Hold up Severide like CFD Captain Benny Severide?" Atwater asks.

"That would be one," I say reluctantly. "Anyway, I am currently in the middle of a custody battle with him. That was my lawyer Spencer Eastham and I really didn't want to have to do this to you guys, but I have to ask you to testify for me, character witnesses,"I'm met with blank stares. "If you don't want to do it, I totally understand but just know that you would really, really be helping me out."

"Stop," Kim says putting up a hand. "Of course we'll do it, right guys?" She says, looking around with a slight glare to all the guys.

"We have your back Erin," Olinsky adds in, "just let us know what you need,"

"Thank you," I say gratefully. Jay looks up at me and I nod towards the break room. He'll get extra details. He complies quickly, pushing out his chair and leading me into the break room, both of us ignoring the looks from the entire unit and even though I can't see him, I know that Hank is watching us.

"How's it looking?" He asks once the door shuts behind us.

"Not good," I answer him honestly, "Kelly's accusing me of parental kidnapping and he's trying to get full custody,"

"That's insane," He says, the anger rising in his voice and a fury raging in his eyes.

"I know," I say, rolling my lips together, "but it is what it is and I have to deal with it,"

"You're not alone in this," He says, reaching over to grab my hand, rubbing his hand up and down the side of my hand.

"I know," I hear a knock on the door as Ruzek pops his head in. I drop Jay's hand I hope that he didn't catch us, hopefully I was fast enough.

"We gotta roll," He says quickly, "I pinged the address over to your phones,"

"Alright we're on it," I say, still slightly shaken as I feel the blush covering my cheeks.

"We'll finish this in the car," He tells me quietly after Adam's gone,

"I'm still driving," I say, giving them a casual punch on the shoulder as I pass by him, sending a quick glance towards him.

"I would expect nothing less,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know your thoughts and as always, if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask in a review or drop me a PM. Thanks for reading!**

 **Please review,**

 **Addie**


	12. Chapter 12

**I am so, so sorry that it's taken me so long to update this story. I checked the dates yesterday and I cannot believe it's been a month since I've put up a new chapter! Anyway, I hope this chapter satisfies and maybe just fills a little bit of that Linstead void in all of your hearts with some fluff.**

 **Also, I know I mentioned this on The Ever of After, but I did post update for both Break Me Like a Promise and The Thoughts and Prayers of Yesterday, but notifications for both of them did not go out, so if you haven't read those yet, they are up.**

 **As always, I apologize for any grammar or spelling errors that I may have missed, I did edit this fairly quickly.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Jay**

"Why are we doing this again?" She asks with a slight groan as we walk up to the front door of my sister Kara's house, Emma happily balances on my hip and Erin holding a bottle of red in one hand and a diaper bag hanging off the opposite shoulder.

"Because Kelly is putting you through hell right now and you need a night off," I tell her as I ring the doorbell. He really was. They'd tried to settle the case out of court more than a few times through mediation with their lawyers, but he was just not having it. He wasn't going to settle for anything less than full custody and a court date was set, a day that was quickly approaching and happens to fall on this Monday. She's been panicking and driving herself crazy, with good reason of course, but I just want her to be able to relax. In hindsight, bringing her to a full Halstead family dinner may not have been the best way to do that, but it'll be fun and at least it'll take her mind off of everything. I can't do much for her right now, but this is something that I can do.

"Alright," She says, shifting her weight as the brigade of rushing footsteps approaches the front door. I still haven't told her what I wanted to that night that Kelly showed up at her apartment, it just didn't seem right. Maybe after the case if over, but for now we're friends and I'll just have to marvel about how absolutely gorgeous she looks tonight in my head. It's not anything crazy, just a pair of dark jeans and red flats, a white t-shirt and a long gold necklace swinging from her neck, her makeup simple. But she's absolutely beautiful.

"Erin!" I hear as the door swings open, Maeve standing there with a huge smile on her face.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" I tease, as Emma squirms.

"Hey Uncle JJ," She says with a grin, "C'mon in guys,"

"Thanks for having us over Maeve," Erin says with a polite smile.

"Trust me, my entire family has been waiting to meet you," She says with a smirk. It's moments like these that make me want to slap her. But they also remind me of her mom, a lot. But then Erin raises her eyebrow at me and I want to slap her again.

"Let's go meet everyone,"

"I'll take Emma," Maeve offers, "We'll go play with Ains and Mare, if that's okay with you of course," She finishes unsure, looking up at Erin for approval.

"That's fine," Erin tells her as I hand off the baby to her, "She loves you by the way,"

"Yeah I kind of like her too," Maeve responds with a half smile before whisking her down to the basement with the rest of the little kids.

"You ready?" I ask her as we continue to linger in the main hallway. I'm surprised no one else has ambushed us yet, but I'm not complaining.

"I don't know, am I?" She asks nervously. "It's your entire family right?"

"They're going to love you, don't worry," I tell her as I lay a protective hand on her shoulder. I almost flinch as I do it, we're just friends. But it'll be weirder if I pull back now.

"Okay then," She says with a smile as we walk towards the kitchen where I know they'll all be congregating. I know they're going to overwhelm her, I told them to go easy but this family isn't great at that. Just sheer numbers alone would be enough to send her running for the hills.

"Hello!" I announce as we walk through the arch, letting us into the kitchen. We're met with a chorus of greetings as my brother Cole gives me a bear hug and slaps me on the back, Erin standing slightly awkwardly behind me, all the adults gathered around the kitchen island chatting.

"And this must be Erin," Kara says, her smile warm and her red hair pulled up into a ponytail. "I'm Kara, Jay's older sister,"

"Yes indeed," I say as I step back to her position.

"Hi," She says nervously, "What should I do with this?" She asks, holding up the bottle of wine.

"I'll take it," Nat chimes in as she walks towards us, "she brings wine, I like her already Jay,"

"Thanks Nat," I say as she gives me a slap on the shoulder. "Okay introductions," I quickly add in, realizing that while Erin knows all of their names, she has no clue who is who. "You met Kara already, that's Will," I say pointing to my ginger brother, "his wife Nat is the one who took the wine,"

"Guilty as charged!" She calls over from the fridge.

"They have the twins right?" Erin asks. I know that she's talking to met, but this group I know that I won't get a chance to respond before someone else opens their mouth.

"Bingo!" Cole chimes in.

"That would be Cole and his wife Beth isn't here right now," I say, my voice wandering off at the end as I search for an answer from one of them.

"She's upstairs, feeding the baby," Kara chimes in.

"Well then you'll meet her in a bit," I assure her. "Are all the kids upstairs?"

"Yeah, but you know they'll be down as soon as dinner is ready," Will says from his place in front of the stove.

"I'm excited to meet everyone," Erin says, though I can sense the slight anxiety in her voice.

"Not as excited as they are to meet you," Natalie assures her.

* * *

 **Erin**

I'm not really sure why Jay brought me here, but I am grateful for the distraction. We haven't even got to court yet and I already just want all of it to be over. His family is nice, a little loud and overbearing but I shouldn't have expected anything else. But it's nice. I never had the crazy big family. My family was just crazy. These moments were the things that I always craved as a kid and never got, but I'm glad that even if for a fleeting moment I can provide these memories for my child.

"So what brings you back to Chicago?" Beth asks as we all sit around the table. We finished dinner a while ago and now we're just sitting around the table talking, the majority of the kids long gone, though Will and Natalie's daughter Ainsley took a quick liking to me and proceeded to climb onto my lap as soon as dinner was through, not that I minded, she's adorable. Usually that spot is occupied by Emma, but both Brenna and Maeve adore her so I've let them have their fun with her today. She doesn't seem to mind and she squealed when they were playing with her, so I think we're okay.

Jay gives her a look, letting her know that it's a sensitive subject, to which she responds to with total confusion. But I don't mind talking about it, it's a part of my story.

"Failed marriage," I tell shamelessly. "I needed a fresh start and Chicago's home, there wasn't anywhere else that I would have gone,"

"It wasn't failed," Jay says carefully, placing a hand on my knee under the table.

"No it was, but it needed to end. I'm okay, really," I assure all of them.

"Well we're glad to have you," Cole assures me. "Always happy to add an extra chair at the table,"

"I'll always be happy to fill it," I say with a smile as Ainsley bounces on my lap.

"Are you sure you okay with her? I can take her," Natalie asks me for what feels like the millionth time.

"Nat seriously it's okay, I got her," I say as I wrap my arms around her, holding her close.

"You'll let me know if you need a break?" She asks from across the table.

"Of course, I promise," I assure her.

"Okay," She finally concedes, though I know she'll ask again soon. She's a worrier, not in a helicopter mom kind of way, but she always want everyone to be happy. I admire that about her.

"Erin!" Shea shouts as she runs into the room. I've been getting pulled in a hundred different directions tonight, I'm basically the fun new toy that they haven't seen yet. I don't mind though, the kids are great and they're fun to talk to. "Can I show you something?"

"Baby we're having some adult time right now," Kara tells her youngest daughter as she runs up to her mom, running a hand over her light brown hair.

"But I want to show her my elephants!" She exclaims as she bounces up and down next to her mom.

"Did you say elephants?" I say with a certain excitement in my voice, mostly for her sake, "I love elephants,"

"Really?" She asks, her big green eyes widening.

"Oh yeah, when I was little I had this stuffed elephant named Joel and I carried him everywhere," I tell her as she cautiously approaches me.

"You sure you don't mind?" Kara double checks.

"Guys I'm fine okay?" I tell them as I hand off a giggling Ainsley to Jay sitting beside me, "Let's go see those elephants Shea," She grabs my hand with a smile before dragging me off towards the staircase.

"Erin?" She asks as we ascend up the stairs. "Are you going to marry Uncle Jay?" Though I know kids can say weird things sometimes, I'm still quite taken aback by her questions. Where the hell did that come from?

"No sweetheart, he's my partner, he's my friend. Why would you think we're getting married?" I ask her, my face I'm sure twisted with confusion.

"Cause Maevy told me that Mama said he thinks you're pretty and he brought you to dinner with him. He never brings anyone to dinner with him," She tells me, not thinking anything of it. Huh. He thinks I'm pretty? That's not the point. "Plus Maeve told me that he has a thing for you, I don't know what that means but I think it means he likes you. I like a boy too, his name is Blake."

"Does he know that?" I ask her, trying to continue the conversation while I process the information that she's just handed down to me. It's not like I never thought about it, but I didn't think he felt the same way. Besides my life was insane, it is insane, it didn't feel right to pull him into that. And if he did like me like that, why didn't he say anything?

"No, cause this other girl named Bethany she told me that she likes him too and she has her ears pierced and she has longer hair than me,"

"So?"

"Earrings are pretty and I don't have them and my hair's short,"

"Well I think you are the prettiest eight year old I've ever seen," I assure her as cross the threshold into her room.

"Thanks Erin," She says as she looks up at me, "and by the way, I wouldn't mind if you married my uncle,"

* * *

 **Jay**

"So did you tell her?" Kara grills as soon as Erin's out of earshot.

"Tell her what?" Cole asks, not even a second later. I swear it's like twin telepathy or something.

"Kara…" I warn, hoping that she'll be able to keep her mouth shut.

"He likes her,"

"I knew it!" Nat exclaims with a giant grin on her face, "Cole you owe me twenty bucks," My groans as he pulls out his wallet, slapping a twenty in our sister-in-law's hand.

"Jesus Kara was that really necessary?" I exclaim, Ainsley still resting in my arms. "And really? You guys bet on it?"

"Hey you and Cole bet on the genders of the twins if you're remembering correctly," She reminds me as she pulls her baby girl from my arms,

"Different," I claim.

"Answer the question little brother," Beth says in a singsong voice.

"It's none of your business," I say, getting slightly annoyed.

"You know we don't keep secrets in this family," Will reminds me, like he does every single time that he wants to know something.

"Fine," I concede, "I didn't tell her,"

"Why not?" Kara asks.

"I was going to tell her the night of the gala, I went back to her apartment,"

"You went back to her apartment?" Nat interrupts.

"Yes but that's not important. Point is, I went back there and I was going to tell her, but her ex-husband showed up and now she's in the middle of a divorce and a nasty custody battle, so right now, I'm just going to be her friend okay? When this is all over we can revisit? Does that satisfy all of you crazy people?" I tell them, leaving out the part about Voight's rule and her basically being our boss's daughter. That can be discussed another day.

"I guess so," Beth decides for the group. "But for the record, I really like her and she's got a damn cute kid,"

"Me too," Kara says with a grin, "but you already knew that,"

"Well I appreciate the input guys, thank you for not scaring the crap out of her at dinner,"

"No problem little brother," Cole says with a slap on back.

"Hey," I hear from the other side of the kitchen. I look up to see Erin and I sincerely hope that she heard exactly none of that. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Yeah of course," I say, quickly getting up as Kara raises her eyebrow at me. "What's up?" I ask as she pulls me into the hallway.

"So I heard something kind of interesting from Shea," She comments as she bite down slightly on her lip.

"Oh?" I inquire.

"She told me that apparently you have a thing for me," She tells me. I can feel my heart rate skyrocket as the words come out of our mouth.

"She did?" I say, trying to keep a calm exterior even though I'm freaking out on the inside.

"She did," She confirms with a half smile, "and the thing is, I might have a little bit of a thing for you too,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I already have some of the next chapter written so I am hoping to have it posted soon. Thanks for reading!**

 **Please review,**

 **Addie**


	13. Chapter 13

**This chapter is a little on the shorter side, but I wanted to get something up and I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Jay**

" _And the thing is, I might kind of have a thing for you too,"_

"What?"

"I like you Jay, a lot. I have for a while," She admits to me, her hands twisting around each other, the tan line from her wedding ring still slightly visible to me.

"Erin why didn't you say anything?" I ask, running my hand through my hair as everything hits me all at once.

"Because I didn't know how you felt, I didn't want things to be awkward between us at work," She tells me.

"It's not because of everything else?" I ask.

"Jay, my life is crazy right now. Kelly is making my life crazy, but I can't and I won't put my life on hold for him, that's not fair to me and it's not fair to you," She tells me. I can't even tell you how happy I am in this moment. But I almost feel selfish about it, like I shouldn't be with everything horrible and wrong going on in her life.

"What about Voight?" I ask, making sure that I'm covering all of my bases.

"Screw him," She says, shocking me just a little bit, "he's the closest thing I've had to a dad and he saved my life, there's no doubt about that. But i'm a big girl, I can make my own choices and he doesn't get to dictate them, that's that."

"Erin are you sure?"

"I'm sure, my life is insane and I don't get to be sure about a lot of things. But I'm sure about you. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. But I know that I want to try, because you're real. I haven't seen real for a long time now."

"Okay," I tell her.

"Okay?" She says, the uncertainty in her voice clear.

"Let's try,"

* * *

 **Erin**

It's here. The day I've been dreading, putting off in my mind and pushing it back. But I can't avoid it anymore. It's here. It's the first day of the trial.

This morning as I dressed Emma in a little blue dress and brushed her hair up into those little pigtails that have turned into a trend in our house, I had tears in my eyes. But I didn't want her to know that anything was wrong, so I wiped my eyes and smiled through the pain.

I knew that after today, everything could change, and I'm not ready for that. I just wanted to hold her, keep her close, keep her safe. But I can't. That's the one thing I cannot do. Now it's in the hands of the court.

But I can't fall apart, not today. So I did my best. On my lawyers advice, I wore a soft blue dress and no blazer, my makeup soft and my hair down in soft waves, heavy makeup concealing the prominent dark circles under my eyes. I would rather have worn pants, or even a skirt suit, but she told me that wearing a dress would make me appear softer, more maternal to the judge. Soft colors, that was another thing. Nude shoes instead of black, a lighter handbag as opposed to my usual dark brown bag, pearl earrings and closed toe shoes, there is a strategy to all of this.

I take a deep breath as I step out of my car, my heels clicking on the pavement. Almost everyone I know offered to drive me here today, but I declined all of their offers. I needed a moment to myself before the insanity starts.

"Erin," I hear in front of me. I look up to see Olivia standing in front of me, arms open and ready to take me in.

"Thank you so much for coming," I say softly as she embraces me, her familiar scent comforting in this still fairly new place. I haven't seen her in so long and it's good to hear her voice. She's always been there for me and I couldn't be more grateful for it. When I was 23 and left Chicago, I was leaving everything I'd ever known, but she was quick to take me under her wing.

"It's not a problem Erin, we're your family and we've got your back, always," She assures me as she releases me.

"Still, thank you for making the trip out and for everything else,"

"Don't mention, you've got a long day ahead of you," She tells me, placing a hand on my back as she leads me towards the front doors of Cook County Family Courthouse. I take a deep breath before walking through the front door, knowing that it won't be long before I have to face Kelly and his family again.

"I'm going to go give Lucy a call and check on Noah, but I'll see you in there okay?" She assures me.

"Okay," I say nervously as she walks off. I stand there nervously, trying to figure out where to go when I see Jay lingering across the hall. Since our admission I guess, the other day, things haven't really changed. Of course it has only been a day and all of yesterday was spent prepping for the trial. I wanted to be doing literally anything else, but this is what I needed to be doing.

"Jay," I say, taking another deep breath as I rush across the hall to him.

"Erin," He says as he wraps his strong arms around me. "How are you doing?"

"I'm just tired of people asking me that, it's going to be okay. We're all going to be okay," I say, trying to convince myself probably more than him. From what I can tell, I'm holding it together on the outside pretty well, but on the inside I am panicking and just doing everything I can to keep myself from crying. You could probably knock me over with a tap on the shoulder.

"Of course," He says, squeezing my hand. "As soon as this is all over, she'll be yours and you won't have to worry about Kelly ever again,"

"I'm just worried about facing him, you were there the last time I saw him and you know it didn't go well,"

"Well I can't promise you anything, but if you get nervous, just look back. I'll give you a thumbs up or something."

"I appreciate it," I say with a light chuckle.

"Anytime Lindsay," He tells me, that look in his eyes that just makes my heart melt. Any other day, it totally would have, but today I have to be laser focused. I have one objective; to keep my daughter safe and sound with me. I catch a glance at the clock behind him, we really should get up there. From what I know, all of my characters witnesses, all fourteen of them, ranging from Hank and Jay to the woman who lives across the hall from us, should be waiting in the courtroom.

"We should really get going," I tell him before turning to make my way towards the stairwell, bringing us from the first floor lobby to the range of third floor courtroom, one of which the rest of my life will be determined in. He hold my hand up until the door, before giving me one last glance outside the door.

"Wait," I exclaim just as he turns away from me.

"What do you need?" He asks, coming back towards me and taking both of my hands in his, holding them tight as he faces me head on.

"I need you to tell me that everything is going to be okay,"

"Erin," He says, his voice uneasy.

"Just say it, please." I beg him. He takes a deep breath before answering me.

"Erin, I don't know what's going to happen in there, but I can promise you that it's going to work out in the end and I have your back okay? It is all going to be okay," He says, leaning forward and placing a comforting kiss on my forehead. I can feel like place where his lips left tingle as he pulls away from me. "Now I'm going to walk away and you're going to pull yourself together and walk into that courtroom like the strong woman you are and you are going to convince that judge you the best place for Emma is right here with you,"

"Okay," I answer blindly.

"Alright," He says, my hands slipping out of his as he turns around and walks away, slipping through the heavy wooden doors. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I can do this. I have to do this. There isn't another option.

So I take the first step, walking in alone and brave into that courtroom. Pretty quickly, I can sense everyone's eyes on me, specifically Kelly's eyes. Those blue eyes, the eyes that I stared into for all those years and the eyes that our daughter inherited. But they aren't looking at me the way they did for all those years in New York, they aren't warm, they're cold and filled with anger, stoic.

But after I shake Kelly's glance, I see everyone else's, standing behind Spencer's bench. I almost tear up, they all came here, took time out of their lives and their days to do this for me and my daughter.

"Erin," Spencer says, coming up to me in the aisle between the two columns of dark wooden benches.

"Hi," I say numbly. "Are we ready?"

"Yes, everyone is prepped and ready to testify, it's going to go great," She assures me, placing a hand on my shoulder and pulling me to our seats for the day.

"Okay," I say softly, swallowing nothing as I continue to try to keep myself together.

"You can do this," She tells me as I pull out the rolling chair that I'll be sitting in for the next several hours, Spencer somehow telling me exactly what I need to hear. Even though I know that she's here for me and so is everyone else, but in this moment, I don't think I could feel more alone.

"Please rise for the honorable Judge Nathan Jennings," The bailiff tells all of us, the noise of shoes clicking and chairs sliding as the entire room raises for the entrance of the judge. An older man with nearly all gray hair enters from the side of the courtroom, swiftly taking his seat behind the bench. "You may be seated," The bailiff continues, "case number 17-4-00674-8, deciding the matter of the custody of Emma Shay Severide, the plaintiff Kelly Benjamin Severide versus the defendant Erin Olivia Lindsay,"

"Thank you Keith," The judge thanks the bailiff. "Alright, I understand that these cases do get emotional, but I will expect a level of professionalism and civility from both of you at all times, are we clear?"

"Yes your honor," I answer quickly.

"Mr. Severide?" He questions after Kelly fails to address him.

"I will do my best sir," He tells Judge Jennings after a nudge from his lawyer.

"Okay then. Now that we have come to an understanding, Mr. Fulmer you may present your opening statement on behalf of the plaintiff. Let's begin."

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed that chapter, now we just have to hope for a good outcome with tonight's episode am I right?**

 **Also don't expect daily updates like today, I just happened to have a lot of time to write but I promise those will won't be regular.**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Please review!**

 **Addie**


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry it's been a little while since I've updated this story, but I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! It is a little bit on the shorter side, but I wanted to get something up for you guys because it's been almost two weeks since I've updated on here.**

 **I have not forgotten about TTAPOY, that one has just been a little bit harder to write for, but I've been slowly but surely writing another update and I'm hoping to have it up by the end of the week, hopefully sooner.**

 **This is getting long, so I'm going to wrap it up, but as always, I apologize for any grammar or spelling errors and I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

 **Erin**

Today was brutal. All of it, every single moment. I had to sit there and watch for hours, not able to say anything or do anything while Kelly's lawyer tried to convince the judge that I was an incompetent parent. I can't even believe that this was the guy that I married, this was the guy that I fell in love with. All I want to do is go home and curl up in my bed.

Court was adjourned maybe a half hour ago and I stood outside the courtroom for five minutes, insisting to everyone that came for me that I was okay and they should all just go home. Then I pulled myself to a bathroom stall and cried my eyes out. I couldn't go home like that. Emma may only be twenty months old, but she can always tell when something is wrong. So I pull myself together, wipe the tears from my eyes and wash off the mascara running down my eyes. Get yourself together Erin. I take a deep breath before walking out of the bathroom, only to see Jay standing there waiting for me.

"I told you to go home," I insist, knowing that I won't be able to hide the tears, the puffy redness of my eyes a dead giveaway.

"I wasn't going to go home until I knew you were okay," He responds.

"I told you that I was fine," I tell him.

"And I knew you weren't," He responds simply ass he lays a hand on my shoulder, "and now that I'm looking at you I know you're not okay,"

"Would you be?" I ask, finally letting down a few of my walls.

"No, I don't think anyone would. I'm going to take you home okay?" He tells me. It's worded like a question, but I know that it's not one.

"Jay I need my car," I insist, reluctant to accept his help.

"I'll pick you up again tomorrow morning, it's okay Erin." He assures me.

"You sure?" I ask tentatively. I hate asking people for help and I know that I'm awful at accepting it when it's given to me.

"I wouldn't be offering if I wasn't," He says, "Let me take you home,"

"Okay," I concede.

"Alright," He says before pressing a soft kiss to my forehead, "let's go,"

* * *

"Here we are," Jay says as we pull up in front of my apartment building.

"Thanks," I say. As I place my hand on the door handle, I hesitate. "Jay?"

"Yeah?" He responds, looking over at me with those big blue eyes.

"Can you come up with me?" I ask. "I just, I can't be alone right now,"

"Of course," He tells me as he covers my hand with his, "Let's go park," I quickly direct him to the parking spot designated for my apartment number, before rushing to get upstairs. All I want is to see my baby girl.

"Hey," I say as I push through my front door, a strange sense of relief flooding through me as I see my babysitter Izzy playing on the floor with Emma.

"Hi!" She responds, perhaps a little too excitedly. "How did it go today?"

"As good as could have been expected," I say as I pull off my heels, my feet instantly thanking me.

"Same time tomorrow?" She asks.

"Yes," I tell her, "Was she okay?"

"A little fussy in the morning, but after her first nap she's been a perfect angel all day long," She responds, Jay standing quietly behind me as I do my exchange with Iz.

"Okay, I'm glad she behaved for you," I say as I grab some cash from my wallet and hand it off to her. "Thank you again for coming,"

"It's not a problem," She says as she passes a happily squealing Emma off to me. "Okay I'll see you guys tomorrow, bye Emmy!"

"Bye!" Emma yells over my shoulder as Jay let's Isabel out.

"Alright," I say, throwing my walls back up for Emma's sake. I talked with Jay on the way up here and he knows that I don't want to discuss anything vaguely trial related in front of her. I also don't talk bad about Kelly in front of her. He may be screwing me over right now, but he's still her dad and she shouldn't form an opinion on him down the line based on what I've said. "Dinner?"

"Let's do it," Jay responds. I know that he's a better cook than me and he's taken over my kitchen more than a few times and I don't doubt that tonight will be any different.

"Alright little miss," I say as I hoist her up too my hip, pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

"What are we cooking?" He asks, removing his jacket and rolling up the sleeves of his white button up, revealing his toned forearms.

"Whatever you can find, I haven't gone shopping in a little while," I tell him. "You know I'm not picky and she'll eat whatever as long as we cut it up small enough,"

"How's pasta?" He asks as he pulls a half empty box of penne.

"Yeah that'll work," I tell him. "Do you need any help?"

"Do you have basil by any chance?" He asks as he grabs a package of chicken from the fridge.

"You happen to be in luck, yes I do," I say as I come up beside him, pulling the pack from the side of the fridge. "What do I do with it?"

"Start cutting it up into ribbons, I'll tell you what to do when you're done,"

"Yes sir," I say jokingly, placing Emma back on the floor of the living room and letting her play for a little while longer. As the two of us cook together, Emma giggling in the background, it feels too domestic. Too normal. I hardly ever did this with Kelly, one of us was always working. But it's different with Jay, it's easy.

We finish cooking quickly and eat dinner at the island, Emma happily placed in Jay's lap and discussing anything other than the trial.

We're washing the dinner dishes as I hear my doorbell ring. Well I'm washing the dishes. I insisted after he basically cooked the whole meal, so he's just standing there playing with Emma and talking to me, but it works for me.

"Who could that be?" I wonder aloud as I wash the suds off my hands and dry them on the towel.

"I don't know, it's your house," He says back to me. I just know that there's a smirk on his face as those words leave his mouth.

"Very funny Halstead," I say as I swipe open the door. But as I take in the blonde woman standing in front of me, my heart stops in my chest. Oh God. Not today, I really did not need this today.

"Hey Erin," She says, "Why didn't you tell me you were coming back to Chicago?"

"How the hell did you find me Bunny?" I ask, deliberately not answering her question. The last time I saw my mother was over seven years, my call, not hers. When I left for New York, I changed my number and never looked back at the life I had before.

"Johnny say you walking into the building the other day," She tells me innocently. She has to want something, she always does. I know my mother better than anyone else does and she doesn't do anything without an agenda. I've tried to get her to change more times than I can count, but that's how she is. She doesn't want to be changed. Either that or she can't, I don't know and I don't care, I gave up on her a long time ago. "I guess I wanted to see if the rumors were true,"

"Yeah I'm back, now what the hell do you want?" I ask her.

"Can't a mom just come by sometimes too check in with her daughter?" She asks. God I could punch her in the nose.

"Not if that mom is you," I snap, probably a little louder than I should have.

"Erin?" Jay says. I kick myself internally as I hear his footsteps approaching. I didn't want him knowing this part of me, not yet anyway. Oh God, he has Emma. I never wanted her to know about my daughter, I knew that all she would be to Bunny is something that she would use against me.

"You had a baby?" Bunny questions as she the two of them come into view. "And what happened to the firefighter? I always knew you couldn't hold a man, how long is this one going to last?"

"Let's take a step back," Jay says, handing Emma off to me as he steps in front of me, his figure towering over both of us.

"And who the hell are you?"

"That doesn't matter, get out," He says as he goes to slam the door in her face.

"We aren't done here Erin," She yells as the door closes behind her.

"Who the hell was that?" Jay asks.

"That would be my mom, Bunny," I say reluctantly.

"Wait Hank was married before Camille?" He asks, confusion laced through the wrinkle on his forehead as he furrows his brow.

"God no." I say, bouncing Emma as I try to sooth her light whimpers. I completely forgot that I didn't tell Jay the entire, he thinks that I'm Hank's biological child. "Hank and Camille were my foster parents, that was my biological mom Benny Fletcher,"

"You never told me that you were adopted,"

"Technically I'm not," I explain, "I aged out of the system before they could legally adopt me, but in every other sense of the world, Hank and Camille are my parents. It's a really long story and I'll tell it to you someday, but I just want to ignore Bunny right now. I can't deal with, ever. But especially right now with everything going on, I can't do it," I tell him. The truth is, that every time I think of my mother, it just reminds me of how I could turn out. It scares the crap out of me, my greatest fear being me not being there for my daughter.

"Okay," He tells me as he lays a hand on my forearm. "We won't talk about it. Whenever you want to, just let me know. I got your back okay?"

"Thank you," I say gratefully. "Now I have to go give sunshine here a bath and get her down. You can head out if you want to,"

"I'm okay right here," He tells me. Thank God. I didn't really want him to leave, but I knew that Bunny's visit was going to leave us with a strange dynamic and I didn't want to force him to stay. But if he wants to, I don't have any intentions of pushing him out.

"Alright then," I say as I transfer Emma to my other side, "let's go,"

* * *

 **I know that this was a but of a filler chapter, but it was necessary to move into some other things in later chapters. Also, let me know if you guys would want to see more court scenes in the next couples chapter or just have a more abbreviated version and focus on the relationships.**

 **Please review!**

 **-Addie**


	15. Chapter 15

**I am so sorry, that's it's been so long since I've updated this story, I've been dealing with some serious writing block. Anyway, I don't think this is my best work, but I hope you guys enjoy!**

* * *

 **Erin**

Today's the day. All of the testimony has been read, all evidence has been introduced to the judge, and we've done everything we can. It's out of our hands, my fate now rests in the hands of an old man in a black robe. There is nothing I can do.

"You ready?" Jay asks as he hands me a travel mug full of coffee. Hank doesn't know yet, but Jay's been staying me throughout the trial. It's only been a couple of nights, but it's been good to have someone with me. I've been so close to falling apart and if I'm being honest, he's the only thing that has kept me together. Him and Emma of course.

"No," I answer him, "but I don't really have a choice do I?" Kim arrived to pick up Emma for the day maybe ten minutes ago, and I had a hard time letting her go. Today could be the last time I dress her, last night could have been the last time I put her to bed, the last time she wakes me up at three AM in a fit of tears. They could all be the lasts, everything. It all depends on what the judge decides today.

I know that I'll see her again, even if he wins. But it won't be the same.

"You don't," He responds."I have something for you though,"

"You do?" I say as I look up at him with a smile, something rare these days.

"I had this made after you first got the papers," He tells me as he pulls a thin gold chain out of his pocket, somehow miraculously not in a tangled mess. As I look closer at the charm, I quickly realize that it's a horizontal bar, a tiny lowercase E stamped into the right side. E for Emma.

"Oh Jay," I say as he drops it in my hands. "You didn't have to do this,"

"Nonsense, it was nothing," He assures me. "You've been put through the ringer lately and I just wanted you to remember that whatever happens, she's still your daughter and she's always going to be near your heart,"

"You're amazing, you've been amazing, through everything, all of this. I'm sorry that I sucked you into my shit storm. A shit storm with acid rain," I say as I toss my arms around his neck.

"Well you're the eye of the storm," He tells me as he presses a kiss to the top of my head. "And trust me, I wouldn't be anywhere else. You're my partner, this is what we do, we have each other's backs right,"

"Of course," I tell him, letting go of his neck before grabbing my bag off the table, "but we do have to go, I have to be at the courthouse in half an hour,"

"Separate or together?" He asks as I grab my keys off the hook by the door.

"Separate," I say after hesitating for a moment. I know that whatever the outcome of the trial, I'm going to want to be alone. Whether that be alone with my child or alone in my car sobbing, I don't know yet, but I'm hoping that it's the first option because I really don't like the second.

"Okay," He says, not even questioning me as he grabs his keys off the hook where mine resided just a couple seconds ago. "Let's go," He grabs my hand before leading me out my own front door to learn my fate.

* * *

"Please rise for the honorable Judge Nathan Jennings," The bailiff repeats for the fourth day in a row. I hear the familiar shuffling of shoes and chairs as he arrives behind the bench, those black robes flowing behind him. "You may be seated," The bailiff continues, "case number 17-4-00674-8, deciding the matter of the custody of Emma Shay Severide, the plaintiff Kelly Benjamin Severide versus the defendant Erin Olivia Lindsay,"

"Thank you Keith," Judge Jennings says, repeating his first words from every other day that we've been in here. Same walls, same words, different day, but the same process, over and over again. "I have reviewed all testimony, character letters, and statements very thoroughly and I have made my decision." I feel my heart start to beat faster and faster in my chest, waiting for those words to come out of his mouth. "Once you leave this courtroom, that decision can be worked out to your discretion through your lawyers, is that understood?"

"Yes sir," I say

"Absolutely," Kelly says from the other side of the room.

"Alright then," He says, "In the case of the custody of Emma Shay Severide," The room is so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. I know that everyone is on the edge of their seat, both on mine and Kelly's sides. But in this moment, it's just me, Kelly, and Judge Jennings. That's it. "I award sole legal and physical custody to Kelly Benjamin Severide,"

No. No. That can be right. I can't have heard him right, something went wrong. That can't be right.

But it is. I look over, Kelly's hugging his lawyer and his dad and my lawyer is looking up at me with sad eyes, sympathy eyes. No, no, no. But it's right, I'm wrong. She's gone.

* * *

"Hey sweet girl," Kelly says as I open the front door of my apartment to his knock. I almost didn't. I could run, be a fugitive of the law. I wouldn't be able to do anything, but I'd have her. I'd know she was safe because she would be with me.

"Uh she goes down at 8," I say as I hand over the diaper bag to him, trying to keep my hold on her for as long as possible, her tiny arms clinging to my shirt. "If she's crying, she likes the blue bunny, not the pink one but there both in there because sometimes if you're in a jam she'll take the pink one and it'll work,"

"Erin," He says, effectively stopping my rambling. I don't know why I'm talking so much, but I think it might be the only thing that's stopping me from bursting into a sobbing mess of tears. "I know what to do, she's my daughter,"

"Of course," I say, trying to mask the pure and unadulterated anger that I'm feeling towards him right now.

"Erin I'm sorry but I'm running late for something and I really need to go," He explains as he peers down at his watch.

"Alright," I say, trying to hold back my tears. "Emmy," I say, holding her out in front of me and looking straight into those blue eyes, the same blue eyes of the man I love. The ones I thought I would stare into for the rest of my life. "Mama loves you so, so much and I am going to see you very soon,"

"Jay?" She whimpers, only pulling harder and further at my heartstrings.

"No baby, no Jay," I tell her as I rub my hand up and down. "You're going to go with Daddy right now, but I love you okay?" I can't help it as I feel a tear slide down my cheek. "Mama loves you so much,"

"Erin," He urges.

"I know," I say as I begin to hand her over to him. I feel my heart start to break in my chest as she grasps onto my hair, tears starting to squeeze out of those blue eyes as she realizes what's happening.

"Mama!" She cries, "Mama no, Emmy stay,"

"Baby you have to go," I tell her as Kelly grabs onto her, pulling her closer and closer to him and farther and farther away from me. Eventually, Kelly has her in his arms and she's away from me. It's done. She's gone. And my heart breaks all over again.

* * *

I think today has been the first day without tears. It's been almost two weeks and everything reminds me of her, every corner that I turn. There's a picture of her on the wall, a random toy of hers that I've tripped over so many times. And it sucks. It sucks so bad. Everything is a reminder that she's not her, that's she's not with me.

I'm trying not to hate him, he's the father of my child and I'm trying, so hard. But it's almost impossible. He's the reason I have her, but he's also the reason I don't.

I've been FaceTiming her almost every night, that's the one thing that I could get Kelly to agree with and I've seen her a couple of times, always his call though. God I hate that so much, I can only ever see her when he's okay with it. Of course I can ask, but he can always say no. All the power is in his hands. And I hate that.

I've been trying to stay normal. I go to work, I come home and I try not to focus on the fact that my daughter doesn't live with me, that I lost her.

Jay's been trying to be there for me, but I just can't accept his help. I've been pushing him away, he knows it and I know it. I want to to let him be there for me, but I can't figure out a way to let him.

I've wanted to numb the pain. Just cover it up, but I won't. I know that I have to keep it together, face the pain head on. There's been more than a couple nights where I've wanted to reach for the bottle of vodka, call Bunny and down half a bottle of pills. But I won't. I can't. I'm still a mom, I still have a child. Even if she's not here with me.

So I sit here, every night. Usually it's me crying, crying big fat tears. But today I'm not crying. I'm thinking or trying not to think I guess. That's when I hear the knock on the door. I consider not answering, but I know that I should.

"Kelly?" I say as I open the door, my eyes quickly flying to my baby girl sleeping in his arms. "What are you doing here?"

"We did this wrong," He tells me, my face wrinkling in confusion. "We had a chance to do it right, but we did this wrong,"

"Okay," I respond, crossing my arms in front of me. "You didn't answer my question,"

"I'm going back to New York," He tells me. "That's my home now, that's where I belong,"

"What? No you're not, that was in the custody agreement. You can't take her to New York," I argue, trying so hard not to explode at him. He cannot take my daughter across state lines, he just, he can'.

"I'm not," He says, "She belongs here, with you,"

:"What?" I say breathlessly as I feel the tears start to roll down my cheeks. "You better not be messing with me Kelly I swear,"

"I'm not," He says softly as he hands her over to me, "She belongs in Chicago with her mom,"

"What's the catch?" I ask. He can't just be giving her to me. No, that's not how Kelly works. There has to be a catch.

"No catch, just bring her to New York sometimes. I want this Christmas but you can have next year and I want at least a month in the summer," He explains.

"Done," I say as I feel her body just melt into mine.

"I'll have my lawyer call yours later and we can work out the details," He tells me.

"Thank you Kelly,"

"It's the least I could do," He tells me, "this entire thing. It's on me, I was the one who caused it and you don't deserve to suffer because of it,"

"Wow um," I respond, rendered speechless for the first time in a long time.

"You don't need to say anything, just call me later okay? Let me see her this weekend before I go," He requests.

"Of course," I say as I feel her heartbeat aligning with mine.

"Goodbye Erin," He says, giving me a weak smile.

"Goodbye Kelly," I tell him, letting the door close in front of him. As I hear the lock click into place, I can feel my body melting into itself, the pure and unadulterated joy of having my daughter in my arms again, knowing that no one can take her away from me. She's home and it's all okay again. She's home.

* * *

 **Hope you guys liked this chapter!**

 **Please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	16. Chapter 16

**Still so sorry about how long it's been taking me between updates on this one. It's been harder for me write this one and the inspiration isn't coming as easily, but I promise I am not giving up on this and I am still trying to get updates out as fast as I can. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

 **Erin**

I pace around my apartment after putting Emma to sleep, my phone resting in one hand and the other rubbing the smooth surface of the necklace he gave me, the soft indent of the E a foreign surface.

As soon as Kelly shut that door and my baby girl was back in my arms, the first person I wanted to tell was Jay.

But I have no idea where we stand. We never defined the relationship, if that's even what it is, in the first place. So after two weeks of me completely ignoring him, no texts, no calls, no interaction outside of what is required of us at work, I really don't know what we are. That's my fault of course, but nonetheless, I still have no idea. I'm never going to know if I don't ask. So I bite the bullet, typing out the quick message and taking a deep breath before pressing send.

 _Can I call you? -Erin_

I can feel my heart beating faster and faster every instant that he doesn't respond to me. I don't know what the worst that can happen is, the worst thing he could say and it's not that I think he will say anything bad, I'm just nervous. But why? I couldn't tell you. I feel my heart leap before dropping to the floor as I see those three white dots appear on the left side of the screen.

 _Yeah, I'm just at home. What's going on? Are you okay? - Jay_

I smile before tapping the phone icon next to his name, my fears slowly dissipating as he answers on the second ring.

"Erin what's going on? Are you okay? Is Emma okay? What happened?" He asks, his voice sounding panicked as my smile only grows wider. He cares, he still cares.

"Woah slow down, we're okay, we are all okay," I assure him, my free arm wrapped around my stomach as a sort of security blanket.

"Then what's going on?" He responds, the confusion clear in his voice.

"She's home," I tell him, tears brimming my eyes for the second time tonight.

"Wait what? What do you mean she's home?" He asks, his level of confusion not changing.

"Kelly came to the apartment a couple hours ago. He had the baby and he handed her over to me, telling me that we did this wrong and this is where she belonged. Jay's she's home, he brought her home,"

"What?" I he says breathlessly, not seeming to be able to wrap his head around it. I don't blame him, I think it took me a couple minutes to process it and Kelly was standing in front of me talking, Emma squirming in my arms.

"She's home. My baby girl is home," I say, trying to choke down the lump in my throat, the tears happy for the first time in months.

"You're serious? You're not trying to pull something over on me?" He demands, still not able to process everything that I'm telling him. I think that he wants to process it, he wants to believe that it's true, but he doesn't want to get his hopes up. But this is the one time that those hopes will be warranted.

"Jay why would I joke about this?" I tell him.

"She's home?" He asks, seeming more hopeful this time as he finally accepts my words as truth.

"She's home,"

* * *

I slept like a baby last night. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't restless. There wasn't anything to worry about because everything is okay. I'm standing on stable ground, no one is pulling the floor out from under me.

I think Emma figured out that we're going to be okay too because she slept in. My baby girl does not sleep in and she usually wakes up in the middle of the night. But she didn't and then she slept in.

Since she's woken up, we've just been hanging out in the living room. I know that I need to get her back into her normal routine, but it's a Sunday morning and I haven't been called in for a case, so I'm just going to give us a day to chill out. I don't usually do this, I always want to be doing something with her, but sometimes you just need an off day, decompress. After everything that has happened, I think we deserve at least that. The rest of the world will be still be waiting for us on Monday morning.

Things last night with Jay went as well as they could have. We didn't have a big long dramatic talk, we didn't do that thing. We didn't need to. Everything is back to the way it should be and things will figure themselves out on their own. I'm just going to believe that. We're keeping the faith.

"Oh I am so glad that you are back baby girl," I say with a sigh as she plays next to me on the soft red rug, her little mind fascinated with the cars rolling down down the tall and winding tracks. I want to know what's going through that pretty little head of hers, but until she improves that vocabulary of hers, I guess I'm just going to have to keep guessing.

"Mama car," She tells me, holding a chunky green car out to me.

"What color is this baby girl?"

"Green," She tells me with a toothy smile, the word coming out sounding more similar to "gween".

"That's right Emmy," I tell her with a smile, fluffing her wild blonde curls with my fingers. She giggles and smiles at me before going right back to letting cars go racing down her orange track. I'm happy just watching her play, a big smile on her face when I hear a knock at the door.

"Who?" She asks, her eyes glancing between me and the door.

"Not sure," I tell her, getting up to answer the knock. Who could that be? There's a part of me, a pretty big part of me that has a huge fear that it'll Kelly, coming here to rescind his offer from last night. Nothing has been legally set in stone and in the eyes of the law, he still has custody. He can do whatever he wants. But I push that to the back of my head. It's not him, but I can't seem to convince my heart rate to go back down.

I take another deep breath before looking through the peephole and I can feel my heartbeat fall back down to it's usual rate. It's Jay. It's just Jay. I don't hesitate before swinging that door open. He's standing there with a smile on his face, two cups of coffee on a tray next to a small strawberry smoothie, Emma's recent favorite.

"Hey," I say, the door still halfway covering my torso. "What are you going here?"

"I just wanted to check in, I know that you probably want to spend some alone time with her, I was just going to drop in," He tells me.

"C'mon in," I offer with a smile, opening the door all the way.

"Oh no," He says, "I just wanted to drop by and say hi, bring a little coffee over and see how you guys are doing,"

"We're good," I tell him with a wide grin, "But seriously c'mon in,"

"I don't want to impose on anything Er," He says as he pushes the tray of drinks towards me. I don't even think before pushing up onto my tiptoes, pressing a kiss to those perfect lips of his. That feels right, it just all feels so right.

"You're not," I say as I come back down, "Stay, besides Em's been asking about you,"

"Just for a minute," He says, putting the tray of drinks into my hands.

"Oh yeah okay," I tease, knowing that once Emma gets a hold of him, he won't be going anywhere.

"Hey Em, what's up?" He says as he squats down to her level, her a smile spreading across her face that could light up the whole world.

"JJ," She babbles as she reaches up, her short chubby little arms wrapping around his neck.

"Did you miss me baby?" He asks, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"JJ," She says again as she giggles.

"I'm going to take that as a yes," He says with a grin, pulling her to his hip as he stands back up.

"She loves you, you know that right," I say with a half smile, "You are kind of her favorite person,"

"No I think that that title is reserved for you," He tells me. "You're her mom, I think you're always going to be her favorite person,"

"Ah we'll revisit that when she turns fifteen," I say with slight laugh.

"I'll make sure to put it down on my calendar, July 10th, 2030," He says with a smirk.

"You know her birthday?" I say, slightly surprised as I look up at him, taking of sip of the hazelnut latte that he so wonderfully brought me.

"Yeah, I told you I don't forget things. You wanted to have a natural birth, Emma decided to be difficult and there was a complication so it turned into emergency c-section in the middle of the night and you cried the entire time, but you didn't have any idea why you were crying and she then was born at 2:10 in the morning. Afterwards you were convinced you were going to die and wouldn't see her or name her or even let them tell you if she was a boy or girl until you were confident that you were not going to die. She was born five weeks early, so she spent a week and a half in the NICU and then you took her home,"

"You really don't forget anything do you Halstead," I say with a bit of a laugh. That night was insanity. I was freaking out the entire time and Kelly was trying to calm me down, but there was nothing that you could say to me to stop the crazy. I told Jay about it one night a while ago over beers at Molly's, but I didn't think he would actually remember, especially down to the details like that. Let's just say that I am a little more than impressed.

"I told you I'd remember," He tells me with that stupid smirk that I somehow love so much. God I hope Emma doesn't learn that from him, but at this point it's pretty much guaranteed with the amount of time she spends with him.

"So I was thinking about taking her to Navy Pier. I have to stop by Voight's house to tell him what happened, but I want to keep showing the little lady her new city,"

"What Hank doesn't know yet?" He says, wrinkling his brow.

"You're the first person I called," I tell him.

"Oh okay," He comments, a look on his face that doesn't tell me what's going through that head of his.

"But do you want to tag along?"

"As long as I can get you out for a date this week," He says, bouncing Emma in his arms.

"Babysitter," I question.

"I will get Maeve to do it and if she can't, one of my siblings will be more than happy to watch her," He assures me.

"You sure?"

"That little girl has captured the hearts of my entire family, they've been asking since I took you home to that dinner when you were coming again," He tells me as I smile. I do love his family, they're crazy but they are a family, loud and all in each other's business, what I always imagined and dreamed of when I was a kid.

"If you'll have us, we will be happy to attend the next Halstead family dinner," I tell him, rubbing my hand over his shoulder, taking another sip of the coffee, but for the first time in a long time, not actually needing the caffeine.

"I'm sure they'd love to have you. Besides my little sister is coming into town and I'd really like for you to be there to meet her," He tells me, Emma babbling happily.

"Just give me a date and time, I will be there,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and you'll let me know what you thought in the reviews! As always, if you have any questions or comments, my PM box is always open as well.**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addison**


	17. Chapter 17

**I accidentally posted the wrong chapter, but this is the correct file.**

 **I know it's been a minute since I updated, but I just needed a little bit of time to really gather myself and figure out where I wanted to take all my stories instead of just churning out filler chapters. But I hope that my updates will be out faster now and I hope you all enjoy chapter 17! Happy reading!**

* * *

 ** **Erin****

"What do they know?" I ask Jay as we walk up the steps of Cole and Beth's house, Emma resting on his hip and a container of cut fruit in my hands, the sun setting behind us.

Cole and Kara, the oldest siblings swap around who hosts the family dinners because they two are the only ones who have homes that are big enough to host the almost twenty members of the Halstead family. It turned out to be almost an hour drive out to Naperville, but it's worth it to see everyone, especially since Jay's other sister is going to be here tonight. He's been telling me stories about her and I heard about her from everyone that night at dinner, especially Shea who talked about her Aunt Annie constantly. She's seems great and if she's anything like the rest of them, she will be.

"About the trial?" He asks as we set foot onto the front porch

"Yeah?" I say tentatively, stopping before I ring the doorbell, wanting to make sure that we both have all of our facts straight.

"Nothing, they don't even know that it happened," He assures me, "as far as they know, you and Kelly had an amicable divorce and you settled Emma's custody in a conference room, not a courtroom."

"We're not even divorced yet," I comment, though satisfied with his answer as I buzz the doorbell.

"I know that, but they don't. You can tell them whatever you want, whenever they want," He says, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"Thanks babe," I say with a smile. How did I get so lucky with him? I spent seven years with a guy who I thought made me happy, but I think that what was really making me happy was my child, not my marriage. Jay makes me happy, if this is what happy is supposed to feel like, Kelly definitely wasn't making me happy.

The past couple weeks since the trial have been so good. Voight doesn't know about me and Jay yet, though I'm not sure how he hasn't figured it out, but I don't think I even care. Not even Hank Voight can pop my little bubble.

"Hey," He says as footsteps near the front door. "I love you," I smile up at him. I never thought I would find someone like him, especially not after I left Kelly. But I did. He fell right into my lap and he's an amazing man who not only chose to love me, but also chose to love my kid.

"I love you too," I say with a smile, standing up on my toes to give him a quick kiss before that door gets flung open in front of us.

"Love you," Emma murmurs happily.

"That's right baby girl," Jay tells her, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head as Beth swings the door open.

"Hey guys!" Beth exclaims from the other side of the door, clad in a breezy light blue button up and pair of dark skinny jeans, Lily held on her hip.

"Hey Bethers," Jay says with a smile as he pulls his sister-in-law for a hug.

"Yeah, yeah," She says with a smile as she pushes out of the hug and pinches Emma's cheeks. "Now how is this little girl today?"

"I swear my family likes the two of you better than they like me," He jokes with a chuckle.

"I'm kind of awesome," I tell him with a smile, pulling Lily into my arms, handing the bag of fruit over to Beth.

"Is AK here yet?" Jay asks as he pushes in the front door, kicking his shoes off in the foyer.

"She's inside with Cole and Kara," She tells us. "You excited to meet her?"

"Well you all have been building up the prodigal daughter who ran away to DC only for about as long as I've known you guys," I joke.

"She's not a prodigy and she didn't run away," Beth says with a loose smile. "She's smart and she just scattered, then went to Georgetown on scholarship and made all the right connections,"

"She ran away," Jay says quietly with a laugh, setting Emma down on the ground as she toddles away to play with Marin and Ainsley who are set up on the ground of the living room, Maeve and Brenna sitting on the couch above them. "Just don't mention that,"

"Will do babe," I say with a smile before following him inside. I immediately notice a new body, dressed stylishly and standing out against the rest of the casually dressed siblings in a pair of tight black slacks and a loose white blouse, wearing a pair of heels, but still a few inches shorter than all of her siblings and a glass of white wine in hand. She must have gone straight from work to the airport, though she still looks impeccable even after the flight, not a hair out of place of that perfectly combed ponytail. She may be 26 and teeny tiny, but she looks intimidating. That has to be Annie.

"What's up little sis," Jay says running over to her and pulling her into a giant hug, lifting her tiny frame off the ground, Annie barely having enough time to set down her wine glass, leaving me with Beth as she watches on with a grin. Jay and Annie have always been close. They've gotten closer as they've gotten older, as they are so far apart. Even though Jay is the closest to his younger sister, there is still a six year age gap. But she was kind of his only option, by the time she was ten years old, Kara was married with a child and Cole wasn't far behind, Will already off at college.

"Oh I missed you Blue Jay," She says with a sparkling smile, me finally getting to see those blue eyes that I now know are shared by the entire Halstead family.

"Well then maybe you should come home more," He says with that stupid smirk.

"Well unless I can convince all of Washington to move to our wonderful city of Chicago, you're out of luck mister," She says with a smirk. "You're just lucky I could get this time off,"

"Oh yes from your big fancy Washington job," Will pipes in from the background.

"You know you could come visit me, enlighten your children to all that this great nation's capital has to offer," She says with a smirk.

"Because it's so easy for us to get time off," Natalie says with a scoff.

"Fair point," She says with a smile. "But I have to spin all the political disasters, what would Washington do without me?"

"Jay, you forgetting something," Beth interjects as I raise my eyebrow at him.

"Yes of course," He says, abandoning his sister and throwing his arm around me. "AK, this is my girlfriend Erin and Erin, this is my kid sister Annie,"

"Nice to meet you, I've heard a lot of good things," I say holding my hand out to shake hers.

"Wish I could say the same," She says her facial expression changing instantly as she shakes my hand, ice in her eyes. The happy is gone, the bright smiley little sister that Jay had in his arms just a couple of seconds ago is gone, nowhere to be found.

"Shut up Bells," Kara says shooting her a dirty look from behind the stove. My brow wrinkles in confusion. I knew that Annie was brash, I knew she was tough, Jay has told me that part, they all told me that part. She's a fireball.

But I thought that's just how she did her job. She's a young female in a male dominated profession, she has to be that way, but I didn't think that it would be shot towards me. I glance towards Jay for an explanation, but he just shakes his head. I don't have any idea what is going on and neither does he, but based on the look that Kara just shot Annie, she's definitely in on it.

"What? I'm not lying," She says honestly, her voice growing louder and more crass by the syllable.

"Annie that's enough," Cole says loudly.

"What the hell is this about?" Jay asks her, me being very grateful that my child and the rest of the kids aren't in the room.

"You know what it's about. How could you just give up like that?"

"Give up on what?" He yells back at her.

"Beca! Your marriage, you just walked away and moved on to this," That one is a punch in the chest.

"Annie you are going to want to stop right now because you don't have any idea what you are talking about,"

"Fine, then tell me what I'm missing," She says firmly, her arms crossed in front of her as raises an eyebrow, my head spinning a million miles a minute.

"You don't have any idea what you are talking about, you don't know what it's like to be in a marriage, a failing marriage. You are a child Annabelle," Jay roars at her, only making me feel smaller and smaller.

"I'm just going to wait in the car," I say, slowly slinking away, handing Lily back to her mom. I don't need to get in the middle of this, me causing family drama isn't necessary.

"No," Jay insists, grabbing my arm, "This is her fault, not your's, you aren't going anywhere,"

"Maybe she should go, she's nothing but a rebound," Annie says, her eyes sharp as she glares over at me. I'm tough, I've always been tough, I've had to be that way. I don't get intimidated, I don't like to back down and I don't. I've been face to face with the sickest, most disgusting and terrifying criminals in New York and Chicago, so I can't back down. But somehow, Annie Halstead is able to make me feel small.

"Don't you dare talk about her that way," Jay shouts at her. "She is not my rebound,"

"What else do you want to call her, you jumped into a relationship with her right after you and Becs got the divorce finalized. You have known her since you were five years old, we grew up with the Porters, and suddenly you just decide to serve her divorce papers?" She yells back, their voices filling the void as the rest of the family stands there in awkward silence, pulling on fingers and toying with hands as the two youngest Halstead siblings go toe to toe, fighting over me.

"I didn't throw it away!" He yells back at her, "she did and you would know that if you got your information from both side rather than just Penny!"

"Penny?" I whisper into Beth's ear, not wanting at all to get in the middle of this.

"Beca's sister and Annie's best friend," She tells me, whispering quietly in my ear as she leans over.

"How would that change anything?" She demands.

"At least that way you would get the facts, all the facts. Penny isn't giving them to you," He assures her, his eyes blazing just as brightly as her's are.

"Fine Jay, enlighten me," She says, a foot stuck out in front of her and her arms crossed in front of her, a scowl across her face.

"She cheated, I walked out, that's how it went. So yes, I gave up. I gave up on her but she gave up on me way before,"

"She cheated?" She says slowly and quietly, her voice and body deflating at her words.

"Yes she did. You would know that if you had talked to me and not gotten all your information from Penny," He says, coming down slightly. "I didn't want to tell you because I know how much Penny and Beca mean to you, I didn't want to screw that relationship up for you even if it was screwed up for me,"

"And then you just left?" She says, her anger coming right back up.

"Yeah, yeah I did. I found her in bed with her boss, there wasn't much else that I needed,"

"Why didn't you fight for her? You don't have to settle Jay," She says, a certain level of disgust in her voice. That one is a punch to the chest. It hurts, it all hurts. But more than that I'm confused. She's mad, I got that. But I don't know why because she seems pissed about the divorce, but Jay and Beca signed the papers almost six months ago, I didn't have anything to do with that. It maybe would have made more sense if she hadn't greeted him so warmly when we first got her, only turning into the Ice Queen when I came into the equation.

"You think I'm settling with Erin?" He says, looking her dead in the eyes.

"I know that you loved Beca and that she loved you," She tells him, her small frame seeming to tower above everyone in the room.

"Annabelle Kate that is enough," Kara says again, louder this time, her authority as the oldest sibling coming out, stepping out of the kitchen and in between Jay and Annie.

"You're right, Cole, Beth thank you for hosting, but we have to go. I love Erin and I'm not going to tolerate Annie treating her like this. Let's go Erin," He says, anger brimming his eyes as he turns away from his sister, grabbing my hand and leading me back towards the front door.

"Thank you again," I tell Beth again, not wanting to be a terrible guest, even my presence did just ruin the night.

"You're leaving already?" Maeve asks me as I pick up Emma from the floor. I know she's playing dumb for the sake of her sister, she knows exactly what just happened, I know that she heard everything.

"Yeah, I'm sorry babe. You can come over sometime though and watch the baby, I think I might be able to convince your Uncle Jay to go on a little date night with me," I say quickly and quietly, wanting to wrap this up and get out of this freaking house.

"I might take you up on that offer," She says with a smile, Emma quietly bouncing on my hip.

"I have your number so I'll give you a call," I assure her as I slip on my shoes.

"Okay I'll see you soon," I tell her, pulling her and Brenna for a quick hug before I slip out the door, meeting Jay on the porch outside. Before either of us say anything, I just pull him into a tight hug. That was hard for me, but I know that it had to be so much harder for him. He's told me how much he loves his little sister and I know that he loves me too, he just wanted us to get along. I want to like her, I want her to like me, but I don't know if she'll be able to get over this. In her head, I am the actual and final straw that he has moved on, that his marriage is over.

"What was that?" I ask before pulling out of the hug, Emma sitting silently on my hip, somehow being able to read the situation.

"That was my sister, you just saw her as raw as she gets. That's the best part of her and the worst part. She's a loyal person, as loyal as they come and she's loyal to the Porters," He says softly.

"Over you?" I ask.

"No not over me. She hasn't said anything to me since the divorce, I knew she was upset about it but you were the thing that threw her over the edge. She's loyal to Beca over you,"

"So she's not really mad at you for everything, she's just mad that I'm not Beca," I say, all the confusing pieces finally falling into place. It's not me specifically, it would be anyone in my shoes, I just happen to be standing on the battlefield. Not that that makes it hurt any less. She's still a very important part of his life and she still hates me.

"Yeah," He says, running his hand over my shoulder, "I'm really sorry about all of this,"

"No, no, no don't worry about it," I say, not being able to be mad at him for this, "Let's go home,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed chapter 17! I know that everyone says it, but reviews really do encourage me to write faster so it would be great if you just left a short comment to let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addison**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed on Chapter 17! I read every single one of your reviews and they really do put a smile on my face and encourage me to update faster. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy chapter 18! Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin**

I know that Jay's feeling guilty about what happened with Annie. He's been apologizing to me every chance he gets and I don't want to be mad at him, but I'm not perfect and those feelings can't help but creep up sometimes.

I know in my heart that he couldn't have expected her to do that, but he could have at least warned me about her relationship with Beca, a little heads up would have been nice. The rest of the family has reached out to me a few times as well, Kara, Natalie, and Cole assuring me that that is not normally how she behaves or conducts herself and Will and Beth continually asking me if I'm okay, telling me again and again that they adore me, all of them apologizing profusely. Not that they could have done anything to help it. Neither could Jay, but somehow it still seems like it's his fault.

Last night, we were on cloud nine, nothing could tear us down, but I hadn't met Annie Halstead. Hank doesn't even know yet, but I know that he doesn't have anything against Jay, his reasons for wanting us not to be together come from his instincts to keep the unit as effective as possible and protect me at the same time.

Annie has a problem with me, not personally, but she has an issue that I'm a figure in her brother's life. While I don't think she has any specific grievances against me, it doesn't change the fact that she is someone very important in Jay's life and she refuses to accept me.

But I can't focus on my anger or frustration on that because that just won't get anything done. I have to figure out how to make it better or accept it and move one. The latter isn't an option for me. So I have to figure out what I can do to fix it.

This morning, I woke up alone in my apartment to the sounds of Emma's wails and made the decision to be the bigger person, ignore any and all preconceived notions she may have about me and try to change her mind. I called Kara early this morning and after several minutes of arguing and convincing, she finally gave me Annie's number, agreeing after my urging to not tell her brother about it.

All morning with Jay next to me, his head hanging low after the events of last night as we all roam around the office, making small talk and doing paper work, I can feel the weight of Annie's number in my pocket. I want to tell him, I don't like keeping things from him, if not as my boyfriend, then as my partner. But I know he'll stop me and I can't have that either.

Just before lunch, I sneak off to the locker room, careful to close the door behind me as I toss my phone back and forth between my hands. I know that I have to do it and I really should do it sooner rather than later, but it doesn't make it any easier.

After a couple minutes of a racing heart and doubt spinning through my veins, I suck it up and tap her name, holding the phone to my ear, rapping my nails against the cool aluminum lockers as I wait for her to pick up my call, if she picks up my call.

To my relief and somewhat dread, she picks up on the fourth ring, my heart dropping to the floor and soaring at the same time. I freeze for a minute as she speaks into the receiver on the other end.

"Annabelle Halstead, who is this?" I hear on the other end of the line, the sharpness of her voice not wavering one bit from last night.

"It's Erin Lindsay," I say quickly and calmly.

"Who?" She questions. I don't know if she seriously doesn't remember me or if she's playing dumb, but based on the stress and amount of things she has to remember with her job, I don't think it's the latter.

"Erin, from last night. I'm Jay's girlfriend," I tell her, not stooping down to her level. At this point, she can say about whatever she wants to me and it still won't change my mind.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say," She says with a scoff, coming close to hanging up on me.

"I know, but I think I can change that. Just give me a chance," I say quickly, my last ditch effort to keep her on the line. I just need her to hear me out.

"And why would I do that?" She says with another scoff. I can almost see the scowl on her face, her foot probably tapping impatiently on the floor.

"You love your brother right?" I ask her, knowing that it'll probably tick her off but not trying to. You have to take a risk once in awhile.

"Of course I do, what the hell are you trying to say?" She comes back, her voice becoming stronger.

"Well your brother loves me and your brother loves my daughter," I tell her simply, not trying to push her buttons but simply state the facts, also knowing that it's going to piss her off.

"You've got a kid?" She exclaims into the receiver. Alright so no one told her that part.

"Yeah but that doesn't matter right now, you have a problem with me," I shoot back. Emma isn't a problem for Jay, I won't let my daughter be another reason for Annie to hate me.

"I wouldn't have a problem if he would just go back to Beca," She fires back, her tone sharp and icy.

"Well that isn't going to happen and I suggest you figure out how to at least not hate me because I'm not going anywhere, I'm sticking around," I tell her.

"What do you want?" She finally concedes.

"How long are you in Chicago?" I ask, a smile on my face as I finally realise

"I fly out Thursday, why?"

"Meet me for a drink Wednesday night, you can choose the place. One drink, if you still hate me afterwards, I'll go," There's silence on the line for probably only ten seconds, but for what feels like a lifetime.

"Fine, there's a place on South Dearborn called Oakley's, 8:00. one drink," She gives in.

"That's all I need, see you tomorrow night," I assure her.

"You better not be wasting my time Lindsay," She questions for what feels like the hundredth time. Annie doesn't like me, I got that part, loud and clear. This is my one chance to change her mind and I'll be damned if I waste it.

"I'm not," I respond just as she hangs up. She seems to be the type of person who is used to getting in the last word. Well so am I, so this should be interesting. Now I just have to hope that I can find someone to watch the baby.

* * *

I barely made it here. We caught a case on Monday and it ended up being a little complicated. It was impossible and we wrapped it up today, but it did involve me and Jay doing an undercover buy. They got spooked and shots were fired, but luckily we weren't hurt, everyone is okay, slightly shaken, but okay and they will be behind bars for a very, very long time.

But because a gun was fired, that meant a lot of paperwork for the squad, more specifically for me and Jay. That meant that I barely got home in time and Kelly knocked on the apartment door only fifteen minutes after we got there. In that time though, I did somehow give myself enough time to jump in the shower, though washing my hair was kind of out of the question. I somehow manage to get myself to look almost presentable after a near insane day at work.

Kelly's still in town and since we rearranged the custody agreement, the bad blood has almost completely dissipated between the two of us. He still cheated on me, but I've moved on and there's no reason for me to act like a child, even if he did. He's still her father and he did hand over custody to me, so the least I can do is let them spend some time together before he goes home to Manhattan.

Plus it's not like I don't trust him with her, now that I know that he's not trying to take her away from me, it's so much easier to hand her over to him. He still has all the stuff from when she was staying with him at Benny's, so she'll stay the night over there and take her to daycare in the morning, I'll pick her up after work tomorrow night. I would usually have either Hank or Maeve watch her, but it'll be good for everyone for her to spend some time with Kelly. I know it's going to be weird sleeping in an empty apartment, but I'll be fine because I know she's coming home. So I quickly handed her off to her dad and rushed out the door, knowing that she is in good hands.

I somehow didn't break any traffic laws as I raced over from my apartment in the South Loop over to Annie's bar of choice in the middle of downtown. Parking was a nightmare and the traffic was insane, but I'm here. There's no backing out now.

Though the window of the modern and crisp bar, I can see Annie dressed just as sharply as she was a dinner last night with a martini in front of her, deeply engrossed in her cell phone with her left leg crossed over the right. I take a deep breath before walking into the door, the familiar ding of the bell above the door at Molly's absent.

"Annie?" I say as I approach her at the bar.

"What are you drinking?"She asks, slamming her phone down on the bar, getting the bartender's attention, whether purposeful or not.

"Whiskey sour," I tell the bartender.

"Coming right up," He responds as he quickly gets to work, grabbing the bottles from the under the bar.

"So," She says after taking a sip of the clear drink. "What did you want to talk about?"

"You and me, why you hate me so much," I tell her, settling myself in at the bar, the smooth glassy surface a far cry from the worn wooden bar I've sat in front of so many times.

"I said my piece the other night," She says with a scoff.

"You did, but I didn't," I tell her, taking a long swig of the drinking, the alcohol slowly burning as it runs down my throat.

"Fine, say what you need to say,"

"You don't hate me. You hate the idea of me," I tell her simply, the bartender sliding the yellowish drink across the bar. "It isn't anything that I did, it couldn't be because you don't know me, you would hate anyone in my shoes. You are mad at your brother, but you don't want to be so you are projecting everything on me, that way you don't have to be mad at your brother,"

"You don't know anything about me," She tells me as she brushes it off.

"You're probably right about that, but I do know your brother and I know that this is hurting him. I know how much you mean to him and I know how much he means to you. I also know that your brother loves me and that you wouldn't have lashed out at me like that immediately, unless something else was going on," I tell her. "This is my guess as to what the something else is," I watch her closely as her eyes flit down to the ground, her fingers pulling at each other. This is probably the first time that i've seen anything resembling vulnerability in Annie. But that confirms it for me. "And the way you just looked down and pulled at your fingers, that told me that I know I'm right,"

"How do you do it?" She says with a sigh, her entire demeanor taking a shift as my words leave my mouth.

"I'm a cop, I study people for a living and decide if they're guilty or not," I explain to her.

"No, not that," She assures me, "I was awful to you. Completely awful and you were just able to get over it, I don't get it,"

"Well your brother means a lot to me and I couldn't deal with leaving things like that," I tell her.

"Seriously?" She questions, cocking her left eyebrow.

"Well that and personal pride," I say with a slight laugh. "Your entire family loves me, so I couldn't deal with leaving one out,"

"I'm sorry I went off on you," She says, "I didn't know the extent of what happened with Beca, you know the cheating and everything. By the time that he told me, I had kind of dug myself into a hole and I couldn't get out of it without taking a hit and tonight, I kind of wanted you to suck. That way I had a reason to keep hating you,"

"It's okay, I get it." I tell her understandingly. I'm still not completely over what happened on Sunday night, but I'm willing to suck it up and mend the bridges. This isn't about me, this is about Jay. "All of that didn't come out of just anger, even if you are loyal to Beca and the Porter's, you still say your brother get hurt and based on what I've heard, you are protective and fiercely loyal. You say your brother get hurt, badly, so you are going to be skeptical of anyone in my shoes. You want to protect your brother, and that's where we coincide. So I just want you to know that I'm not going to hurt him,"

"I know, he wouldn't bring anyone to family dinner that he wasn't sure about," She tells me with a smile.

"So we're good?" I offer with a smile.

"For now, just don't screw anything up, okay?" She says with a smile as she shakes my hand. "Don't hurt him okay. My brother doesn't give his heart very easily, but when he does, he gives you his entire heart. Don't break it,"

"Not planning on it," I promise her, a genuine smile on my face for the first time.

"Okay then," She says with a grin, "not that that's out of the way, tell me about yourself. If my brother picked you, you can't be half bad, but I'd like to form my own opinion of you,"

"I respect that, what do you want to know?" I ask her.

"Why did you become a cop?" She asks, "I know why Jay did it, but what made you decide to do this job everyday?"

"How honest do you want me to be?" I ask her with a laugh, that chuckle concealing my inner battle about how much to tell her.

"Brutally," She tells me. I'll give her the light version.

"Well when I was fifteen, I thought I'd be dead within a year. My mom was an addict and I grew up on the streets. I didn't expect to live, let alone graduate high school, get a job,"

"And then what happened?" She asks. "I mean that was over a decade ago and you're still here,"

"I met Hank Voight," I tell her with a smile.

"Hank Voight as in Jay's boss Hank Voight?" She asks, her brow wrinkling in confusion.

"Yeah, that Hank Voight. He and his wife Camille, they took me in, got me enrolled at a private school and kept me on the straight and narrow. They saved my life. Hank was a cop, that's how I met him. That's how I knew that I wanted to be a cop, I wanted to save people like he saved me in the city that I grew up in. Why do you do what you do? Jay told me you work in Washington?"

"Yeah," She says with a smile.

"What exactly is it that you do?" I say with a bit of a laugh, "Sorry they never really went into specifics,"

"Don't worry about it," She says, waving off my comment, "I work for a firm in Washington, Ralston & Burke,"

"So you're a lawyer," I fill in, unsure of my answer.

"Well I do have a law degree, but I'm not a lawyer," She explains, a look on her face that says she's done this a million times.

"So do you do what?" I ask again with a suppressed laugh.

"I'm a spin doctor," She says with a small smile. That's what she meant.

"Oh," I say, drawing out the sound of the word. I know exactly what she does. "So who do you work for?"

"No one technically. Anytime any politicians, Congress members, senators, aides, literally anyone who has something happen that could come out as bad press, we spin it. We control how the public hears their news,"

"So you're clued into the secrets of the Capitol?" I ask her, Annie becoming all the more intriguing. Jay told me she worked on Capitol Hill, but I figured he meant as like a legislative aide or something, I didn't imagine anything like this.

"Well some of them, I'm still fairly new at the firm, but I do know some things," She says. "It's a small group and they're all very close, so I'm still working on cracking that shell to the inner circle,"

"Feel like sharing?" I say, only half joking. She's probably a list of stories a mile long.

"Well I could, but then I'd have to kill you,"

"Ever work for the President?" I ask curiously.

"No," She says with a smile, "She's got her own team for that," For several more hours, we talk about everything under the sun, switching to club soda after that first drink, knowing very well that we both have to drive home and both of us apparently being light weights. Normally, I would have gone home hours ago, but my child is with her father and tomorrow morning, I only have to get myself ready. That means that tonight, I can let go, at least a little bit. But around 11:15, we both decide that it's time to head home.

"You should come over for dinner sometime," I say as we walk down the street towards the area where we both parked our cars, the area quieting down due to the time.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'll make Jay cook and you can meet my daughter." I tell her, "She's a big fan of all the Halsteads and I'm sure you won't be any different,"

"Well I'm going home tomorrow morning, but I'll make sure to take you up on that offer the next time that I'm in town. It may take almost a year," She says with a laugh, "but I'll call you,"

"Sounds good," I tell her with a smile, "Maybe we'll find ourselves over in DC,"

"Well don't hesitate to come crash my apartment, living quarters will be tight, but I think we'll be able to swing it," She offers.

"As long as you're good with your brother horrendous snoring and the very real possibility of my child waking up in the middle of the night, that shouldn't be a problem," I tell her with a grin.

"You noticed the snoring too!" She exclaims.

"Yes how could I not, it's insane!" I say with a laugh.

"I always told him he snores, he never believed me," She says with a chuckle. "Maybe he'll trust you,"

"Ha I doubt it, he is as stubborn as they come. If he's convinced that he doesn't snore, they is no telling him otherwise,"

"You got that right," She says absentmindedly as we continue to walk down the usually bustling streets of the Loop. "uh this is me," She says as we come up behind a silver sedan.

"Well it was really nice to talk to you Annie, really," I tell her genuinely.

"I feel the same way, I'm sorry again for the way I acted at dinner," She says as she pushed the button on her keys, the headlights coming to life for a quick instant as the car beeps in response.

"Past is in the past," I tell her, "I'm not worried about it anymore, neither should you,"

"Thank you," She says with a smile.

"Don't mention it," I assure her.

"Well goodnight," She says as she ducks into the front seat of her car.

"Goodnight," I tell her. I let out a deep breath as I watch her drive away, a breath that I don't think I even realized I was holding. That went well, really well. Like I could not have predicted a better outcome. Now all that's left is to tell Hank.

* * *

Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Please let me know your thoughts in a review and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to leave them in a review or shoot me a PM. Thanks for reading!

xoxo,

Addison


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed on the last chapter! I do read every single one of them and they honestly put a smile on my face, so keep them coming!**

 **Thanks for reading and I hope you guys enjoy chapter 19!**

* * *

 **Jay**

"You met with Annie?" I say, my jaw hanging to the floor as I imagine my sharp tongued younger sister, "And you guys didn't kill each other?"

"No," Erin says with a smile, the two of us sitting around the table with cups of coffee, ""It was actually really nice, we talked and once she realized that I wasn't going anywhere, that I wasn't going to shatter your heart into a million tiny pieces, she warmed up pretty damn fast,"

"Wow, you thawed the Ice Queen," I tell her, slightly impressed.

"I don't know if you've noticed," She tells me with a smile, "But I'm kind of awesome,"

"You don't need to remind me," I say with a smile. If we weren't in the office, I would have reached over that table and kissed her, but Hank's less than fifteen feet away and I don't want to be thrown in the bottom of the Chicago River.

"Okay I'm going to say something and I need you to not freak out," She says nervously as she leans forward towards me.

"What you got another ex-husband?" I joke, only half kidding. It sounds pretty damn similar to the last time she told me news.

"Seriously?" She says with a slight glare.

"Too soon?" I ask, slightly and jokingly concerned.

"Too soon," She confirms, "but I think we should tell Hank,"

"You do?" I say, my jaw hitting the floor once again. I thought the last thing we wanted to do was tell Hank as we were both pretty sure that all he was going to do was either fire me or push us apart. Neither of those things seemed like a very good outcome. In fact, they are both pretty freaking terrible outcomes.

"I do yeah," She tells me, "He's the closest thing I have to a dad and he's a big part of my life, he's a big part of Emma's life too. But you're in my life now too and I don't want to hide that from him,"

"You know his rules," I tell her after taking a sip of the coffee, the bitter liquid lukewarm as it runs down my throat.

"I know, no in house romances," She says, dragging out each word.

"And there's always the very high and very real risk of him killing me, Hank Voight has made people disappear," I tell her, half serious. I've seen it happen and each time, it's made me more uncomfortable than anyone could realize. But the rest of the unit just told me that this is how it all works, we march to the beat of Hank Voight's drum, no questions asked.

"Not funny," She retorts.

"Wasn't a joke," I tell her seriously. I've gotten used to Hank demeanor, he's rough and brash and usually it doesn't bother me, but I definitely don't want to be on the receiving end of that. Especially if Erin is involved, she and her daughter, that's his whole world.

"C'mon he's not that bad," She insists. Of course she would say that. She knows that Hank Voight is scary, but he's been trying to protect her for almost all of his adult life. That's the version she knows of him.

"He's your dad, you don't have a reason to be scared shitless of him," I argue softly.

"Oh trust me, I've got plenty," She assures me, "Besides, Kelly's still breathing and he cheated on me. You're going to be fine,"

"If he kills me, I'm haunting you for the rest of your life," I tell her with a smile, realizing that there is absolutely no way that I am getting out of this. This is what she wants and after everything that the world has dragged her though and the hell that Annie put her through last week, I can't say no. I have to do this for her and for Emma. If I don't there's no moving forward, we'd be at a complete and total standstill, frozen in time.

"Fair," She says with a grin. "I'll accept it gladly,"

"Good," I tease, "But there is a very real possibility of that happening,"

"So when do you want to tell him?" I ask her, wanting to be able to move on but at the same time wanting to push it off for as long as humanly possible.

"Well now," She says frankly.

"Now?" I say in shock again.

"Soon, maybe before the end of the day," She offers.

"You're really putting me to the flame here aren't you?" I say.

"I dragged you through a custody trial, you can handle it," She insists with that amazing smile.

"Anything for you," I assure her.

"And that's why I keep you around," She says with a smirk before getting up and walking out of the room.

"And now you're just going to leave," I whine.

"Hey I've got work to do," She says with a smirk. "And you've got to figure out what you're saying to Hank,"

"Oh you suck," I exclaim.

"No I'm great," She insists, leaving me with that infectious grin before departing for her desk. That woman, she's going to be the death of me.

* * *

"Halstead get in here!" Voight shouts down the bullpen, not even getting up from his desk. I glance over at Erin, but she gives me a simple raise of her shoulders and eyebrows, she doesn't know what this is either. I nervously get up and take the walk to Voight's office, the entire unit with it's eyes on me. It's not often that one of us gets called into his office solo, it almost never happens.

"What's up Sarge?" I ask as I walk into the tiny room.

"Shut the door," He says. Okay that makes it even weirder, this is definitely about Erin. I can't think of anything else that it would be. I comply with his order and sit down in the chairs, my heart racing as I wait for words, any words to slip from his mouth.

"You know what this is about?" He asks, leaning back in his chair as he gives me that ice cold stare.

"I have my suspicions," I tell him deciding to keep it vague. If he's not talking to me about what I think he is, there is no way in hell that I'm going to tell him. At least if Erin's in the room, there is a lesser chance that he's pull out a gun and shoot me.

"Care to share those with me?" He asks.

"I was going to wait for you to talk," I respond shortly.

"Okay," He says, "Protect my girls,"

"What?" I say, probably not fully comprehending what he just said. Protect my girls? I assume he means Emma and Erin, but what the hell is he talking about? Does he know about us? I mean he has to, he wouldn't have called me in here otherwise. But if he does know, why the hell is he not kicking my ass? Or at least giving me a thorough tongue lashing.

"You heard me," He says again.

"You know what's going on?" I ask innocently, more than slightly taken aback from his mild reaction. I ran through a lot of scenarios in my head, but that was definitely not one that I was expecting. At all.

"I'm not stupid Halstead and I've been a cop for a long time," He tells me, his eyes as stony and cold as always, "I've known for a while now,"

"When did you find out?" I ask, finally giving in as I realize that there is no more to hide, a huge weight falling off my chest.

"The trial, I say you two outside the courtroom." He offers. Of course. We both thought he was inside already, but yeah that'd pretty much give it away.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I ask curiously. I know that Hank Voight can keep a secret with the best of them, but it's not like him to keep his mouth shut about something like this.

"I was going to, that was when I was expecting the trial to go well. After that outcome, she was already in enough pain, I didn't need to add to her stress," He explains.

"So you're not going to kill me?" I ask uncertainly

"For now," He tells me.

"What?" I ask.

"You're in the clear, for now. If I see it interfering with work, I can have you gone with two clicks and an email. And if you hurt her," He starts.

"They won't find my body, I got it," I fill in for him. I've heard him give a similar speech to many a suspect, I wasn't surprised to hear it coming my way.

"You understand my rules?" He asks harshly.

"Crystal clear sir," I assure him.

"Do not hurt her, she's already been through enough," He tells me.

"I wouldn't dream of it," I tell him honestly. I've only known Erin for a few months and in those months, she's shown me just how strong she is as I watched her power through crap. Something made her that strong. She hasn't opened up to me about all of that yet, but I know it's there. I won't be the one to shatter her.

"Okay then, you're dismissed," He says, turning his head back to the piles of paperwork on his desk.

"That's it?" I ask, sounding more shocked than I intended.

"Would you like anything else?" He asks, more forcefully this time, the calm softness of his voice just a minute ago nowhere to be found.

"No sir," I say before quickly vacating his office.

"So?" Erin says quietly as I approach her desk.

"We're good,"

"What the hell does that mean?" She asks in that kind of screamy whisper.

"We are good," I tell her again, "We'll talk later"

"Okay,"

* * *

 **Erin**

"What do you mean he's okay with it?" I exclaim as we across from each other at my table, Emma seated in her highchair just to my right. Nothing that he is saying is making any sense. Hank has told me and probably Jay since day one, that anything between us was strictly forbidden, that any kind of relationship we were to pursue would have consequences. I mean I did it anyway, but I was expecting some blow back, I wasn't expecting him to just roll over and say yes. There has to be some kind of catch. But I haven't found one yet.

"He's fine with it," He tells me, a huge smile spread across his face.

"What exactly did he say?" I question him as I keep one eye on Emma, watching her push around a couple of things on the tray of her high chair, hoping that we'll avoid the food on the floor that seems to happen almost every night.

"He told me to protect his girls," He explains to me. Okay that doesn't sound like him either. He's always been protective of me, overprotective and all of that kind of kicked into high gear when Emma was born, it's not like him to just hand that trust over to someone.

"There weren't any death threats or telling you that he could have you out on your ass?" I ask again, still trying to find the loophole in this story.

"Well yeah, but only in the event in which I did something to you," He admits.

"But not just for this?" I question, still seeming unsure of all this. This is so unlike Hank, I don't know what he's doing. Is he playing some kind of game or something?

"No," He tells me exasperated. "Erin, he's okay with. Why aren't you okay with that?"

"I am, I'm just not used to him operating like this," I admit to him, wiping a bit of tomato sauce from the corner of Emma's mouth as she babbles happily.

"Well maybe it's because you've never dated someone like me," He says with a smirk, those blue eyes bright.

"Don't push your luck Halstead," I warn teasingly.

"Fine," He says with a slight chuckle. "But seriously Erin, it's okay. Let him be okay with it. Let's just be happy okay?" Happy. I can do that.

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed reading chapter 19! Please review and let me know what you thought in the reviews or drop me a PM! Thanks for reading!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addison**


	20. Chapter 20

**I know, it's been a while. My updates are going to be sporadic (sorry) and I'll pretty much be posting updates whenever I can, but I can't promise when that will be. But anyways, thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story and I hope you guys enjoy chapter!**

* * *

 **Erin**

"Is this really a good idea?" I ask for what's probably the hundredth time as the two of us get ready next to each other in my bathroom. It's been about five months since Jay and I went public, and other than getting a hard time from the unit sometimes, we haven't had any issues. Even Hank seems to be warming up to him. And by warming up, I mean that he doesn't glare at him anymore and occasionally lets him call him Hank instead of sir.

And last month he officially moved in, unofficially he'd been sleeping here most nights and when his lease was up at the end of May, it was just what made sense. Emma adores him, seemingly more than me sometimes, which I tolerate because when she goes nuclear, he's the only one who can calm her down. It's not just me anymore. I have a teammate again and we're happy, I'm learning how to be happy again. We argue sometimes, we're not perfect, but it's good. We're good.

But we were all thrown for a loop when I got an email from Kelly, telling me that he has a girlfriend and he wanted to celebrate with all of us, offering to buy three plane tickets out to the city for the weekend of her birthday. I nervously and almost reluctantly accepted. Emma's going to have a great time, I'm not worried about that. It's just everything else that scares me. Hank was a little upset that we wouldn't be here for her birthday, but we threw her an early party at his place with the whole unit, so I guess that kind of made up for it.

"You were the one who agreed to it," He tells me again as I tie my hair up into a ponytail. "Besides, it's not about us, it's about Emma," He says, both our eyes glancing over to the blonde haired baby sitting on the floor playing with my hairbrush.

"I know," I whine, knowing that he's exactly right. "But still,"

"I know, I know," He responds, "It's going to be weird. It's going to be really weird, there's not really a way around that. But it's going to be okay," He assures me as he scoops Emma off the floor. "But we should get going if we want to make the flight,"

"Oh shoot you're right!" I exclaim as I glance at the time he's showing me on his phone, quickly on and glad that I had already finished. "I just need to find my purse and everyone needs shoes, then we should be good to go,"

"Babe, relax." He tells me as we walk out the bathroom door, me frantically grabbing my bag off the bed, rummaging through it as we walk through the living room, making sure that I have absolutely everything we need and more.

"Sorry, I'm just nervous," I say, slipping on my favorite black running shoes, somewhat matching my choice of cropped leggings and a tank top. I thought about putting together an actual outfit, but I'm spending two and a half hours on a plane with a two year old, so comfort took priority.

"You've done this exact flight with her before, don't worry about it," He says, shoving little shoes on Emma's feet as she giggles.

"Not about that," I assure him.

"Erin, c'mon, it's just Kelly." He tells me.

"He's bringing his girlfriend," I say as I grab the handle of my suitcase.

"You're bringing me!" He responds.

"It's different," I insist.

"No it's not," He assures me as he pulls me into his side, dropping a kiss to the top of my head. "But c'mon, we have to go."

"Okay," I say, taking Emma in my arms and grabbing my wheeled suitcase, "But if something goes horribly wrong, I'm blaming you,"

"Nothing is going to go wrong," He assures me for the millionth time.

"Yeah we'll see,"

* * *

 **Jay**

"See?" I tell Erin as we walk through the airport, having just cleared security, "It's all going to be okay,"

"Would you stop saying that?" She insists while pushing Emma's stroller through the hustle and bustle, the nearly two year old blissfully asleep and unaware of the craziness around her. "It's freaking me out?"

"Would you rather me tell you that the plane is going to go down and explode in a ball of fire and we're all going to die?" I say with a smirk.

"Much better," She says with a glare as she responds to my teasing. "But real talk, I need coffee," I'd never tell her, but she looks exhausted. I am too. Last night, Emma decided that sleep was for the weak and she would not be participating in such activities. But Emma also gets to be asleep if she wants to for the next three hours. Erin and I don't have that luxury, so we turn to coffee. Very strong coffee.

"C'mon, I'll drop you off at the gate and then I'll go grab it,"

"You're the best boyfriend ever," She says, looking over at me with a grateful smile.

"I thought I was the worst and I was freaking you out?" I tease.

"Don't question my compliments," She says as we come up to C10.

"Alright," I say as I drop our bags near a couple of empty chairs, "I'm going to go get you coffee and I'll be right back, just chill out for a minute. You deserve it," Just as the words come out of my mouth, Emma wakes up. She's not crying or being fussy, but she'll need to be entertained.

"Doesn't look like I'll be relaxing," She says with a sigh as she looks down to the now awake blonde baby girl.

"I'll take her," I say, pulling her from the restraints of her stroller as she puts out a happy giggle.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I got her," I tell her with a smile before taking off towards the nearest Starbucks. I can tell she's smiling behind me. She deserves a break, she loves Emma and she loves her job, she's on all the way one hundred percent of the time, so I like to give her a break whenever I can. Even if it's only five minutes while I run to grab coffee in an airport at 7 AM.

"Alright baby girl, you ready for the airplane?" I ask, Emma balanced on my hip. She likes to run around now and she does usually get a little squirmy if we hold her for too long, but it makes me more than a little nervous to let her loose in a place like an airport.

"We go fly?" She asks with that toothy smile I love so much.

"Yeah Emmy, we're going to fly," I say.

"See Dada?" She asks, looking up at me.

"Yeah," I tell her, "We're going to go see your dad and his friend Anna and we are going to have so much fun," I tell her with a smile as I tickle her stomach and we enter the line.

"Your daughter is adorable," An older woman in front of us says, as Emma's giggle carries through the area.

"Thank you," I respond simply with a kind smile. It's an honest mistake and it's happened more than a few times, how could it not? If I walked into the same situation I would assume the same thing, most people would. At first I would correct them, but eventually I just starting taking it. It's easier to just say thank you rather than try to explain the situation. I haven't told Erin because I don't know how'll she react. And just because sometimes that makes it real, that sometimes I forget and I feel like Emma really is mine, but I know that's not true. She's Erin and she's Kelly's, but I'm here and sometimes I feel like her dad. Not that I would ever tell Erin that. "Can you say hi Emma?" I urge her as we advance towards the front of the line.

"Hi," She says before burying her head in my chest and suddenly becoming shy.

"Hi sweetheart," The woman waves to her, "She looks just like you,"

"Oh no, the girl is all her mama," I tell her kindly, trying to brush off her comment in the nicest way possible. Emma doesn't look like me, she's not my daughter, but the eyes always get people. They aren't the exact same blue as mine, but they're still blue, people never fail to mention that.

"Well, then you are a very lucky man," She tells me with that warm smile before moving forward to order her coffee. Oh she has no idea.

"Next in line!" I hear from the barista at the next register

"Two grande lattes, both with an extra shot please,"

"Name for the order?" The guy asks as he writes on both the cups.

"Jay," I respond.

"Alright," He says as he finishes scrawling my name across the cups, that'll be $7.03." I hand over my credit card and he hands me a receipt before I move over the other side of the booth. The drinks quickly come out and I carry them back to the gate, Emma finally squirming out of my arms and out agreement being that she had to keep holding my hand.

"You're a lifesaver," Erin says as I come back over and she takes a grateful sip of the hot liquid. "I'm going to run to the bathroom, but we should start boarding soon,"

I play with Emma for a few minutes while Erin's gone and by the time she's back, they've called our group to begin boarding the flight. We make it to our seats quickly and the flights is more than uneventful, with the exception of Emma trying to play hide and go seek with the people behind us, which luckily they found charming and adorable. By 12, we're on the ground outside Newark and I can tell that Erin's starting to get tense.

I was waiting for this. She seemed rather calm the entire flight, but I knew that this was coming sooner or later. She hasn't talked about it with me, but she's nervous about everything. She's nervous about seeing Kelly again, she's nervous about meeting Anna, and she's just nervous about being back in New York again. The last time she was here, her entire world was falling apart, now she's back, we're back and everything is so different.

"You ready for this?" I ask her as we stand outside JFK, waiting for Kelly to pick us up. We wanted to get a car or a cab, but he insisted on getting us and dropping us off at the hotel. It's going to be awkward, but I think it's the first step to maybe fixing that relationship between the two of them, for Emma's sake.

"No," She tells me with a small smile, "but it's too late to back out now," I pull her in for a quick side hug as I see a car approaching us, Kelly behind the wheel.

I give him a smile as Emma's face lights up as she sees her dad. With that brilliant smile on his face, he jumps out of the driver's side as soon as he pulls up.

"Hey guys, thanks for coming out," He says, popping the trunk and giving Erin somewhat of an awkward hug. I know that they've been on better terms since the whole Emma thing ended, but it's still weird I'm sure.

"Hey Kel," She says. "You want to see Daddy?" she asks Emma as she hands off the baby to him. I smile politely before grabbing the suitcases and tosses them in Kelly's trunk, almost feeling like a third wheel. I shouldn't feel threatened by this guy, I know that Erin doesn't have any feelings for him, but they were married a long time and they have a child together, there's some weight to that, a lot actually.

"You okay?" I ask Erin, pushing my feelings aside as she joins me at the back of the car, attempting to fold up Em's stroller.

"I'm good," She assures me, with a smile that I know isn't real.

"Erin," I say again as she moves back towards the front of the car.

"Jay," She insists, placing her hand on my chest, "I'm okay,"

"Alright," I concede. Erin gets in the back seat, so I take her notion and take my place in the front next to Kelly.

"So where are you guys staying?" He asks as we pull out of the airport, Emma giggling in the back seat.

"Hilton," I answer him.

"The one near NYU?" He asks.

"Yes," Erin answers shortly, not seeming at all like herself, something I'm sure Kelly has picked up on well.

"You know you could have just stayed at the apartment, it's your place too," He offers. He's said this before, but Erin was against if and if I'm being honest, so was I. It saves the money of having to get a room in New York for two nights, but it's not worth.

"No Kelly, it's not my place anymore. We have an apartment, in Chicago," I can tell that Erin words cut a little bit, but he doesn't say anything. He knows that she's grateful for bringing Emma back to her, but he also knows that he's still in hot water for cheating. And for suing her for custody.

"Oh you guys moved in together?" He says, trying to make small talk.

"Yeah, about a month ago?" She says, looking at me for confirmation.

"Wow that was fast," He comments.

"Kelly we've been together almost seven months," Erin says. I smile as I see Emma playing with Erin's fingers in the rearview mirror.

"Still,"

"Well it felt right," I interject with a smile, knowing all too well that it doesn't take much to fire Erin up.

"I get it man," He says as he turns to me. "When you know, you know," We spend the rest of the nearly half hour drive from the airport to hotel making polite small talk, no one comfortable with each other. I have to remind myself not to take a sigh of relief as we pull up in front of the hotel. Erin and I both thank Kelly before watching him drive off, both of us relieved to be able to relax again.

"It's only a weekend babe," I assure her as we walk through the front doors of the hotel. "And it's for Emma,"

"Right," She says with a weak smile, "I can do this,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Also, if you haven't seen it yet, I started a Linstead college AU called Firefly, so if you're interested, check that out! Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you'll leave me a review with your thoughts!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry it's been so long between updates! My course load this year is a little harder than I anticipated, so I've been pretty much just going to school, doing homework and sleeping. But I hope you guys enjoy this update!**

* * *

 **JAY**

"Now remember baby girl, this is all for you," I whisper in Emma's ear as we ascend up the front steps toward the old Severide home, keeping my voice quiet enough to make sure that Erin doesn't hear me. "Your mama's a little nervous, so be good okay?"

"I be good JJ," She tells me with that toothy smile. Yesterday after the flight got in, we spent the night in the hotel room, just chilling out and recovering from the short flight. We slept in late and then grabbed lunch with Erin's old boss Olivia and her son Noah, which was amazing.

It's really weird. I feel like I know Erin better than I know myself, we can communicate with just a look, but there's so much that I didn't know about her. She has a past, before Chicago, before me. It's just weird to be experiencing it all. But it's a good kind of weird I think. I like learning about her past, seeing her light up with Olivia and the way that her eyes shine as she watched Emma and Noah play around on the floor of Olivia's apartment. But this, this dinner with Kelly, might not be a good kind of weird.

"What are you two chatting about?" She teases as we catch up to her, tickling Em's belly as she laughs back at her mama.

"Nothing," I tell her with a smile, leaning down to kiss her, the heels she decided to sport greatly closing the height gap between us, "You look beautiful Er,"

"Thank you," She says, looking down at the loose red tank top and light wash jeans she's chosen for tonight, "You clean up pretty good yourself Halstead,"

"Oh this is nothing," I assure her with a grin as we walk into the elevator. I watch her expression change as she presses the button for floor four, something she's probably done a million times.

"Hey," I say, reaching my arm over to her shoulder, "It's going to be okay,"

"I'm glad you came," She tells me with a smile, "I would have hightailed it back to Chicago by now if it was just me,"

"Glad to be of service milady," I tell with a smile as Emma giggles.

"Funny JJ," She babbles as the elevator raises towards the fourth floor, a low pitched beep resounding through the small moving crate as the doors open.

"I can't believe this is where you used to live," I comment as we walk down the hallway.

"Why?" She asks.

"It just doesn't seem like your kind of place," I respond. If I could use one word to describe Erin's apartment, it's homey. Her apartment is cozy and welcoming, there's pictures of her and Emma every way, new frames of the three of us beginning to sprinkle throughout the place. It's the kind of place where there is always a blanket thrown over the arm of a chair or the back of a couch, a collection of irreverent coffee cups that don't match filling up more than their fair share of space in the cabinets. This place doesn't seem that like. The hallways make it seem like these are loft and from the lobby, I can tell that the design is going to be ultra modern, crisp lines, almost cold. I should hold my judgements, but it's hard not to.

"What's that supposed to mean?' She asks, looking back as me.

"Nothing, just not what I expected," I tell her, deciding to keep my mouth shut.

"Well this is where it all began. This was the place we bought after we got married, the place where we became grown ups, real grown ups, and it's the place we brought Emma home to. A lot of bad things happened here, but a lot good things did too and that's what I want to remember,"

"Then that's exactly what we're going to do," I tell her with a smile as she knocks on the door of apartment 4J.

"This is weird though, knocking on my own door and waiting to be let in," She comments.

"You said it's not your home though, anymore anyways," I respond, remembering her comments from yesterday in the car.

"I know, Chicago is my home now, but this is still very strange," She assures me. I hear quick footsteps coming up to the door. They're light and soft, no way it's Kelly. Must be the girlfriend.

"Welcome!" She says a little too enthusiastically as she swings open the door. She's pretty, not as pretty as Erin is though. She has dark brown hair, falling to about her shoulders and very pale skin. I'm almost surprised I can't see her veins through it. But her eyes are warm, and they're welcoming. She seems genuinely happy that we're here. Maybe this night won't be so bad.

"You must be Anna," Erin says, painting a smile across her face, "I've heard so many great things about you,"

"I'm so glad to say the same thing about you," She says as she pulls Erin into a hug I'm sure she wasn't ready for. "And you must be Emma,"

"Can you say hi to Anna?" Erin says as she gestures over to the woman in the doorway.

"Nana," Emma mumbles before burying her face in my shoulder.

"Close enough," Anna says with a smile, "C'mon in, Kelly's finishing up dinner,"

"Kelly's cooking?" Erin exclaims, a little louder than I think she intended to.

"Yeah," Anna says as the two of us kick off our shoes, "some kind of pasta dish, he left some plain for Emma, we weren't sure what she was liking these days,"

"She's a pretty easy baby," I answer, "She'll pretty much eat anything,"

"Great," She says with a smile as we walk over to the kitchen to Kelly. I notice that all the pictures of Erin, Kelly, and Emma still line the walls. There's no pictures of just Erin and Kelly, but she's definitely present. I'm surprised Anna's okay with that. I know I wouldn't be.

"There's the birthday girl!" Kelly says, a huge smile on his face.

"Papa!" She squeals as she holds her arms into the air, happily flying into her father's arms. I feel a slight sting, but I have to hold it back. She's not my kid, as much as it feels like it most of the time, she's not my kid. She's Kelly's daughter. Not mine.

* * *

 **ERIN**

"I'm really glad you guys came out, Kelly has been looking forward to this for weeks," Anna says, the two of us nursing glasses of Malbec as we watch the guys playing with Emma on the carpet, dinner finishing up in the oven. "I was really worried it was going to be awkward, but you're amazing. He put you through hell and you're here,"

"You make sacrifices when you have kids," I tell her simply, "he's her dad, this isn't about me. She's my entire life, my heart beats for Emma Shay, so you do what you have to do for her,"

"Well, if I was in your shoes, I don't know if I'd be able to look at it that way," She tells me with a laugh. "You are a much better person than I am,"

"Don't say that so fast," I tell her with a laugh, "If he would have called me six months ago, I may have had a different response. Jay's the reason I'm here,"

"Remind me to give him a thank you," She tells me with a smile. "And if I haven't mentioned it earlier, you've got a beautiful daughter,"

"I kinda like her," I say with a smile. "And if I haven't mentioned it, I really like you, I was afraid you we're going to be terrible,"

"Why?" She asks as she furrows her brow.

"I don't know," I confess, "But I'm really glad you're not,"

"Kelly Severide does have great taste in women," She tells me with a smile.

"Cheers to that," I say with a grin before taking a sip of the deep red liquid, the timer on the oven going off in the background.

"And that's dinner," She says, getting up to grab the dish from the oven. It's really odd, being hosted in a place I used to call home. It's been weird all night, watching Kelly grab a diaper from her old bedroom, Anna grabbing the bottle of wine and the glasses I bought four years ago. We've gotten more comfortable with each other, but we're still walking on eggshells. But the eggshells got a little stronger.

"I'll grab the boys and the baby," I say with a smile. "You ready for dinner?" I call over into the other room.

"Coming babe," Jay says, swooping Emma up off the floor as she squeals. I can see Kelly's expression change as the words leave Jay's mouth and as he watches Emma cling to his neck. He's jealous, or just uncomfortable, I can't tell. But I do know that he's very fast to hide it. I shove the feelings into the back of my head

"Hey baby girl," I say as I take her into my arms, Jay following Kelly into the kitchen to help set the table. "Did you have fun with JJ and Papa?"

"I play with Daddy and Papa," She tells me with a laugh.

"Daddy?" I ask her, my brow furrowed.

"Daddy," She responds, pointing her little chubby fingers at the back of Jay's head.

"No baby, that's JJ," I say almost panicking. Normally, I would have tears of joy in my eyes, but not here. Not with Kelly. I know if the cards were flipped and it was Kelly and Anna visiting us in Chicago and Emma took it upon herself to call Anna "Mama" I know I would not be happy about it. I can't do that to Kelly. She can call Jay "Daddy" any other night and I will be more than happy to hear it, but not tonight. I can't do that to Kelly.

"Daddy," She insists again, thankfully her voice not raising.

"Okay, okay baby," I concede, not wanting to make a scene, "That's Daddy." I have to keep from letting the smile spread across my face, while still hoping that she keeps her mouth shut during dinner. The last thing I need is for Emma to point at Jay in the middle of our meal, yell "Daddy" and have Kelly freak out. "Can it be our little secret though? We can tell Daddy about it later,"

"I keep it a secret Mama," She assures me.

"That's my girl," I tell her, giving her a big kiss on the cheek as we head over to the table.

"Dinner is served," Kelly says with a proud smile as he sets down the dish of what looks like a bubbly baked mac and cheese.

"It looks awesome Kel," I say, settling Emma on my lap as Jay sets down a dish of carrots and Anna placing a bowl of strawberries and blackberries in the center.

"Mama there's 'tawberries," She tells me with a giggle.

"Tawberries?" Kelly asks.

"It's her way of saying strawberries," Jay explains, "She doesn't quite have the s sound down yet,"

"Oh okay," Kelly responds. I can tell he's disappointed that he didn't know that and Jay did. It's weird, I know that we all love Emma, but it's hard to not step on anyone's toes. It's hard to find that balance.

"So, what do you do Anna?" Jay asks as the we start to pass the food around the table.

"I'm a nurse, pediatric oncology over at New York Presbyterian," She tells us.

"That must be hard," I comment.

"They're sick kids, so it's not fun a lot of the time, but the good days outweigh the bad," She tells us with an almost grateful smile.

"Still, that's amazing," I tell her.

"It's the job," She tells me with a simple smile. "I think there's a very high chance Em will end up as a first responder,"

"Oh no," I tell her with a smile, "my baby girl is going to be amazing, but she's going to be amazing off the streets."

"I have to second her on that one," Kelly says with a smile.

"Hey you're able to hold your own on the streets," Jay argues back.

"Yeah, but I'm always under Voight's thumb. And when I was in New York, he called me once a week just to make sure I was okay. Also, I'm pretty sure he had Olivia keeping an eye on me,"

"Babe," Jay points out, "She's half Lindsay, if she says she wants to be a cop or a firefighter, there is no stopping her,"

"Then let's hope that Em doesn't want to follow in any of our footsteps," Kelly says with a slight laugh.

"Maybe she'll want to follow in her Uncle Will's footsteps," I offer.

"Uncle Will?" Kelly questions.

"It's my brother,"

'Your brother?" Kelly says, a look of surprise on his face that Jay doesn't seem to get.

"We meet up with Jay's siblings and their kids pretty often for dinner, all the other kids call him Uncle Will and she just kind of caught on," I quickly explain, trying to cover our tracks.

"Big family?" Kelly asks him.

"Oh yeah," He says with a smile, "I'm one of five kids and I've got six nieces and five nephews,"

"Halstead family dinners are insane," I tell them. "It's like 20 people who are all loud and crazy,"

"I honestly can't believe she didn't run for the hills the first time she met them," He says with a laugh.

"I kind of love it," I admit. "It's loud and crazy, but it's everything I never had as a kid. I'm glad that Emma gets to experience that,"

"Besides, I'm pretty sure all my nieces and nephews like her better than me, don't even get me started on my sisters," I say with a laugh.

"She's always been a charmer," Kelly says with a smile, "My sister Katie adores her. Speaking of which, she's been wanting to see Emma,"

"She still in Chicago?" I ask.

"Yeah, she's been living with her boyfriend in Lake View,"

"Katie's got a boyfriend!" I exclaim.

"Erin she's 27," He tells me with a grin.

"I know, but she's always going to be little Katie to me," I say. The first time I met Katie, she was like 18. And she was a young 18. She'd never had a boyfriend, all she wanted to do was cook. So it's weird to see her in that light. But then again, Jay's sister is younger than that and I could only use scary to describe her.

"Tell her to call me, my number hasn't changed,"

"I'll let her know," He says before taking a bite of the pasta.

"Essie do you want to see Auntie K?" I ask Emma, my voice becoming noticeably higher.

"Yes Mama!" She exclaims. "I miss her,"

"I know you do baby," I say, almost feeling guilty for not reaching out to Katie sooner. Emma's been asking about her and I've kept meaning to call, I just haven't gotten around to picking up the phone.

"You want me to hold her Er?" Jay offers as she starts to squirm. "You can actually eat something,"

"Yeah that'd be great," I say as I pass her over to him.

"Daddy!" She squeals as she's laid in his arms. I freeze instantly and my heart starts to race in my chest, Jay eyes widening and an expression on Kelly's face that I can't quite read, Anna sinking into her chair. I open my mouth to say something as Kelly storms out of the room.

I get up to follow him, but Jay stops me, just handing Emma over, my sweet girl of course oblivious to anything being wrong.

"Don't," He says, "I got this one,"

 **JAY**

"Listen Kelly," I say as the two of us stand in his bedroom, me shutting the door behind us. I don't know how this is going to go, but I know that I definitely don't want Emma, Erin, or Anna hearing any of it if it goes bad. "I didn't see that coming and I don't want to step on your toes, she's your kid and I know she calls you Papa, but if you don't want her calling me Dad, I get that and I will talk to her,"

"Jay stop," He interrupts.

"What?" I ask, looking at him dumbfounded. I was expecting him to yell at me or freak out or something. Anything.

"She's two, she won't listen to that. Or if she does, she won't remember tomorrow," He tells me as he runs his hand through his short hair.

"So what do you want me to do?" I ask him.

"Nothing," He says, "It's her choice and if I'm being honest with myself, you have probably been more of a father to her in these past couple months than I have,"

"What?" I say.

"Aren't you supposed to be smart Halstead?" He jokes with me. "Let her call you whatever she wants, I don't care,"

"You don't?" I say, the shock pretty evident on my face.

"I thought I would, I thought that I was going to hate you. But I don't have a reason to." He explains to me. "Erin's amazing and I know that she probably hates me. I lost her and that's my fault and I'm not in love with her, but I'm always going to care about her. And Emma, well she's my world. I didn't realize that when I should have, but I know it now. In the end, Dad is just a title, but it's one that you've earned and you are just another person to look after my girls and you better take really good care of them. Go be her other dad and be a damn good one,"

"I wouldn't dream of anything else,"

* * *

 **So hopefully I redeemed Kelly for a lot of you in this chapter and I hope you guys enjoyed it! If you did, please let me know in the reviews!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	22. Chapter 22

**I am so sorry that it's been so long since I've updated this story! I just got some really bad writers block and life just happens sometimes, but I will try to be better about updating and (fingers crossed) will get on a better and more regular schedule. Anyway, happy reading!**

* * *

 **JAY**

"Thank you so much for hosting," Erin tells Anna and Kelly from outside the threshold of the apartment, Emma in my arms and the two of them standing inside, the earlier tensions gone, but a whole new one sitting in the air.

"It was our pleasure," Anna tells us with a smile as Kelly nods, his arm slung around her waist. "And we're still on for breakfast tomorrow at Pearl before your flight?" Kelly asks.

"Yep, we will see you there at 9 AM," I tell them with a smile, that grin hiding my growing anxiety. After Emma's proclamation and my heart to heart with Kelly, the incident has not been mentioned. I have no idea how Erin is going to react or even if she's going to react. Maybe I'll just get the silent treatment who knows? I brace myself as the door shuts in front of us.

"Erin I am so sorry, I didn't know that she was going to go that, especially in front of Kelly," I say, choking on my own words as they flow out.

"I know you didn't," She says with a smile. A smile? "But I did,"

"What?"

"She said it to me before dinner, I was going to say something but I didn't want to cause any drama with Kelly," She tells, a grin spreading across her face as a single tears falls from the corner of her hazel eyes. "Which you saw how that worked out,"

"So you're not upset?" I say looking confused.

"No," She says before pushing up on her toes and planting one on me, "I wouldn't want her calling you anything else,"

"Are you serious?" I ask as I look at her dumbfounded, studying her face for any further reaction.

"Jay, you stepped up and you picked up all the broken pieces. You put us back together and you deserve your title," She tells me with a smile. "You earned it,"

"I love you," I say, holding back rare tears as I press a kiss to the top of her head.

"You're not so bad yourself Halstead," She says with a giggle, "Now let's bring our baby home,"

* * *

The rest of the trip was uneventful, we went to the breakfast with Kelly and Anna, who Emma has dubbed Nana and it was really nice actually, we fit seamlessly together. It was really surprising considering the history between us, but we were all able to push our differences aside for Emma, forming some kind of weird, misshapen, family unit.

And as we go home, we prepare ourselves for rounds two and three of birthday celebrations, the first of which being Erin and Emma's introduction to the absolute crazy of a Halstead birthday celebration and the second being the quiet dinner with the unit at Voight's later this week.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" I ask her as we walk up to Kara's front porch, the default location for all Halstead parties.

"I don't know," She jokes, Emma deciding to walk in front of us today, "It's weird walking up to a party for my kid that I had nothing to do with,"

"Trust me, you're fine. My sisters will take any chance they can get to throw a party," I tell her with a grin.. "Kara's a Chicago girl, through and through, but our mom was raised in Georgia and she always said that Southern women know how to throw a party,"

"Should I be scared?" She jokes as he pushes open the front door, a welcome blast of AC hitting me in the face.

"Just prepared," I tell her, that smile not dropping from my face as she raises an eyebrow at me and Emma scurries through the house.

"So where are they exactly?" She asks, scooping Emma up into her arms.

"Check the backyard," I say, knowing exactly what the plan is, a pool bag hanging from my shoulder with swimsuits for the three of us. Kara got a pool installed when they moved in and she takes advantage of every opportunity to use it, so I was less than surprised when she brought up the idea of a pool party.

"There's swimsuits in that bag, aren't there?" She asks as I push open the back door.

"Oh yeah," I say, my words quickly being cut off by the rest of my family.

"Happy Birthday Emma!" All sixteen of them stationed throughout Kara's backyard, the only missing face belonging to my youngest sister, though she did shoot me a text on her actual birthday. Emma just squeals as she runs over to Maeve, her light brown curls streaming behind her as those blue eyes sparkle.

"Thank you so much guys," Erin says, a wide smile gleaming from ear to ear. I know that this means more to her than it would to almost anyone else. She always wanted this as a kid, the big family with the giant parties, just full of people who loved her. She never got it and she's always wanted it for her child, and I'm just glad that I could be a part of the family to give it to her.

The entire backyard is decked out.

"It was our pleasure," Beth says as she pulls Erin in for a hug, her shoulder length blonde hair pulled back with a clip.

"Still, you guys are all amazing,"

"It was mostly Kara,"

"I barely helped," Natalie says with a laugh as she pulls Erin in for a hug, "But I did make the cake, the twins helped they want to make sure you knew that,"

"I'm sure it's awesome," Erin says as Marin runs over, jumping into her arms, donning an adorable watermelon swimsuit.

"It's chocolate," My niece tells her, a proud smile lighting up her face.

"That's Emma favorite, how did you guess?" She says as she ruffles her hair.

"I guessed," She says, throwing her hands up.

"Well it was a very good guess my dear," Erin responds, dropping a kiss on her cheek. I smile over at her as wrap my arm around Erin.

"Your family is incredible," She whispers in my ear as she places Marin back on the ground.

"You're incredible," I assure her, planting a kiss on the top of her head.

"Let's go change," She says, grabbing the pool bag off my shoulder and swooping in to grab our daughter before making a swift entrance to the back of the house.

* * *

"You look gorgeous," I whisper in her ear, donning an emerald green one piece, her light brown hair pulled behind her head with a clip and a pair of aviators resting on the top of her head.

"You're not so bad yourself," She tells me with a wink, carting Emma around through the water, her little arms splashing around.

"Thanks babe," I say, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Uncle JJ!" My nephew Caleb shrieks as he comes running off the side of the pool.

"Incoming," Erin says with a laugh as I turn around just in time to catch him, getting more than a fair share of water in my mouth.

"Nice job," His older brother Nathan yells, taking a break from wrestling his other brother Andrew.

"No, my daddy!" Emma yells, hopping from Erin's arms and into my free one.

"Don't you worry," I say, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I can take both of you at once," I know that the rest of my siblings heard it, I saw the eyebrow raise on both Will and Beth, but I also know that they won't say anything. For now at least.

* * *

"So," Kara say as the two of us lean up against the fence, both of us with a beer in hand. "Daddy huh?"

"Yeah I was going to tell you about that," I say with a laugh as I take a swig of the amber liquid. "It happened in New York,"

"In front of Kelly?" She asks, not even trying to hide the shock on her face.

"Yeah actually,"

"How'd he take that?' She asks, her eyes clocking her youngest Shea as she jumps into the pool.

"Better than I thought actually,"

"You thinking about taking the next step?"

"What?"

"Getting a ring on her finger, make her a Halstead,"

"Kare," I say, stringing out my words and hoping to God that Erin didn't hear her, or anyone else for that matter.

"We love her, you love her, you love her kid and she loves you," She tells me, painting the situation clear as day, at least to her.

"Her divorce isn't even finalized yet,"

"But it's almost done right?"

"Yeah, they sign the papers next month," I tell her.

"So?"

"We've known each other barely six months," I say, looking across the backyard. I can't keep the smile off my face as I notice Erin sitting on the edge of the pool, Ainsley in her lap, laughing at something Cole said that I'm sure is completely idiotic, Emma on Maeve's hip, wearing those little floaty things on her arms as she hasn't quite gotten the hang of swimming yet. Natalie giggling in Will's arms as Owen does a cannonball off the side of the pool, Beth wrangling a bunch of the kids on the grass.

"And you live together and she's got a kid who calls you Dad, you are pretty much already married," She jokes.

"Shut it Kara," I tell her. "It'll happen when it's supposed to happen,"

"Okay," She says, backing off.

"Right now, I just want to enjoy life with my girls and live everyday to the fullest,"

"I'm really proud of you," She says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, when you were with Beca, I thought you'd always just be the fun uncle. You've grown up, since you met her." She tells me, a look of pride across her face that makes me smile. As much as I'd never admit it, it always feels good to have her approval. Ever since our mom died and our dad checked out of our lives, Kara has always been there. She's only the oldest by six and half minutes, but she's took that role and she fits into it seamlessly. She even took custody of Annie for two years after everything went down, managing having a husband overseas, a three year year old Maeve, her own grief, and a sixteen year old who's situation was the last thing she wanted. She's amazing, always has been.

"She's been good for me,"

"I know," She tells me as she places her arm on my shoulder. "But you are still amazing. And I don't think I say it enough, but I have been so thankful for you, ever since Ryan,"

"Kara don't even mention it," I interrupt her. "I'm your brother, I am here for you always."

"I know, but you've stepped up in a way that you didn't have to. I'm grateful for it and I know the girls are, so thank you and uh, I love you,"

"I love you too," I say, blinking back tears as I hold her tight. I don't cry very often, but Kara also doesn't open up very often.

"Stop it," She says, pushing back after a second. "No crying. Go have fun, your kid doesn't two every day,"

"Okay,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed chapter 22! Please let me know if there's anything y'all would like to see in future chapters and to all who celebrate, have a very merry Christmas!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


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